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You're welcome!

Here's a list of UK Council for Psychotherapy registered / regulated therapists, you can search by topic and EMDR is on the list too if people are seeking that specifically: https://www.psychotherapy.org.uk/find-a-therapist/

That's awesome, well done! 

I had a breakthrough in therapy recently (yay!) where I connected with a deep, scary feeling which I have now christened 'The Black Hole' (sigh)

I think it might be the same as the 'abandonment depression' that Pete Walker describes in his work.

But my therapist also recommended this book 'Understanding and treating chronic shame: A relational / neurobiological approach' by Patricia Deyoung which really resonated with me, especially some of the descriptions of chronic shame as a feeling of "sickness in the soul" and the idea that it is borne out of "misattunement" with a caregiver.

Here's a review with more info in case it might be helpful for anyone else: https://iahip.org/inside-out/issue-83-autumn-2017/book-review-understanding-and-treating-chronic-shame-a-relational-neurobiological-approach

Has anyone else seen Russian Doll? What did you think?

I watched it a few months ago and found myself relating to the themes/metaphors so strongly it prompted a crisis (that I would now identify as "unintegration" in Gretchen Schmelzer's 5 stages) which led to me realising I had CPTSD.

Nadia's denial of her feelings, her mother's mental health problems, the way she uses humour and prizes her independence (really avoidance), literally being haunted by her inner child... this all spoke to me so deeply. And Alan's perfectionism and attempts to control everything, his shame in seeking help were familiar too.

*TW death, violence, suicide, substance abuse*

The series is really funny, compassionate, and ultimately very life affirming but it is quite violent. The central metaphor is that the character gets stuck in a Groundhog Day time loop which ends when she dies. There's only one slightly gory scene, but it's still hard to watch. There is also a character who is suicidal and that is a big theme of the show. And there is some excessive drinking and drug taking.

After I watched it I just couldn't get the show out of my head for days. I read this article about the show written by someone with CPTSD and things started clicking into place! I realised this is what I was dealing with and my therapist confirmed it.

(Same TW as above and also spoilers!)

Russian Doll and The Seemingly Never-ending Cycle of Trauma by Courtney Enlow, Syfy https://www.syfy.com/syfywire/russian-doll-and-the-seemingly-neverending-cycle-of-trauma

Sorry if this has already been shared but I've been listening to Therapy Chat podcast and finding it interesting and helpful as the host specialises in childhood trauma.

https://www.bahealing.com/podcast

It's from a therapist's point of view but still useful and accessible for people affected by CPTSD I think (it is for me anyway). I especially like that it talks about how art and nature can be part of healing, both things I've been turning to. Plus she has a very soothing voice! 

I'm not sure how many other people here are UK or London based but I found this group on Meetup and couldn't see it mentioned anywhere here already, so thought I'd share in case: https://www.meetup.com/bpdcptsd/

They meet in central London once a month. I haven't been along yet but hope to go to one soon.

Thank you so much woodsgnome, Blueberry, bluepalm. I feel very welcome and look forward to joining in all the great conversations here And I'm pleased you like Tenderheart Bear! *care bear stare*

Hi everyone,

I was so pleased to find this forum a couple of weeks ago. It feels so incredible to read your posts and know I'm not alone! Thank you for being such an open and generous community, you've already helped me so much.

I'm in my mid 30s, and live in London, UK. I've been struggling for years with depression, anxiety, numbness, obsessive compulsive behaviours and stress and have had four mental breakdowns from age 11 to last year. This is my third time in therapy and I have recently been diagnosed with cptsd. I experienced emotional neglect and emotional abuse from my parents in childhood and throughout my teens (and now when they get the chance). I didn't have anyone to talk to for years and was badly bullied at school as well.

My parents are still in my life, I have a cordial but distant relationship with one and I am a carer for the other, who is the one who is emotionally abusive. I'm lucky to also have a supportive  partner and some great friends I am gradually starting to open up to. And an awesome therapist.

I relate to all the four Fs but especially Flight and Freeze, which for me most often take the form of work addiction and dissociation through intense daydreaming, to the point where I have fully broken with reality in the very worst times and experienced hallucinations and delusions. Only a couple of times though thankfully.

I'm having an intense time at the moment starting to recover memories (bad ones but also good ones which got locked away in the vault by association), reconnecting to my body and my feelings, maintaining and renegotiating boundaries, learning about everything and trying to keep up self care and get through the day.

I'm tired but excited about the future, which is pretty new. Reading your stories has given me a lot of hope and inspiration to keep going! 

PS I've been doing some drawing and painting to express some of the stuff inside and I'm finding it so soothing and helpful. I had some brown paint left over the other day so I drew a little Tenderheart Bear who seemed like a good choice for an avatar because I am v tender hearted at the moment, mostly in a good way I think even though it hurts.

Hello! I've been listening to Therapy Chat with Laura Reagan which talks about repeated trauma all the time: https://www.bahealing.com/podcast