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Messages - spinozaspinoza

#1
Hi! I'm new here, and I think that I might have C-PTSD. While I haven't been formally diagnosed, I display all of the symptoms and have cycled through a series of bewildered therapists and psychs, who have diagnosed me by now with five different separate disorders by age 20.

I'm posting here because I have a hard time believing that what I've experienced is "enough" to qualify for C-PTSD. To keep it vague, there was familial addiction, some pretty dark stuff, and a few pretty serious traumatic incidents that continued to happen from early childhood to mid adolescence.

I just feel that I had so much love from my family despite their own difficulties and everything material I could ever want. I became so emotional and difficult and kicked up such a fuss that my entire family thinks I'm crazy.

I have quite a bit of difficulty regulating my emotions, talking to others, and feeling motivated. Often I feel like I did everything to myself and purposefully made these things happen to me because I must like being victimized, or asked for it, or wasn't strong enough to deal with things. My dearest friend often tells me that I have to stop indulging in emotions and being so upset. I understand the constructive use of this advice, but it hurts because I know I have to do it and I don't know how.

I feel awful for not being able to control myself. I'm entering a stressful period in my life, and I know for a fact I am being a huge pain to those around me because I'm always crying or twitching. I have very frequent flashbacks, often quite small, but I tend to spasm pretty hard and it's making me very self-conscious about going out in public.

It just seems like I'm honest to goodness an evil person for not being less of a pain. I'm very frightened of traumatizing others because of my erratic and reactive behavior.

This is a very rambling post, but what I wanted to ask is if these feelings can be overcome, and what people have found helpful in dealing with c-ptsd.

Thanks! I hope you are all having really solidly good days!