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Also just wanted to say to BoatSetSailRose, wanted to thank you more in my other post but felt like I didn't want to let my guard down.  The thing is when I read your reply I really needed some of those kind things to be said to me cause I've been too out of touch and shut down.  So when I read what you said about feeling "inherently wrong, abnormal" and not being "my job or what I have", but "that spirited human behind all this trauma"  I started crying and I'm not even sure why exactly.  But thank you for being so nice to a complete stranger it does make a difference.

Thank you so much for your responses.  I didn't get one from someone who displays their fear outwardly the way that I do, but the comments really helped.  Thanks for your encouragement and for sharing about yourselves.  I know it's hard whether you show it or not because I've been there too.  In recent years I've been unable to hide it, but I don't believe it wont get better again.

Hi,
I've been really wanting to connect with other people who have the same problems as me, so I don't feel so different.  I've searched everywhere, BPD forums, AVPD forums, Social anxiety forums, youtube videos, etc.  I don't fully identify with any of the people and their perceptions, there's always something that doesn't match up with me or fully encompass my experience.  I want (/need) to find people who will "get" certain things I say without me having to explain myself too much.  I put a post on an AVPD forum recently and didn't get that recognition from others that they understood or could immediately relate, they just didn't respond or said they needed more information.  My husband suggested I should try posting it here to see if it was just the post being worded in a confusing way, or if you guys would relate to me more than the AVPD forum, without me having to elaborate.  So here it is...

Have you ever looked around a crowd or a store and wondered where are the "low functioning" people you hear sharing their struggles online, and why does everyone you see in real life seem fine and casual if someone talks to them and no one is in fight/flight/freeze? Many of the people who talk about their anxious/paranoid behavior online say they have jobs or graduated college, so they're obviously not all hiding at home. How come I can't identify them? Any stranger can easily recognize me as trauma-response-based and paralyzed. Where are the other people like me why don't I see them?? Does anyone know what I'm talking about

Thank you for reading