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Hi, I was recently diagnosed with CPTSD and my therapist recommended I join a forum like this.

I am really struggling lately with work and what to do with my life. My job is in customer service and I find it harder and harder to maintain relationships with people and co-workers. I am wondering if some of you experience similar difficulties. I know CPTSD causes serious issues with interpersonal relationships but I feel like it is so much worse now as I am getting older (30's). I never feel like I fit in, I always think people are talking about me behind my back, and I have difficulty communicating. I get angry very easily by my co-workers and often flip out. I feel like everyone just thinks I am mean (but I try to tell myself this is just my inner critic coming through). There have been times I had to sneak out of work early because I have been so upset with feelings of being left out, I uncontrollably cry. I feel like everyone gets along and I am just on the outside.

I am going to be laid off soon (they are closing the place), so now I am kind of freaking out about what jobs I can even look for. I hate that I have to meet a whole group of new co-workers. I feel like I am not capable or working in customer service anymore (this is the only experience I have). I don't know if I should go back to school which is stressful for me because I hated high school and college and almost flunked out. I also just have no idea what to do with my life. I feel so lost!

Any line of work someone can recommend? I love animals and feel more connected with animals than I do people. I just have no experience with this (other than my pets), and to be honest, the pay isn't good, usually minimum wage and I live in an expensive city with high rent.

But then, sometimes I hear people say "who enjoys what they do for work? work is work".

I am just so torn if I should go for something I enjoy (which might not pay as much as I am used to), or try and suck it up and work another job I dislike. I don't know if I can mentally handle working in customer service talking to different people every day.

Should I be looking for a work from home job? or will isolating myself more just make my mental state worse?

I went to 1 interview for a position that doesn't involve dealing with the public and I was qualified for, but going to the interview was itself so difficult for me. It took a week of mental preparation. I almost backed out of going so many times I can't even count. The interview process is very overwhelming for me. I feel like I was just really awkward and haven't heard back from them so I don't think I got it.

Any advice would be appreciated

Hi Cheyenne, I have also been recently diagnosed with CPTSD.

As many others have said- I feel connected to your post and know exactly how you feel. It feels better knowing that people are suffering (or have) in similar ways, we are not alone. Some days I feel like I can't stop crying and some days I am so happy, never really in between. I believe this is why CPTSD was commonly misdiagnosed as bipolar, the drastic highs and lows. I was told by my therapist to try my best to recognize my triggers- which for me was stress at work and stress from my family. Sometimes I am triggered and I don't even realize it: by a TV show, commercial, or even overhearing a conversation.

I hope my emotions will regulate the more I realize my triggers and consciously change my reactions to them (or avoid them altogether). 

Yes, I get vivid nightmares as well. Mostly all of the dreams I can remember are nightmares, ever since I was a child. I frequently wake up crying, a lot of the time they are reoccurring as well. I also yell a lot in my sleep (my BF tells me). Even though the scenarios are not exactly what happened to me, my therapist says that they are flashbacks to a time when I felt unsafe and vulnerable.

Thank you for posting this.

Thank you so much MotherOf2Meowzers for posting this.

I am new to this forum and really connect with this post.
This sounds exactly like what I go through on a daily basis. I overanalyze every interaction with everyone I meet.
Sometimes I feel like I am going crazy because I can't stop replaying conversations I've had, the worst is at night when I am trying to go to bed. 

I also really connect to you saying that you stutter and avoid looking people in the eyes. I work in customer service and lately it has become extremely difficult for me to talk to people. Some days I just have to take the day off because the thought of interacting with another human causes too much anxiety.

For so long I thought my social anxiety wasn't related to my childhood trauma, or that I had OCD because of my obsessive thoughts, but my therapist really opened by eyes to the fact that this is just another symptom of CPTSD.

Thank you everyone for your advice on how to cope with this.