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Hello pm and welcome! I didn't read everyone's responses fully but could it be there was an injury to your neck by ex-gf?

Hello! Thanks for the question. I don't think I have an injury to my neck- it's always stiff, but no pain other than that. Any instances of choking were more of a scare tactic than anything.

Hi,
I started getting PNES seizures after taking Nortryptiline when I was 21.  I was taking more than I should because at the time I knew little about pharmacology.  Anyway, once you have one-it is a defense mechanism as you probably know and when the body becomes overly stressed can just shut off ike a rabbit and play dead which is what a psychogenic seizure actually is according to Peter Levine.  I found that until I removed myself from the abusive narcissist in my life that I continued to have them.  I went NO CONTACT for 5 years and did not suffer any seizures but they resurfaced when I reestablished contact.  I have gone no contact again so that my health improves.  I wish you well. Glad you're here.

So sorry to hear, but glad you're out! I have a similar problem with undiagnosed PNES but have gone no contact for over 2 years. Could you share some of your symptoms?

I think what's to be said has pretty much been said already but I will just post here to say I wish you well. Hope it will all get better for you asap!

Thank you so much, it means a lot.

Hi PM, so sorry to hear you're struggling with some major physical symptoms - it's completely understandable given what you've been through. 

I had a lot of the debilitating physical symptoms about four years ago and finally went to my doc who referred me to a psychiatrist.  That was key as the pdoc knew both the psychological  and medical aspects of what was going on with me.  It took some hit and miss with meds as I have paradoxical reaction to a lot of meds (anti-anxiety meds make me more anxious), but we endured and landed on two that brought my symptoms way down (huge panic attacks with gagging - no spasms though; insomnia, couldn't get out of bed, drinking really heavily, etc).  It gave me the energy and space to start looking at and working on (therapy, coming here), what was driving all my physical symptoms and I have made a lot of progress since then. 

I hope this is helpful - not everyone wants to takes meds I know, I just wanted to mention that my symptoms were quite severe and that they really helped me.

Thank you for responding, it is really comforting to know I'm not the only one. I certainly don't mind taking medication- at this point if it works, it's a miracle and I want all of it! I too drank heavily when this started happening- I actually thought it helped me breathe, but it was making it so much worse.

[might]

Hello pmmeyourpassword!

First off I would suggest you bring this to your doctor.

Although many of the symptoms you describe here, I too have experienced, and for me they were unequivocally symptoms of severe mental stress. The panic attacks you descrive are very familiar, and terrifying. The body can react physically when your mind isn't capable of taking in the extremeness of what's happening to you. The shock of your mother dying so suddenly and the attempt on your own life is no small thing.

But I've also worked in the health care sector for far too long to know that these kinds of symptomts might also be signs of other illnesses, and it would be smart to get them checked out. It can be quite tricky to ask advice for this online, as there are many illnesses and diseases that have alot of the same symptoms. I know this isn't very helpful, but I stand firm on first trying to exclude somatical diseases.

Also, it's good to hear that you're not currently driving when you got undiagnosed spasms.

That is actually very helpful and something I should definitely do, if not just for potential therapists to rule out any illnesses right off the bat. I have gone to the hospital my fair share of times since this started as it feels like I'm dying, but everything came out just fine. I got my blood tested quite a few of the times I was there. When this first started happening I described my symptoms to my doctor- she prescribed an anti anxiety, anti depressant and 7 muscle relaxers for a week of sleep. The latter worked great, but they're highly addictive. The anti anxiety made it worse and the anti depressant did nothing. I see a big path of trial and error ahead, but the support helps a ton! Thank you so much for your reply!

Hi guys, I really need some objective input into what my next steps should be. I'll try to make it as short as possible. I am 25, female if it's important.

About three years ago I found my mom dead at home (I lived with her at the time) completely unexpectedly. I have no immediate family and none live even remotely close to me. At the time it was me, my mom and my dog. A few months later that Christmas, I had to put my dog down. Exactly a week after my mom died my significant other almost killed me- she was very abusive since day one. Abusive childhood, too.

Glad that's out of the way. So after my mom died and my girlfriend did her crazy, I noticed that instead of normal insomnia, I would break out of a deep sleep, spring up and start desperately trying to get air. After about a week or so I noticed this was no insomnia- it started happening during the day. So now I'm hyperventilating day and night, I feel like I can never breathe. I start feeling numb with tingles going up my fingers and arms and going up my face. I had to breathe strategically- once in, once out, once halfway in- okay really quick swallow this thing before anyone notices- breathe the rest of the way in, exc. If it gets bad enough my hands will clamp together. This is especially unhelpful while driving- I can't tell you how many times I've had to pull over with my foot on the brake because my hands were actually stuck to the wheel.

After another few months, a more concerning symptom started to show itself- spasms. These spasms occur when I try to eat or swallow for the most part (when it feels like I haven't "timed" my swallow)  and sometimes it happens just for funsies. I have been choking on my spit pretty much constantly for the past three years.

I looked into different types of seizures just to see if anything looked familiar, and the spasms I have most closely resemble myoclonic seizures though I'm not epileptic. I have looked into PNES and it seems to make the most sense, but that's just a girl with google. 

(I'd like to put in that I studied classical music for over 10 years and know my way around diaphramatic breathing.)

So here we are. I can still never breathe, but I've learned a few tricks for immediate short term comfort, like taking a big gulp of ice cold water as a reset, exc. Ive found CBD or really anything marijuana based helps me the most by far, but I still have to avoid so many things so as not to push it. I can't bring myself to drive, going out in public is a suicide mission for my anxiety, and in the last year I've noticed a drastic drop in my memory and concentration, and huge spike with phobias and social anxiety. My biggest problem is going out to eat because people can see me have my spasms.

So top it all off with crippling misplaced dread and that's pretty much my story. I am keeping an open mind to all available options as I'd really just like my life back. Thanks for reading, I'm really glad I found this site!