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Thanks Blueberry,

I am so happy to have found this site. The craziness to know you were not wanted... I was conceived because "she was supposed to have a child". It took nine years for her to get pregnant. I am sure she was sickened when they announced she had a girl.

She has spewed hate towards me, called me a wh@re before I had even held a boy's hand, ignored me, chooses to forget, told me " it is your fault you were raped", etc
Hugs,

Hi,

I am the only child of a uBPD mother. My father died suddenly when I was a child. He was my only parent.  I always knew my M strongly disliked me, including prior to kindergarten.

I am in my 40's, however think like a child. Numerous Ts have stated I am stuck around the age I was when my father died. I felt as if I was an orphan then. My M was too connected to her FOO (I cannot believe she ever married),  to even acknowledge my needs, emotions, feelings. She never hugged me.

I disliked my mother's mother. I did not want her at our house after my F died. They both knew this. I would come home from school & there she was.....I would have a meltdown, crying, calling my M at work, hysterically screaming "make her leave". This HUMILIATED uBPDM, because what her coworkers & other people thought were so much more important than her only child. This went weekly for a few years.

If I wanted Christmas, I had to decorate, be dropped off at a mall, buy my own presents, wrap them, hand them to her to put a tag on.

I was in a depressive and social anxiety episode all through high school.
Even though I was "gifted", my M never encouraged me, did not care about my grades, nothing.....she only cared about if she was pleasing her mother & what others thought.

When I watched "Mommy Dearest ", I got the chills....so familiar.

I have had some type of anxiety/depression most of my adult life.

None of my mother's siblings ever noticed anything wrong or "off" with her....

Thanks for listening.

Kirby