I ended a marriage at the beginning of the year, one of only about 2 years. She was emotionally abusive and, while not formally diagnosed, potentially has a personality disorder. I have always known my childhood from a schizophrenic mom (i was 11 when things got bad) did some damage but didn't know how bad until a few weeks ago. My mom would spend countless hours talking about all the horrible things my dad was "doing" and many other occassions would go into psychosis.
For the past year, I have explored and accepted codependency, and been actively engaged in therapy. Recently, I was told I met all the criteria for C-PTSD...which led me here.
My former wife (29)is also a recovering addict. She had done every drug she could since she was in high school and ended it 3 years prior to us dating and marrying. Recently, after the divorce was brought up and I moved out, she began drinking heavily until recently when I got sole custody of our child. She has received AA help and has a great therapist so things are looking decent.
While I am new to the whole concept of this PTSD thing, I'm not sure where to go. I look back at our emotionally abusive (i always shut down, she screamed, berated, controlled, and accussed) and see how resembling of my childhood it was. Recently, she has taken a turn in life and is trying to lead a better one. I have seen lies still and blips of her "former" personality and traits but still feel almost compelled to rush back to her, hug her, and want our future together again.
With having my son full time, I feel overwhelmed about being the sole provider while she gets utter freedom, minus her supervised days with him. She will be getting him back jointly here shortly and I'm happy because I know I need to work harder at addressing my own issues. I feel that my inner critic is consistently saying how bad of a father I am (she made statements during our marriage that I was a * father, later admitting that I wasnt and she was just pissed at me) and also pondering if I was the sole disrupter of our marriage and all the things I could have done better...
I know I rambled on, I just need to vent that out and find a way to properly move forward. I look forward to exploring this in therapy and I'm happy to find a community that is supportive of those with this.
For the past year, I have explored and accepted codependency, and been actively engaged in therapy. Recently, I was told I met all the criteria for C-PTSD...which led me here.
My former wife (29)is also a recovering addict. She had done every drug she could since she was in high school and ended it 3 years prior to us dating and marrying. Recently, after the divorce was brought up and I moved out, she began drinking heavily until recently when I got sole custody of our child. She has received AA help and has a great therapist so things are looking decent.
While I am new to the whole concept of this PTSD thing, I'm not sure where to go. I look back at our emotionally abusive (i always shut down, she screamed, berated, controlled, and accussed) and see how resembling of my childhood it was. Recently, she has taken a turn in life and is trying to lead a better one. I have seen lies still and blips of her "former" personality and traits but still feel almost compelled to rush back to her, hug her, and want our future together again.
With having my son full time, I feel overwhelmed about being the sole provider while she gets utter freedom, minus her supervised days with him. She will be getting him back jointly here shortly and I'm happy because I know I need to work harder at addressing my own issues. I feel that my inner critic is consistently saying how bad of a father I am (she made statements during our marriage that I was a * father, later admitting that I wasnt and she was just pissed at me) and also pondering if I was the sole disrupter of our marriage and all the things I could have done better...
I know I rambled on, I just need to vent that out and find a way to properly move forward. I look forward to exploring this in therapy and I'm happy to find a community that is supportive of those with this.