Hi there! I`m new here and, in spite of growing up in an engendering C-PTSD environment, new to the whole concept.
I started therapy about 2 years ago, but had tried a few times over the last decade. I used to run away of therapy when the Ts started to ask about my family. I would run away and never go back.
On October of 2016 I found out I had heart failure (I am 32 yo) and had to start treatment and implant a special pacemaker. That`s when I went back to therapy (the last T I had met and run from). I got really depressed and worried about my condition, but I had to put it together to comfort my mother. She, as always, was the center of attention even though who have been told might need a transplant in the future was me.
That`s when I realized I had to look to my family dynamics. I new that my sister had many symptoms of NPD for a while, but she does not think she has any problems, as I am the one that causes her to do the things she does.
My grandparents were both very complicated human beings. My grandfather had the traits for NPD with a touch of antisocial and my grandmother had the drama characteristic of BPD. They raised my mother to be the queen of the world and she should not be disturbed with my human needs of attention, love and insecurities. That`s why I was raised by my grandparents while my mother would dedicate herself to her brilliant carrier.
As I was growing up, I guess I was the scapegoat of everyone. My grandmother would threaten me, saying things like I would kill my mother if I did not obey, I did not deserve the effort she did, I did not deserve the family and the mother I had. My sister was the entitled one, she is the one that is seen and the one that conquers all the glories.
My grandparents passed a few years ago. But I still live with my uNPD mother and uNPD sister.
I have been having anxiety attacks and feeling really hopeless at the moment, guess I`ve been triggered into this feeling, but still find it difficult to know what triggers me. I just started the recovery process, it is nice to know that it is possible to get out of this, although the long path is a bit discouraging.
Sorry about the long text and thanks very much for the attention.
I started therapy about 2 years ago, but had tried a few times over the last decade. I used to run away of therapy when the Ts started to ask about my family. I would run away and never go back.
On October of 2016 I found out I had heart failure (I am 32 yo) and had to start treatment and implant a special pacemaker. That`s when I went back to therapy (the last T I had met and run from). I got really depressed and worried about my condition, but I had to put it together to comfort my mother. She, as always, was the center of attention even though who have been told might need a transplant in the future was me.
That`s when I realized I had to look to my family dynamics. I new that my sister had many symptoms of NPD for a while, but she does not think she has any problems, as I am the one that causes her to do the things she does.
My grandparents were both very complicated human beings. My grandfather had the traits for NPD with a touch of antisocial and my grandmother had the drama characteristic of BPD. They raised my mother to be the queen of the world and she should not be disturbed with my human needs of attention, love and insecurities. That`s why I was raised by my grandparents while my mother would dedicate herself to her brilliant carrier.
As I was growing up, I guess I was the scapegoat of everyone. My grandmother would threaten me, saying things like I would kill my mother if I did not obey, I did not deserve the effort she did, I did not deserve the family and the mother I had. My sister was the entitled one, she is the one that is seen and the one that conquers all the glories.
My grandparents passed a few years ago. But I still live with my uNPD mother and uNPD sister.
I have been having anxiety attacks and feeling really hopeless at the moment, guess I`ve been triggered into this feeling, but still find it difficult to know what triggers me. I just started the recovery process, it is nice to know that it is possible to get out of this, although the long path is a bit discouraging.
Sorry about the long text and thanks very much for the attention.