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just my thoughts on this.  thanks for sharing and reaching out here.   best to you with this.  sending an encouraging hug to you.

Thanks for sharing. At this point she clarified that she wasn't trying to bring her personal things into it, but she hasn't responded in any way at all to the way I took the entirety of what she said. I've tried to bring it up a few times, saying "hey did you notice that I did this the other week...is it possible that when people do this (insert what she did) that I tend to (insert what I did)?" She keeps dismissing it. I tried to ask if she wanted to focus on something specific, I wasn't sure if she was trying to keep me on track with something else but I think she either doesn't want to address it or doesn't see it. Either way I'm done with her. It sucks but I'm starting to understand I can't just hang on to people forever because I feel like I owe them something. She's not my friend. It's not a mutual relationship so when she's not helping me I need to move on.

Right?  I think anyway 

Hi Whatno 

Thank you for the response. It's I big relief to know I'm not just being stubborn or ignoring her. She's actually an older woman in her 40s or so. When I first started I didnt know I was there for ptsd so I didnt pay much attention to her style or approach and to be honest I don't know what it is at all. I definitely question her ability with trauma though. With as much as she knows about my past she should have know better. I think anyway. I get so messed up in what people "should and shouldn't" know or do sometimes. My normal meter is way off but I think that must be kind of common for ptsd from childhood trauma.

You pretty much stated my fears. If I talk to her about this, what if it's the same thing over again and I end up more triggered and back in the fog I've been in all month?

Then again I want to address this. I want to overcome it. I don't want apology from her or anything. I just want to know that I can be triggered and turn it around you know?

You might be right about a letter. I email her often because of traveling for work so maybe I should work on writing something up.

Thanks for the input!

Feel free to move this to another board if needed: I'm new here, new to c-ptsd, new to it all.

I just learned about the fight, flight, freeze, fawn response (thanks Google and this website!) while I was searching around trying to figure out what is going on with me.

I've been in therapy for about 2 years and the last month or so my therapist has triggered what I now suspect is an emotional flashback. I don't think she knows its happening and I certainly didn't.

We had a good relationship before this. I felt like I could trust her and tell her things with only a small amount of fear over her reaction.

So I think what started this is about a month ago we had a disagreement about how I feel about something I did. She thought I was being to harsh on myself and I think I went into the conversation open minded and wanting to discuss but she reacted strongly. She was very adamant that I was wrong. I jumped into fighting until she essentially boiled it down to two things: I hurt her feelings by not trusting her judgment and I wasn't hearing what she said due to my ptsd.

So I about fell over myself fawning. I've never cried in front if her before that but I remember busting out crying and begging her to forgive me and I've been on eggshells since, just saying and doing whatever I can to stay in therapy and do what she wants. I was unable to function for days worrying that she'd never see me again.

A few things here:

-I understand at this point I may have a questionable therapist, however I'm motivated to work this out with her before moving on. I want to stop this pattern and confront whatever made me do this. I have a little hope that if we can get through this then it might strengthen our therapy.

-I think I'm seeing this correctly as an emotional flashback and my response being to fawn after the fighting didn't work. And possibly countertranferance on her side because of how she was so passionate about me being wrong and hurt over my beliefs about myself.

-how would you bring this up or try to heal this? My therapist is not very diagnosis focused. She accepts what the psychiatrist diagnosed but says she prefers to work on symptoms. I wonder if she would've seen what was happening if she kept my diagnosis more present? I'm terrified she won't listen at all. I'm scared I'm going to bring it up and immediately fawn before getting my point made. I'm scared to lose her too, despite being half in and half out the door and recognizing that she's not helping me right now.