I don't understand why I do this but every time I am in a social event I typically enjoy myself (on edge but manage to get through it - I actually like most people, I just don't trust them) but the next day I agonize over everything I said and I did. I feel sick and the black cloud of doom hits me. I can barely function. I try to force myself to go to events because practice makes perfect, right?!? LOL I'm 50. I constantly wish I was dead....I do not share that with anyone (I'm not an attention seeker) CBT doesn't really work - works great for quitting smoking, but that's about it. Any suggestions. I won't kill myself I have children that are dependant on me and I really don't want to make them as damage as me....however I wish I was dead runs pretty much on a loop....