Messages

Hi all
I just want to send a big virtual hug to my oots friends during this pandemic, I am currently in semi lockdown here in aus, for us it's the 3 rd major disaster this year after the fires then floods, now this virus, so virtually everyone is suffering from trauma, I've been in one type of stay at home order for probably half the year, it's crazy, I've been getting video conference therapy weekly and it's a life saver, my d2 got married at the end of December and her hubby has 2 little ones in his full time care, so now I'm a nanna as well, they are currently living with me until they find a rental, which is pretty much impossible atm, with so many losing there houses in the fires there is a big strain on the rental market and now with lockdown  I am actually loving having them here, the kids are so beautiful it's lifted me up a lot - we are far from any city so the crisis isn't as bad here, my d1  and son are in a city, d1 lost her job in shutdowns but my s has his job still, it's an essential service, I want them to come here though they are are staying there. Hope you are all well.
hugs from wb

Hi all
I've been dealing with bush fires here still, they have eased at the moment though our road out is still closed due to falling trees that were burnt out, it's been rediculous there's only one road in and out of our town, and so many people have lost houses, well over 2000 in my state so far, 3 locals were killed it's just mind blowing,
I've started doing therapy over the inet which is working out better than I thought it would (my therapist is semi retiring and kept a few long term clients online)
I'm getting anxious as I've got a session this afternoon, I still get anxious over therapy and it's nearly been 2 years since I started. I sometimes think I'm going backwards, I'm not however, i am so emotional now I don't know how to handle it,
This week gone by I had a strange experience of a teenage part take over I was confused in my house expecting my childhood home and wasn't sure where I was, I haven't been in that house for 25 years it was strange, not scary just confusing, I've been worrying about DID ever since. I'm going to talk to my therapist about it today. I have mentioned it as a concern once before about a yr ago but she said adamantly that I didn't have DID, so 
Wb

Thanks woodsgnome the fire situation has indeed eased somewhat,
I've been feeling in limbo waiting for my house to sell so I can get away from here and start fresh elsewhere, now I'm starting to realise I just need to get on with life and start doing some of these plans, it's not ideal here with so many triggers close by but I can't just live in limbo forever.
I'm looking at anchoring techniques today and thinking about how I can be consciously aware of practising them, I have been dissociating a lot, though I've been much more aware of it occurring now, ive learnt to recognise the cause and want to start to try and anchor me to the present, I already feel inner opposition to this so I'm guessing it will be a struggle
Wb

Good choice hope! sometimes our parts need to feel we are listening and you have (I think) reassured them with your decision not to write when they were unhappy with what you were saying.
Wb

Thanks sceal - I'm working on it,
The cue word relaxation - it works by practicing relaxation techniques while using your cue word like repeating it in your head out loud whatever your comfortable with, and soon your mind associates the two and you can use your cue word to help relax yourself. I'm still working on this, I think it will help with my social anxieties, so I'm enjoying the practice, it's going to need continuous work,
On other news my d1 went home and my d2 is here for a week to help out with the fire prepping bel and fighting if necessary, I drove my d2 here and saw an awful lot of devestation on the trip, houses shops and cars burnt out power poles down, just hour after hour of driving on a 5 hour trip at least 3 hrs was through burnt country and there still burning it's quite calm at the moment though so safe to travel -we've been told to expect a bad weekend.
Wbb

Welcome back
So glad you got on top of the medication issues, it's great your back
Wb

Hi again
Thanks for the well wishes, I've started a new journal so thank you for being a part of this one - time to focus on recovery  xoxo

Wb

Trigger warning mentions self harm

I've decided to start a new journal, I want to work through 2 books,  with the goal of improving my mental health, my emotional well being, and nurturing my parts, I was going to wait until I moved house and start a new journal, with my new environment but with the fires and  travel being so restricted it may be months before I sell,
The two books I'm going to be focusing on are
1. Coping with trauma related dissociation, skills training
2. The DBT skills work book
I've read both books through but I'm really going to work on gaining the skills I lack. Both books really outlined the problems I experience so well that I'm going to use both.
This past week I've been working on distress tolerance, something I have very little of, so I've been concentrating on 2 main methods - distraction and key word relaxation
Distractions I use range from breathing exercises to cold showers,  reading books, to counting backwards to cleaning the house and mindfulness,
When trying to distract from self distructive thoughts I pull my hair - not out, just enough to feel pain,  I'm not sure about this as it seems wrong to cause myself pain but it really works, the dbt book said a non destructive pain like an elastic band snapped on your wrist was far better than more permanent forms of pain, and distracts ur thoughts.
I'll go through my second method tomorrow  cue word relaxation
Wb

Thanks everyone
We are safe, the fires turned and missed us, but we haven't escaped yet, there is fire in every direction and roads are cut so we will be lucky to entirely escape before this is through, we are well stocked for food and water though and in no immediate danger, my d1 is here and can't get home, her boss has been great though letting her use her work vehicle to transport down supplies for us knowing she may not be able to return- I'm just grateful she is here it's keeping me sane having her, it's absolutely a horrendous situation here in Australia there are people losing houses and lives all over, we have no access to fuel or food though the army is starting to escort food down, there are people camping through out the bigger towns, it looks like a refugee camp, we are fortunate to be by the beach at least we have the ocean to jump into, which many many hundreds have done to save there lives I've seen masses of cars drive straight into a lake to save there lives and families, there are towns that have lost the majority of there shops and houses, it's just mind blowing absolutely mind blowing, I'm feeling quit posative today though being free of danger for a couple of days thanks for letting me vent on a non cptsd subject although maybe it is, it's been a quite traumatising experience,
Thanks wb

Thanks for the support,
I'm lying I bed trying to sleep, tomorrow is meant to be horrendous 42deg c strong winds coming directly towards us from the fire front which is 60 km wide and not far away its supposed to hit here around lunch time - so I'm a nervous wreck and I seriously doubt I'll b able to sleep - I doubled my meds but don't think it's helping much. 
We will lose communications so I'll update you as soon as I can get back online, the devestation here is massive, the trauma in the area is going to have huge long term effects and they are saying the worst is still to come, our small community is going to shelter at the beach or in the water if necessary - were as prepared as can be so wish us luck - don't know how I'll cope with my social anxiety - with the whole community together in a highly stressful situation  - I just want some sleep to help me cope.
Thanks for listening to my ranting I just needed to vent off some anxiety
Wb

Sending hugs to fill  your void   

Hi San
You've always been an enormous encouragement to me and many others here, thank you so much for your love and empathy, I'm sorry your feeling hollow that's such a horrible feeling.
But as I read your posts I felt I needed to tell u what an encouragement you've been, I haven't expressed it nearly enough in the past
Wb

Sending hugs db

Well I'm home and smack bang in the path of a fire said to hit here on Saturday - the roads are already blocked every direction, at least I have power and telecommunications now it was down for 2 days and expected to go down again, anxiety is up and down.
The place is crazy - I'm just trying to manage my mental health - just 2 weeks out of hospital and I'm facing this new test - it's just so wonderful to have power and inet again at least I can communicate with people again
Xo wb

Hi all,
Thanks for the welcome home, I'm at my d1 place, it took a while to get here as there are major bushfires all over and many many roads are closed, I got here finally and we are well away from the fires now thankfully, my therapist was discussing giving me some DBT work this coming year, so I've been reading a book about it, my d2 did a group therapy dbt last year and she is defitely coping better, so I'm going to try focusing on that for now.
Happy holidays and stay safe this season
X wb