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Messages - caringcaregiver

#1
General Discussion / Re: "The Storm"
March 06, 2018, 12:16:55 AM
Thank you everyone for replying. I'm sorry it's taken me a while to respond; life happens, as I'm sure you're all too aware.

I will pass on to my partner that it will be very hard in the beginning. We spoke to their therapist and she said that it's probably best to try it when the storm isn't in full effect. I'll try to remind them to work on it when things are relatively quiet and encourage them to persist. I know their limits, though, and I won't push them past that. They've been sending out feelers lately, which is great, they've been extremely isolated for the last few years as any contact at all has been too hard. So maybe now is the time to try again.

I have contacted every single dogs for veterans/PTSD operation that I know of. Either they don't handle PTSD service dogs or my partner would have to go to a personal training retreat for weeks (without me) to train the dog themselves under the eyes of the trainers. I have yet to find a place who wouldn't require that kind of a commitment from someone who can't even look outside the window or handle a phone call. Apparently service dogs for people who are extreme and severe don't exist, not that I have found. If anyone knows of something I'd be overjoyed. We too have thought that a dog would help. We joke that I'm their service dog since I have, just over long association, learned to sense their moods and I'll come over and touch their arm or lean against them when they're spiraling. Not always, but most times. I don't even realize I'm doing it most of the time. It's strange, the connection we have. But unfortunately I also have to deal with shopping and our kids and the finances and cleaning and all the other caregiving activities on top of being chronically ill myself (I have a rare genetic disorder, Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and several comorbid conditions) so I'm not always physically present like a dog would be, so I don't claim that I'm a suitable replacement. Going back to dogs, we are actually considering just getting a family dog and either trying to work training it out for ourselves (which I know some people choose to do) but that has its own pros and cons. We do plan on getting a dog either way, whether we decide to train it or not, but the backyard isn't safe yet and it will probably be several years before we can save up enough money to make the renovations necessary. So it's a really tough situation all around.
#2
General Discussion / Re: "The Storm"
February 18, 2018, 08:34:33 AM
Thank you for your response, Rainagain.

The biggest issue with mindfulness for my partner seems to be that focusing on something *here* (a sight, sound, taste, smell, sensation, thought, activity, etc) makes it worse. They really are trying to run away from being here, at least for a little bit, since dissociation was their major coping mechanism for most of their life. Any attempt to corral or pierce the storm by attempting to focus on something seems to make it come on faster (from their own words, we talked about it at length today) and they get really worked up. I haven't tried engaging with them during it so that could be something to try. They also like to play on their phone/tablet when they are overwhelmed, does anyone have any good app suggestions maybe? Their hands shake 24/7 so coloring isn't an option, and they love puzzle games but they are extremely specific about what kind of puzzles they like. A mindfulness app might be something to try since I can't always be there for them when they have an episode; either it happens while I'm gone (I run our entire house so I do all the errands and grocery shopping etc and also take care of the kids. They help where they can though, but I do most of it) or they don't want to speak up because they're in a fear moment.
#3
General Discussion / "The Storm"
February 17, 2018, 09:20:11 PM
(This might contain triggers; mentions of abuse in relation to C-PTSD but I keep it as vague as possible, no detailed descriptions)

Hello everyone, I'm new here. My partner of 11 years has bipolar II and severe C-PTSD from multiple instances of abuse occurring all throughout childhood, into young adulthood, and then going to Iraq with the Army in OIF 2 and part of 3 just sort of kicked off all of their (they are non binary) issues and started a downward spiral that led to delusions (making up past memories, hearing voices), suicidal ideations (and an attempt in 2013), major depression, panic anxiety, hyper vigilance, etc etc etc. They are completely unable to leave the house and can barely tolerate being present in the house. For a long time they were dissociating to the point of losing huge chunks of time and they were completely numb. Once we got their bipolar under better control, the voices and delusions started to clear up and they started getting more "clear headed" and over the last couple of years has been getting some memories back, feeling emotions finally. But all of that is too much.

They said they aren't feeling anxiety (one of their meds controls the constant anxiety they were feeling) but everything is just too much. They can't dissociate anymore or focus on anything at all, and every little thing, noise, light, activity around them (and we have two kids so it's impossible to get any quiet) distracts them and leads them into what they call a storm, where thoughts just start screaming at them from all angles and then they just start spiraling and have to lay down and sleep and shut their brain off. But they can't get away from the noise; like I can't get them to like go upstairs and just get some quiet because then they start feeling isolated and the storm happens anyway.

We are both at a loss. Their therapist has ascribed this storm to PTSD but we have no effective coping mechanisms. Everything has failed. Fidget spinners/fidget other things, reading, coloring books, apps, video games, meditation/mindfulness, talking, engaging in a project, every other thing we've seen that could be tried. They were diagnosed as ADHD as a child but it was also their parents doing the majority of the abusing so everything from childhood is suspect. And their team is hesitant to prescribe anything for potential ADHD or even look into diagnosing it because everything overlaps so much.

Does anyone here have anything similar? Is there any way you've found to cut through that storm? (Funnily enough this website is called Out of the Storm and that's what they've always called this phenomenon) Thank you. I hope everyone is having a good, low-pain, low-symptom day.