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   So I've been reading a bit on this and he goes in detail on how to deal with CPTSD in his book "COMPLEX PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving". It's helped quite a bit so far in understanding what I'm going through. It's helped me get rid of some inner shame and express my grief more freely and openly without feeling as if I'm making a big deal or being overly dramatic. I didn't know this was something your parents needed to help teach in you. I still have issues with people I don't know and work is still a far out option. My only chose is waiting for Vocational rehab to help me find work and education. If they can't help then I'm back on disability until I can work on this more.

   I just wanted to let people know that I found this helpful and hope you can to. Just to let you know I'm a bad reader and hardly ever chose to read a book and even with my limited reading abilities this is still helpful. It's always worth giving a try.

[So to start this off (My first post no less) I've dealt with this for many, many years. I've talked to consolers and psychiatrists about his issue and I haven't found much help with this specifically. I'm still getting help for my diagnosed PTSD (un-diagnosed C-PTSD]

So to start this off (My first post no less) I've dealt with this for many, many years. I've talked to consolers and psychiatrists about his issue and I haven't found much help with this specifically. I'm still getting help for my diagnosed PTSD (un-diagnosed C-PTSD)

To start off I was exposed to sexual content at a very young age. I was about 6 or 7 when I first seen porn and 8 or 9 when something actually happened with my abusive brother. Don't really want to get to into that right now. Lets just say it ended with him R**ing me. I got into some weird porn (nothing illegal just highly questionable) and I was 9 when I started to masturbate. When my mom found out things were more or less swept under the family rug and he was grounded for like a week. I still felt like I was in trouble. Should would even get mad at me if I was caught masturbating. She would then shame me, then later forget anything happened at all. I honestly think she has BPD or something.

I'm 26 now and still have issues with hypersexuality and masturbation in general. I look at less questionable martial now (mostly anime) after scaring myself in my teens with some really heavy R*** themed stuff. It actually helped me to draw a hard line for myself. The thing is my mind still goes to sex more often than not. I sometimes fantasize having one night stands or wish I could find a FWB or a relationship just for sex. The big issue is when ever I climax I almost feel like a child again (as * up as that is) and it lingers for days. Apathy then sinks and I don't want to do anything for a few days other than sleep or masturbate some more. I can still chose not to do it which helps but it also feels so ingrained into me that this sexual trait is almost part of my identity. I feel like without it I'm somehow removing a part of myself which is not okay.

My question is has anyone else dealt with something similar or currently dealing with a similar situation? If you have or/are what are some methods that help you cope with or without that "part" of you?

I've tried accepting, owning, loving and hating it but none seem to work so far. It could be my meds I think (225Mg effexor) but they help a lot with general depression and OCD issues. Any advice, direction or information would be immensely helpful and If you got this far into my ramblings? Thank you.