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Hi all, in Pete Walker's book on CPTSD, he describes dysfunctional parents who "react destructively to their child's budding sense of initiative. If this occurs throughout his childhood, the survivor may feel lost and purposeless in his life. He may drift through his whole life rudderless and without a motor. Moreover, even when he manages to identify a goal of his own choosing, he may struggle to follow through with extended and concentrated effort."

I've always had specific concrete goals, and I still do. But there seems to be some missing link between knowing what my goal is and understanding how to get there. It's like other people know what to do in life and how to be a part of the world, and I literally don't know how to chart a path from being alone with a goal and trying to achieve it.

Like Pete Walker says, I feel totally rudderless, totally at sea with no map.

If this is too abstract I can try to clarify, but I'm wondering whether anyone has advice or tips on figuring out how to accomplish things in the world. Do I need a life coach or something?

Thanks for these responses! It's nice to read them. xx

Hi everyone. It's taken me a while to decide to join this forum because I am so reluctant to have to introduce myself and think about how to explain my story, but here I am, after my therapist convinced me it would be helpful (and he's usually right). I just want to keep it brief, so basically I am a 42 year old mother of 2 boys, still processing trauma from my childhood and adolescence oh so slowly...it feels like complex trauma will always be my defining characteristic at this point. I grew up with a mother and stepfather who were abusive, negligent, toxic in every way, and a father who came and went in and out of my life as he pleased.

I'm married but lately am more and more aware that my marriage has many echoes of my traumatic family relationships. My husband isn't abusive, but I'm realizing how frequently (like multiple times a day) many of his behaviors trigger flashbacks and I'm feeling concerned for my own sake and for my kids'.

Anyway, that's a little about me. Thanks for reading!