Messages

I would love to talk in small groups

Sending you a (if it's ok)

Yes, of course it is OK. I've found that the abusers tends to isolate us when we're being targeted. So any word of encouragement is of great value, always.   I will try to get the jobs no matter what, evading the unnecessary rocks on the path. In my example, it was not allowing me to have an speed internet connection (as silly but harmful as it sounds).
These days, in many situations a stable decent internet connection is a must, but they won't let me... anyway. Based on several past experiences, today was internet the excuse, in other moments it could be anything.
They certainly try to stop growth and create a co-dependence situation. And they certainly feel (very high levels of) jealousy. Even after all these years it amazes me. 

Again, thanks for your kind words.

Whenever I mention that I'm about to get a job, the two narcs that lives with me (8 years now). Mother and grandmother. They always try to sabotage, create a crisis, do anything to stop my independence.
I'm going to be strong. I have a person that believes in me (besides myself now).

[Is anybody here living this right now? It's a hard test for the world, but if we add a narc in your life at this moment?]

If this topic is already on the forum please delete it, I couldn't find it elsewhere.

My simple question (I have some answers though).
Is anybody here living this right now? It's a hard test for the world, but if we add a narc in your life at this moment? in the same space... the "toolbox" we are used to is limited, different.

In my opinion (please please share yours) gray rock and not being proactive, is working, also, not following "conversations" more than necessary. Being like a ghost for them, locked (but studying and producing in my room)... is working for me (so far).

Looking forward to hearing from you,
SunnyD 

[And there's a constant battle here that can be translated in any other art form...]

Hello, 

I compose music, professional. Sometimes s my main job. And there's a constant battle here that can be translated in any other art form...

When I create music, I focus on angelic, peaceful, loving places. BUT sometimes I feel that I need to express the darkness. It's an inner battle. Jungian. The Shadow...

Does this indecision happen to you guys?
Which direction to go... A, B, or... both?

English is not my tongue language, I hope you can understand this.

Happy holidays,
Sunny

Supportive, and I miss some very very good things... BUT, I've carried the trauma with me. So we end up as "friends", sometimes hurting each others even without knowing. Specially me AFAIK. SO, I need to be strong. Like the say, wait (and) work for a year and a half away from the couple and also, do therapy and do what you can (take it easy) because you may (I did) make someone you love partially unhappy because of our ghosts,

In my case the problem was still quite around... even today, So, we need to fix ourselves (with help). But the last time around (10 years!). It was lovely in many many regards, there's more than hope. And I look forward for the future to, eventually, enjoy a family again.

[BUT]

There may be something to this statement that is true, but something seems off about it and I don't know what it is.

I've felt the exact same! It may be that we give power to them, granted. BUT we are trained to give them power and to change that requires: will, knowledge and time (like all normal habits).

["I'm in a bad mood/feeling asleep"]

I'm here, 3 and a half hours after the event, still trying to feel relaxed, sometimes it takes time.
I'm just worried that this is affecting my work, and therefore my escape from this *-house I live in.

Today, after days of Roman peace, I've found out that telling the abusers "I'm in a bad mood/feeling asleep" after a narc gave me an order, is a dangerous situation for me.

A narcissist in my family said after my reply to the order and honest comment of being asleep: "I don't g a *****!"  and then, even when I was trying to calm the waters, a second narc joined and their drama began.
The attack was in stereo, as usual. And as you know, it was not a normal (even healthy) family fight, but a narc-sick one.

The most interesting part of the attack occurred in what I call an antilove-bombing, rivers of words of hate and threats (quite incoherent phrases I must say).

Conclusions...?

If you feel asleep and try to be "good" with them, that's a moment when they might attack you. Yes, they attack when you feel vulnerable, that's nothing new, but that's my reminder-lesson of the day.

We all have moments of vulnerability, and yes they might attack, and we might even fall (like I did) into the trap of "explaining" your good intentions.  -  But it's ok, I just need to refocus and move on. I'm doing that now, it takes time sometimes.

The positive aspect is that they show what they are really thinking and show who they really are once more, and that is always a good reminder.

