I've waited two years for my father to tell me he's sorry for really messing me up. I'm turning 18 in a couple months and I don't know if I care anymore or not, but I feel like it's been programmed into my brain that I am suppose to love my parents. Cutting that tie has been impossible, so I guess I'm just in for a long ride.
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#2
RE - Re-experiencing Trauma / It wasn't my fault . . . was it? ! TRIGGER WARNING !
February 22, 2018, 09:42:11 PM
!! TRIGGER WARNING !!
So, I come from a really dark past. But through my time in the trafficking industry I had one friend who tried to escape with me. But when we got caught her last words to me were "help me" and I couldn't and her life was taken. Currently, I hallucinate and I see her as a demonic ghost-like figure. She's like that creature from the movie "Mama" but with some minor changes. But I know it's her and its as if she is haunting me. I've been told I need to talk to her or touch her, but any time I do either, I wake up on the floor in a random spot in my house. Its like my mind is punishing me for something I couldn't help. Of course I feel guilty, but I cannot fight a bullet. One of my biggest symptoms of C-PTSD is the hallucinating, i'm not quite sure what to do or where to look.
So, I come from a really dark past. But through my time in the trafficking industry I had one friend who tried to escape with me. But when we got caught her last words to me were "help me" and I couldn't and her life was taken. Currently, I hallucinate and I see her as a demonic ghost-like figure. She's like that creature from the movie "Mama" but with some minor changes. But I know it's her and its as if she is haunting me. I've been told I need to talk to her or touch her, but any time I do either, I wake up on the floor in a random spot in my house. Its like my mind is punishing me for something I couldn't help. Of course I feel guilty, but I cannot fight a bullet. One of my biggest symptoms of C-PTSD is the hallucinating, i'm not quite sure what to do or where to look.
#3
RE - Re-experiencing Trauma / Flashbacks lead to real-time hallucinations
February 21, 2018, 10:12:30 PM
! TRIGGER WARNING !
I see flashbacks on the regular, but sometimes after I experience a flashback I start hallucinating as if I'm back where an event happened. For example, I'll see a replay of a man beating me and then after the flashback I will be in the house where it happened, or that man will be standing in-front of me, until I recognize it'm hallucinating.
Is there some connection? Or is my mind just freaking out and causing more problems?
Is having both these symptoms the way I have them normal?
I see flashbacks on the regular, but sometimes after I experience a flashback I start hallucinating as if I'm back where an event happened. For example, I'll see a replay of a man beating me and then after the flashback I will be in the house where it happened, or that man will be standing in-front of me, until I recognize it'm hallucinating.
Is there some connection? Or is my mind just freaking out and causing more problems?
Is having both these symptoms the way I have them normal?
#4
General Discussion / Re: Things They Said
February 21, 2018, 02:01:33 AM
! TRIGGER WARNING !
The man that abused me when I was 9 told me "I made some new toys to show you."
The man that abused me when I was 9 told me "I made some new toys to show you."
#5
General Discussion / New User- My story- TRIGGER WARNING
February 21, 2018, 01:13:18 AM
! TRIGGER WARNING !
So i'm new here and i'm not sure exactly where to start so i guess ill just tell my story. Any advice on a good recovery path is appreciated.
For about a year I was pulled into human trafficking and my experiences ranged from physical to sexual to emotional abuse by many people. I was involved in forced labor, torture, starvation, prostitution, and forced combat with others.
When I got out of the situation I built walls around the memories and forgot about it until i turned 16 and my walls broke down. I was told i have depression and given pills I didn't take. Currently I am in a good relationship and I am in a good place. but I cant seem to get over the memories and I get flashbacks and hallucinations. I also suffer many of the symptoms which I don't remember all of. I get a decent amount of exercise and i eat okay. I guess I'm in a pretty good spot right now. Thoughts?
So i'm new here and i'm not sure exactly where to start so i guess ill just tell my story. Any advice on a good recovery path is appreciated.
For about a year I was pulled into human trafficking and my experiences ranged from physical to sexual to emotional abuse by many people. I was involved in forced labor, torture, starvation, prostitution, and forced combat with others.
When I got out of the situation I built walls around the memories and forgot about it until i turned 16 and my walls broke down. I was told i have depression and given pills I didn't take. Currently I am in a good relationship and I am in a good place. but I cant seem to get over the memories and I get flashbacks and hallucinations. I also suffer many of the symptoms which I don't remember all of. I get a decent amount of exercise and i eat okay. I guess I'm in a pretty good spot right now. Thoughts?
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