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Thank you Three roses <3 Coming to this forum and slowly starting talking about topics like these still feel quite unfamiliar. But having seen this is a lovely environment with people sharing stories and support, makes it somewhat more bearable. Your encouragement really adds onto this, so really.. thank you !

Hi all,

Im not sure if Im posting this in the right forum and using the trigger warning alright.. So any feedback is welcome really. Im kind of on the beginning of the road of exploring my diagnosis (DDNOS) with my therapist, and could kind of use support and other views >.<

The past few months I have been in this discussion with an alter (?) whether to come out and I think and hope this might be the time. As we both are looking for ways to release tension and ways of expression.

What I know about this alter is that it is a younger version of me, roughly around 19 years old. Wanting to get out of the pattern of taking care of everyone but feeling really stuck. The only outlet it has found was having anonymous sex with older men. Hearing his body was alright and he was an okay person reinforced this.

This pattern of taking care started with shifting the relationship with his parents to one where we would take of them and of our younger brother. Which slowly started to bleed out to our friends, also taking care of them emotionally.

My guess here is that someone in our system was really emphasizing on fixing everyone, this teen-alter grew tired of it and looked for escapes. It would explain a lot of lying to our parents about our whereabouts and the various discrepancies in behavior.

However, now at the age of 25, we have encountered some therapists and quite a lot of men. Also had quite some financial difficulties and still switching between "doing what's right", "go out and do whatever" and "stay in bed".

Last night however it seemed me and the teen alter had an interaction on this. As we were again encountering financial difficulties and him not being able to "go out and have fun". It seemed as if he recognized the body was tired, and it seemed as he wanted to show that he was lonely and sad through memories popping up. There was also this anger running through our body about these feelings and not being heard.

Also there was this vision of a much smaller version of me pulling at the hand of the teen-alter's hand, begging him not to go out and have another date that night.



So.. A lot of emotions. And still quite not knowing what to do without an alternative activity for the teen-alter. Does anyone have any info on substituting (potentially) harmful behavior. And like what would be the next step in doing such discoveries?

I really find some strength in seeing that I'm not the only one having weird but heavy and realistic dreams. I hope you all have the strength to get back from that 'dreamworld' and take care of yourselves good.

I hope it's okay if I share some of my experiences? That way I can write some off my mind and maybe if someone recognizes it, it would be great to hear! 
For the past three years I have been struggling with realistic dreams and feeling really tired during the day.  These dreams occur mostly during the beginning or the end of my 'sleep'. Sometimes they're paired with physical outings like laughing, screaming and hitting (,that is for what I know).

[TW: violence] (sorry im quite new to TW, so not sure if this is the right one & use)
This afternoon I had a nap and dreamed about a whole array of things. From being on a holiday with my mom, grandmother en family of my grandmother. Which was alright, but I had to hide some money? I also needed to study a video of kpop-group BTS so I had to put that above the people I was on holiday with.
Then, somehow things spiraled out of hand. I ended up in a bakery where I felt threatened by a man, that followed me during my work there. I lost some moments but it ended with him being closed up in a oven by accident and that was my moment to run away, but not without having to look him in the eyes one more time.

Somehow my dreams have an elaborate scenario and I'm quite surprised of what my mind is capable of when I wake up.
If you have read this, thank you for your time >.<

Hi guys,

I kinda would like to share where i am right now. I hope I could get some feedback on whether what Im feeling might be dissociation and/or emotional flashbacks. And it would be nice if there are some resources to help out. I am currently in a starting fase in trauma therapy, focused on stability, however I'm feeling a lot of experiences like this.

I am currently preparing for a dance competition next weekend, which I am very excited about. I asked two friends to participate (who slightly know about my therapy and some symptoms like depression and overstimulation) , and the assignment is to create an own choreography. Dancing is one of the things I love, so my motivation is high.

However the process brings up a lot. Creating a dance brings up a lot of inner messages of critic which I have to battle. Is it good enough, am I good enough, does my friends/audience think it's good enough?
Then explaining the dance to my friends and create it for a group. This is the stage im in now, and is currently the heaviest. My head feels like it's exploding with inner messages while trying to explain the choreography, and also trying to make changes on the spot to make things prettier. Messages like 'They probably think it's not good enough' are followed with me zoning out and me getting lost in more negative thoughts about myself. A consequence is that that negativity gets projected on my friends and I ask myself: 'Why aren't they helping out with the choreography? Are they scared of me?'.

This ends up in lots of moments of silence where I am zoning out(/dissociating?) and trying to get back to dancing. But not being able to talk about this inner struggle, because I don't want it to take up time but also I don't know what is going on.
I do feel that it's possible that it has to do with subjects like 'trust', 'abuse in friendships in the past', 'uncertainty of inner sensations'.

Looking back, there is a lot of text.. I am glad that this forum exists and it really is a relief knowing that there are more people struggling with cptsd and things around it. Eventhough I'm still anxious to post this, im really thankful to be able to take up a space here.

Hi everyone,

Just found out of this website because i was looking for podcasts on c-ptsd.
I'm a 25yo, who was diagnosed with c-ptsd (with dissociative symptoms) last year. I have been receiving treatment over one year. Still working out what this all means to me, and hoping to find more information and give/receive support~
<3