I feel very tense and this is preventing me from doing my work normally tonight, that's worrying me a bit, to be honest.
Because if I can't focus I can't earn the money I need to escape once more.

It's true when some experts say that it takes up to 7 tries in average to leave.

Guilty too lol. For sure we all do get a bit wordy from time to time and that's not a bad thing considering most of us kept silent for far too long.  When most every post fills the screen is when it gets a bit problematic because they can be hard to get through and discourage members from reading and responding. 

There is a lot we need to talk about because of what we've been through though so two suggestions are to break up longer posts into 2 or 3 smaller posts,  and/or start a journal and write out what you want to there (because length isn't an issue in journals).

Thank you Kizzie,

I was writing that out of the blue, even when I've read the guidelines, I don't know why. I was traveling and I think I was on the phone and just wanted to write something useful. Please ignore and disregard.
Sorry, I'm a newcomer...

Sunny

You have no idea of how that little emoji made me feel. Neither did I expected such reaction in myself.
To the point that I'm suddenly crying from relief in a bus.

Because I'm not alone, and many of us are trying to survive too and understand.

I wish you the best.

Thank you Kizzie, I'm just trying to collaborate somehow because the Forum is great. Sometimes even when I try it's hard for me to visit before because of triggering effects.

Sorry if this is a double post or something like that, or if my English is not good enough.

Thanks for your patience to you and all the members I try to do my best.

Last year I ve found a job... Days after that in front of my 19 yo daughter, a huge insane drama crisis. I can't write well on this phone... But I'll try.

And this weekend history repeats.

It's just so hard to avoid replying when out of the blue on a special moment they abuse in everyway of you...
Grat rock is hard to achieve when you're stuck again in the house of the abusers, and one falls into their reply-me trap.

At least one thing it's clear, they make evident (even more) about their true thoughts once more...

I'm heading to my psychiatrist, my head hurts.

It's hard.

To be honest, since you are asking for opinions, I would not watch what you have described.   

Well, good to know and I understand. By opinions, I mean people (professionals) that are not a narc and are informed. And opinions from people that's on the way to recovery just like me.
I mean, I have my POV, but everybody has a one... that's why I joined this forum and talk to other people. Remember that my goal, for now, is not ourselves... since it may be triggering, but for people who still don't get it. Especially professionals that aren't up to speed, but some are.

Like our other friend said, YouTube is plenty of EXCELLENT material, some of that made me realize that I'm recovering from CPTSD (didn't even knew the acronym).
But now I know... and that's good news.

I can tell you this, it will have a POV and some people may and will disagree with it. But my key points are simple: CPTSD is real, and both personal and public awareness is good.

Best,
Sunny

Oh, I've misunderstood. I was re-reading my original post, so I reply to your question.
You see, I was trying to talk about this petit project with someone of value, that's on my shoes more or less.
Can you elaborate, please?...   

In other words, Why you would be probably not interested in something like this film simply because I want to get some valuable feedback and/or comments and even critics. I don't really "need it" since I know my life. But I don't want to create an auto-biography. It isn't the purpose of this "informational"/awareness increasing film. I may be wrong in some things, so I approach it in a scientific peer-reviewed fashion you can say (it's a simple analogy), or maybe I don't know some colours of the whole spectrum of CPTSD: Yes, the basics are the same, worldwide. But there are subtle differences in POVs, I think dialogue is a good thing.
But may I be missing something (probably) or maybe I was not clear about something?

I'm truly curious.
I mean I know what I want to do, but there's a broad spectrum of kind of traumas.

Anyway, love to you Three Roses! 

That I've found the beginning of a solution time ago, and today I'm closer to it.

And also because the sky is blue and the sun is shining in a warm way.

Appreciate the offer Sunny but the Admins & ITs at our sister site Out of the FOG are in the process of working to switch the sites from http to https. I should add that anyone can see what we write here because we are public but we are all anonymous.  Plus, we advise members not to include personally identifying info in posts or use their real name so OOTS is safe. We are switching to https mainly because Google moves sites up in their search rankings if they are https.

Oh I've just read this. Thank you!!