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Thank you everyone, it's a confusing situation.  He says that none of it was my fault, I was the victim, he was responsible, it never should have happened.  I've never thought he accepted the blame.  My ex husband had told me a story that many years ago, when we were first dating, dad said to him that I'd offered myself to him one night, it was me who started it.  I had no cause to doubt the truth of this until recently, but I've now left my husband, who was sexually abusive to me for years, and I've started to question a lot of things he said.

For me, it's a temptation because I currently have no memories, so the possibility of knowing the extent, the frequency, the circumstances, is quite a strong pull. 

However, this also brings risks.  The risk that the memories will return and become intrusive.  The risk that he won't tell the truth.  The risk that I won't believe him, or trust his version.  And the risk that it won't make any positive difference.

And of course as he's in his seventies now, the time to hear his story is limited.

I don't currently have a therapist.

My father SA me in my teens, I no longer have any actual memories, I know it happened, I believe I know the extent of it.  I have kept him in my life, slightly at arms length, mostly not dealing with the abuse.

It's now 30 years later. 

He brought it up recently, apologised, said it never should have happened.  He told me that both he and my mother were interviewed on camera by social services at the time, which I hadn't been aware of.  I always thought I hadn't been taken seriously, and that he hadn't had any consequences, but that's apparently not the case.  He also offered to talk to me about it, to tell me anything I'd like to know, if I would like to.  He was clear that it's entirely up to me whether to have a conversation about it.

Left my ex 3 months ago after a long marriage, got in touch with someone I had a brief fling with 20 years ago.  Despite not living in my area anymore, we have started dating long distance.  I wasn't sure if I could date, I thought my "baggage" was too big, but he already knew quite a bit of it from before, though was very sad to hear that I've had a lot more since he last knew me.

I'm astounded how different it feels, being intimate scared me, I've had years of coercion and SA from my ex, and for a month I didn't even let him kiss me, even when he drove hundreds of miles just to see me.  He stayed around, reassuring me, waiting for me to do things in my own time.  I was scared he would reject me, but he just wanted to help me to recover.  There are some issues, things I can't do, but he is absolutely clear with me that I must NEVER do anything I don't want to, and certainly not out of duty or feeling obligated, he doesn't want that, and actually it would eat him up to think he had done anything that hurt me.  I think (hope) he's a keeper.  I'm actually daring to hope that I can be happy.

New here and not quite sure where I fit.

Possible trigger...

I was sexually abused (molested) by my father in my teens, reacted with self harm, suicide attempts, disordered eating, depression, went off to university and met my future husband aged 18, was moved in with him at 19 and married at 22. 

Turns out he wasn't quite the rescuer I thought, I've recently left him after 23 years of marriage, due in no small part to his 25+ years of coercing me into sex, as well as using prostitutes, and threatening/abusive behaviour towards the children.

Although I've never been diagnosed with either PTSD or CPTSD, I seem to fit the descriptors pretty well.  Currently seeing a therapist although I suspect I need someone with slightly different expertise, but trust is a massive issue for me so for now I'm sticking with her, as I do completely trust her.