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Hello to you Lovely Folks,

I thank you for your kind, and thoughtful replies. I realize that I have yet to discover the many layers of this forum, thank you for the reminder to keep searching, because I have found new posts that I can connect to, and learn from.

I apologize for saying I could not connect with older folks, this was prejudice, and misunderstanding on my part since I didn't give enough time to try understanding more how everyone here is genuinely going through similar pain. I have never spoken in a group setting, or had a chance to connect with anyone going through similar situations. So thank you, for taking the time to show me otherwise, it feels good to know I am not alone.

I came to this forum at the recommendation of a kind nurse, and I am very glad I did. Thank you for being open with me, and allowing me to open myself to a safe place.

I wish you all the best, I thank you greatly for making space for me on this lovely forum.

Hi David,

I understand this is an older post, but I figured since I had a slightly similar situation that maybe I could throw in my quip. The moment I left the area that my family was in, the moment I was surrounded by new things, I felt new. I have read many success stories of simply changing environment, some people leaving their respective state/hemisphere. If these reminders are so intense, perhaps continue to work in the city you love, but change where you live to somewhere slightly outside of the town. Close enough to drive to, just enough for some fresh air. If you do not like it, move back, and maybe that time away will help give you the space you needed to forget...even for a moment.

Hello, I just wanted to mention that I have had similar bouts of what you're describing at nighttime, I believe they are night terrors. I have had several, waking up and suffering from a panic attack, sweating like I had run a marathon, and unable to breathe. This is caused by stress. My solution, has been to try to do peaceful things before bed, no stressful conversations/thoughts, nice/calm/happy shows/books/books. Perhaps even some yoga/relaxing music. Figure out your triggers, so that you can work on them.

Everyone's anxiety manifests itself in different ways, muscle spasms, extreme nausea, temporary paralysis (fight/flight/freeze), are all symptoms I have heard of, or experienced. The best bet is working on each one, one at a time. Pain/symptom journals can help you track patterns.

Good luck, all the best!

I am 25, and I have noticed there are many users who seem to be from their 30s-60s. I am struggling a bit to find common ground as I do not have children or 20 years worth of a terrible downhill battle. Albeit my life has been a struggle from childhood C-PTSD (which I had treated when I turned 18 and decided to change my life), and again another bought of C-PTSD after a difficult/abusive relationship.

I am typically someone who has a strong head on her shoulders, I battled depression alone, and I believe I came through with wonderful results. Despite growing up neglected, and abused verbally, I have strove to become a kind, and loving person. I had begun a path towards what I believed unattainable, but hopefully with good old hard work, and faith that I would eventually achieve this dream. Just after purchasing my first home, with someone who I believed I would start my life with, and finally have a family who noticed, and appreciated me; things quickly fell apart, and my partner became depressed (due to his own childhood abuse). I truly believe that hurt people, hurt people. My love, and support, was not enough and I am now realizing that by trying to be there for him, I slowly lost parts of myself that I worked so hard to build.

He is now in therapy, including a specialized therapist for his anger issues. Now that the veil of constant threat is gone, I am beginning to feel the depth of pain that came from this relationship. (Perhaps mixed with childhood pain as well) I very recently went to my doctors, and have secured more help for myself. Although, this was unimaginable for me...to admit that, through no fault in my own, have I regressed, and become inconsolable. Sadly enough, I do not recognize myself, and am unable to function at full capacity...and that makes me feel shame, because I have never had the luxury of relying on anyone. I wish to get back on my feet, stop remembering all the horrible things said, and done. I wish to read books by the fire place, and find contentment (sometimes that is the most we can hope for), until I am ready to open again.

I am struggling to move on from this traumatic part of my life, so I guess the question for all of you lovely folks is; how did you move forward, does the pain ever go away or do you learn to live with it, how do you tell yourself you are still lovable after these horrible things have been done to you, how do you tell yourself you are still lovable after the horrible things you have responded with?

I apologize for the lengthy post, I have not seen any that I can connect with and so I thought the first step would be to put myself out there so you users can tell me if you can connect.

Thank you, and all the best.