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Messages - neveragainmat

#1
I'm new here. Going out on a limb, wanting to assure myself I'm not alone and that other people understand. I can't let anyone in but I need to. I'm terrified so I'm seeking help. I've been in therapy on and off for 20 years. No relief. Small town in a small county. Few here value mental health services.

I have three kids that are my absolute world. I will do anything to protect them. Right now, I need to get relief from c-ptsd, so I'm setting up every safety net, source of healing and support that I can, no matter how scary.

I feel like an idiotic nut who should be over the hurts of the past. I would not say that to anyone else because I don't believe it's true for anyone but me. I don't like myself much because I feel I'll always be broken. I know somewhere deep inside that isn't true and I want to be healthy, happy. My kids need me to want that for myself.