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Thank you for the kind replies. It really helps to know others understand and have dealt with the same issues.

I spoke with her on the phone and told her that I grew up in a volatile environment, and spent a long time isolating myself because I couldn't deal with the pressure. I also said i want to be transparent, but have to work on it.  i think, if anything, she liked that I trusted her. I do feel much better not having to hide it (as I have always done). I don't think I would be able to relax in the relationship without explaining this, so it probably wouldn't work anyway.

I guess, in this regard the self-sabotaging part of me helps. One thought is: "If she doesn't like this, then good...you don't have to deal with the stress of a relationship anymore."

Hello,

I am new to this forum. I am grateful because CPTSD really fits what I have experienced in life

I always avoided relationships because I had a deep pain inside that would be triggered by the smallest sign of perceived rejection. After going to therapy I know this came from my childhood and is only my perception. (Unfortunately, my therapist was not familiar with CPTSD, but that doesn't matter).

I am now 41, and have been dating a wonderful woman of the same age. I am very attracted to her, but this is strongly triggering those feelings. I have been unable to sleep and concentrate over the smallest perceived slights (none of which have turned out to be real).  I am trying to accept the feeling, let it pass, and not act on it, but I know this will eventually become self-sabotaging..

I can tell she values openness. She told me about her post-partum depression and shared some youtube links about "fear vs love". When I told her I have had panic attacks, she was very appreciative. I think she would like me to share more about myself, but I don't know how to describe my past and condition without driving her away.

I think I should say something like "I have had this condition that I manage, I sometimes feel down, but it is nothing to do with you". Is there any other advice on how to deal with this?

Thank You