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Hi Slackjaw99 -

Wow, I'm so amazed to hear about the relief you've gotten from the therapy you did. Do you want to share what type of therapy it was? I agree with you that these memories are a blessing in disguise, as awful as they are. Finally, I am able to face not just what happened, but its impact on me, in a way I couldn't do before. I was always holding certain things at arm's length because I I just wasn't ready to look at them or feel them. And now, here they are. I've been grieving a lot, and everyone I talk to about healing says that grief is good -- that the body and soul know why they're crying, and to let it happen. So I am.

I am really understanding, for the first time in my life, that I can deal with deeper levels of healing only when I am ready. I've tried to push the process before, through an act of sheer will, thinking, "I need to be strong, I need to face this, I need to figure this out, I need to heal already." I'm now realizing that the healing process takes its own time and goes its own way and that it doesn't look the way I expected it would.

--Enya

Hi Cygnus,

Welcome! I'm new here too and, like you, have dealt with a lot of isolation. I am doing my best to move out of it, and I'm finding that small steps seem to help. i'm glad you showed up here and that you are reaching out in the ways you feel able.

-Enya

Hi y'all - thanks so much for the welcome! Looking forward to being a part of this community.

- Enya

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to make my first post here. My therapist recommended this website, so I thought I would stop by and say hi.

I'm in my late 50s and dealing with CPTSD that is nearly lifelong. I've been in and out of abuse recovery for about 35 years, and I've done some hard work on my issues. But I have been having an intense time of it lately, with a lot of physical and emotional flashbacks to things that occurred when I was very small. It has been very overwhelming to feel all of these feelings. Some incidents, I'd never forgotten, but the feelings have been flooding me in a way they never have before; and I've been remembering other things for the first time since I was a teenager. It's as though the dam I'd built up over the course of my life has broken. I've been crying a lot, grieving, and feeling a lot of deep, painful aloneness. I suppose I must somehow be ready for this for the feelings to finally break through, but yikes.

I have had trauma in both childhood and adulthood, and I've dealt with a lot of isolation. The flashbacks are intruding so much these days that it's hard to feel connected to others. But when I'm able to be present, I feel perhaps more connected to others than I've ever felt in my life. It's as though I am feeling everything very intensely -- the good and the difficult.

Anyway, just want to say hi and hope everyone is getting something that they need from this forum.

- Enya