Messages

Thanks for posting this Kizzie. It hadn't occurred to me that I see what Trump is so clearly _precisely_ because of my own personal experience with emotional abuse.

Update...

A couple weeks in and the benefits of B12 are consistent and persisting. The floor is a bit higher and i'm a bit more resilient to upsets and EF's.

it's so difficult for anyone not familiar with such trauma at such an early age to even begin to understand what it means for us to be struggling with the invisible wounds we carry. 

This has often been a source of bitterness in me... that so many others take for granted, like the oxygen they breath, their inner sense of security --something we have to build for ourselves through long years of struggle. Then at other times I can simply accept and forgive, and be thankful for the empathy and compassion that my journey has given me.

A big yes to this sanmagic:

that you have survived, that we here have all survived to this point is nothing short of a miracle.  so very glad you're here.  this is indeed a very special community

Thanks for sharing this with us. I understand about the elephant(s) and how scary it us to talk about them. I salute your courage!

Thx, sanmagic7. Useful to get corroboration. ;-)

I learned about it from a book "Childhood Disrupted" by Donna Jackson Nakazawa. She's basically talking about c-ptsd, but calls it something else.

What a sweet feeling.  I'm so happy for you! 

I have sometimes found that taking an NSAID -- for headache, muscle pain, etc -- will also ease my anxiety/depression.  There is evidence that there is an inflammatory aspect to effects of childhood trauma. Has anyone else experienced this effect of NSAIDS?

I appreciate  the feedback. Thx.

Hello all,

I could use a reality check...

Do my posts seem to be helpful, responsive? Or do I come across as a "know it all" or one who "doesn't really get it"?

For some reason I'm fearing I'm out of step with rest of community.  And, as  per usual, I can't distinguish truth from my own internal narrative.

I do know this: while my life has been profoundly difficult compared to the bulk of my real-life peers, it pales in comparison to the trauma so many of you in this community are grappling with.

If my contributions are sometimes off the mark, please feel free to inform and enlighten me.

Kindly,
Gwyon

I relate to the credit problems, too. I got into similar trouble when I was  younger. A craving to fill some vague need ("if I just had this one thing thing i'd feel better"), and poor impulse control. It's all related.

I'm so glad to hear your fiancé is supportive.

I'm glad others have weighed in here too   

And yes, your fiancé has a responsibility here too. To not contribute to your fears, to be sensitive and accepting of what you are working with, and to be a partner in finding a different path.

Best to you...

 

Yes, this is c-ptsd. Trust issues are big. And your limbic system -- fight, flight, freeze-- is in control. It doesn't matter what your intellect says -- you simply don't,  can't,  feel safe enough to be truthful And it's not your fault.

Do you have a therapist to work with? Is that even a possibility?  Also look at other resources posted elsewhere here: Pete Walker's writings on c-ptsd. Tara Brach's work on self compassion and mindfulness.

I hesitate to go further for fear of crossing into "counseling",  which is not my place.  But i'm confident you will find a supportive community here.

Wishing you good things...

An absolute yes to this. This is my life.  In describing the Freeze/Dissociate Defense (http://pete-walker.com/fourFs_TraumaTypologyComplexPTSD.htm) Pete Walker describes it as an unconscious belief that people are dangerous. That unconscious belief permeates all my interactions and makes them quite stressful.  Mindfulness practice has been very helpful to me in becoming more conscious of, and larger than, this perpetual fear.   Tara Brach's  podcasts have been especially useful to me: www.tarabrach.com.  But it has been a slow process, and is still a fledgling work in progress.

Thanks for sharing. It's always so validating to know others live with the same struggles.

Gwyon

songbirdrosa,

Yes, that's another cause. From my reading it's possible to have symptoms even when B12 is in low normal range, so keep that in mind too.

But let me clear that i'm just sharing what i've read and experienced. Hoping to inform, but I don’t claim any absolute knowledge -- and everybody is different.  Here are links to a few of my readings:
* https://www.mthfrsupport.com.au/vitamin-b12-reference-range-level-set-low/
* https://ods.od.nih.gov/factsheets/VitaminB12-HealthProfessional/
* http://kellybroganmd.com/b12-deficiency-brain-health/
* https://dominatedepression.com/best-b12-supplement/

I hope this turns out to make a difference for you, too!

Kindly,
Gwyon