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I should have posted under this category, "checking out," quite some time ago. With the divorce and 70 hour week job, life was so overwhelming, I was drowning. Then another new job and adjustment. I'm now at the place of living life and mostly managing my cPTSD. Working full time takes a lot out of me. By the time I get home, I don't have much energy left. I am meeting with friends, attending church, so all that is good.

I am not leaving "out of the storm," but my posts and time to read others' posts will be much less frequent then in the past. This place and the beautiful people here have been a life-line to me for long periods of time and in some VERY DARK places. You are precious and I am so grateful for your support and kindness.

Warm Regards,
Not Alone

 

[Armee]

Armee, it is great to hear from you. Your journal was one that I was hoping to read. Thanks for the links. The second one didn't work since I don't have access, but I requested access from Kizzie.

Bert, I appreciate your response and support. Looking for a job is a lot. I will make my next step in February. I have done a lot of inner child work. Good for you for giving time and energy to bring care to that little boy.

Thanks, San. I will take it step by step. I need to finish my current work contract, so I can't start a new job until June. Just writing that sentence makes me feel some panic!  Step by step.

Kizzie, I just sent you and email and then saw that Armee sent me this link. I don't want to put my journal in the private group, but I would like access so that I can stay in touch with my friends who journal there. Thank you.

Oh, sorry to hear about your back. I've experienced back pain and I know how debilitating and painful it can be. I hope you feel better soon.

Hi Blueberry. Mostly dropping in to say hello.

I find paperwork to be very challenging. I don't understand a lot of the financial information and I'm not sure what needs to be saved. I just shredded a bunch of papers. Hopefully nothing that I will need! 

  back to you, Armee, Blueberry, & NarcKiddo.

I'm trying to catch up a little on the forum. I'm feeling a bit lost. Can't find journals of some members with whom I usually try to stay up to date. It's a bit triggering because I already feel disconnected.

I'm going to begin the process of looking for a new job pretty soon. The thought of updating my resume, etc. is overwhelming.

I was going to write more, but I'm finding myself to be a bit frozen/triggered.

Hi Hope. Just dropping in to say hi. 

Hi Rainy. I've been away from the forum also, because of pressures from work. Thinking of you.

Hi San. I just caught up on a couple of pages in your journal. I'm sorry to hear about D1 being sick and ALL the emotions and trauma that it brings.

Nice that you have a couple of days alone with the cat. Sometimes a little space is refreshing.

Thank you so much for checking in on me. That means a great deal to me. Life continues to be difficult. I hope to write more later and hopefully to read some others' journals.

Armee, Blueberry, and Hope, thank you. I meant to respond, but haven't had the capacity. I hope to respond in the future.



I was going to write, but found my fingers frozen, like the rest of me. I doing really badly.

San, I'm sorry it's been too hard. Just surviving is a really tough place.

Thank you, Armee.


I'm so tired of life being too hard. Today is a beautiful fall day. I should be going outside for a walk. I started off with a glitch in my morning, which threw me off. I skipped church and did my grocery shopping. Then did some online window shopping. I'm depressed. I'm overwhelmed with work and the next four weeks will be even worse. It is all too much and it has been too much for a long time. I am so tired. I am discouraged. All I do is complain.

It was a short work week for me (4 days), but still exhausting. My responsibilities are overwhelming. Co-workers are very helpful, but it still feels like too much.

The other night I woke up at 2:30 with a dream about my ex-H. I wasn't able to go back to sleep. In the dream I felt deep, deep grief and abandonment.