Hi MaggieMayCat -thank you for writing this!
This is my first time writing here -but when reading this ..I could relate so much I had to wonder if I wrote it myself and had forgot
Thank you again ..I relate even to the detail of one day suddenly our dog was gone, given away.
I thought I had worked threw my cptsd symptoms, but then I fell in love with a emotionally, verbal and sexual abusive man and after years of that... my therapist made me aware of narcissists.
I feel stupid to not have known ... did not have the words for it.
Now I learned the names, like scapegoat, trauma bonding etc etc...
I left him, and also keep a little distance to my mother now... I am realy working to fix myself, I want the sun back, and am starting to contact the inner child.
I feel stupid it took 30 years before I went to a therapist. I understand I have been so naive also, like believing everyone has to bee good deepest inside. It really hurts to have to change the world view , but I refuse to live in a illusion .. I want truth, and I absolutely do want to end the abuse circle.
It has been scary to educate myself on narcissism, and I do not think I can ever wrap my head around it - but ok .. at least it lead to that Im relieved in a way that I am the scapegoat and not became a narc myself.
It feels like I am scared of ever falling inlove again now, I hope that it will pass with time and more healing.
If not, it is also far better to just live alone.
Take care
This is my first time writing here -but when reading this ..I could relate so much I had to wonder if I wrote it myself and had forgot
Thank you again ..I relate even to the detail of one day suddenly our dog was gone, given away.
I thought I had worked threw my cptsd symptoms, but then I fell in love with a emotionally, verbal and sexual abusive man and after years of that... my therapist made me aware of narcissists.
I feel stupid to not have known ... did not have the words for it.
Now I learned the names, like scapegoat, trauma bonding etc etc...
I left him, and also keep a little distance to my mother now... I am realy working to fix myself, I want the sun back, and am starting to contact the inner child.
I feel stupid it took 30 years before I went to a therapist. I understand I have been so naive also, like believing everyone has to bee good deepest inside. It really hurts to have to change the world view , but I refuse to live in a illusion .. I want truth, and I absolutely do want to end the abuse circle.
It has been scary to educate myself on narcissism, and I do not think I can ever wrap my head around it - but ok .. at least it lead to that Im relieved in a way that I am the scapegoat and not became a narc myself.
It feels like I am scared of ever falling inlove again now, I hope that it will pass with time and more healing.
If not, it is also far better to just live alone.
Take care