Messages

 

Snowdrop, how brave for you to share with your friend. To hear about his response was really heartening for me. I remember sharing some hard things with a friend and them being so compassionate, even crying with me, for me really, as i wasn't able to at the time. But truly just loving me in it. When others feel outrage for the injury that happened to us, and share their love for us, it really speaks to our value as human beings, worthy of compassion, care and a right to live without harm.
I totally get the EF too. Guilt and fear, for me usually in the face of being seen. I appreciate how you were able to check in and comfort that part. Really amazing work.

Apart from that, all parts have been fine. The image of the baby part in a cradle, glowing with golden light and being watched over by an angel, has been very strong. I can feel it inside me most of the time, and it feels deeply healing.

This is so beautiful! I've been thinking deeply about connection. About how trauma separates us from other people, separates us from ourselves, separates us from spirit--whatever that looks like for us, separates us into shattered pieces.  This is such a beautiful image of connection, of knowing. Thank you for sharing. 

Sanmagic, I just want to say, I think writing 15 minutes a day is really something to be proud of. You are showing up in a beautiful way consistently (even if it isn't every day) to bring energy forward, working towards something that is important to you. 

Also, kid's books rock!  I have shelves full and Princess Bride is my fave. Though, honestly its hard to pick a fave.

Today is a good day to be gentle with ourselves to practice love and patience.   

That is super exciting Blueberry.    On all fronts!   

I'm so glad the session went well NotAlone.  I was thinking while reading your post that part of the skill-set we learn in therapy is how to do therapy. That is a very simple way of putting it, but it's that learning, knowing what works for us and what doesn't, what we need, learning how to talk to someone else and be vulnerable and so much more.  It's another piece you get to take with you.

Thinking of you and wishing you peace and comfort 

  Blueberry. So glad you are safe and sound. And thank you for sharing your story. I'm so sorry for all you went through with your FOO. You are a lovely being, a wise, brave and strong you!

NotAlone. I'm thinking of you, sending love and a supportive     It sounds like you had a good meeting. I'm so glad you are doing ok.

Thanks so much NotAlone. Great article!

Boats...     Thank you for sharing your story. So much, respect, love and gratitude for you and what a powerful, amazing being you are.

Blueberry.  I was really struck when reading your post at how wise you've become with discerning your needs and claiming your right to take care of you! I love that.   

I also was thinking that it sounded like your "gut" or inner instinct, inner guidance system, was speaking to you, letting you know what you needed to do to take care of you and even though you had the conversation with self and perhaps a bit of the iCr getting involved as well, you listened to the healthy self-care part. I've been thinking lately about that inner knowing, the "listening to our hearts" and how it always seems to know, but how hard it has been to learn to even hear, much less listen to, or trust that guiding force. The non Icr inner voice.

Anyway.  a big hardy good job and thanks so much for sharing. 

Sasha, I understand and can really relate to your feelings, so beautifully expressed. You are not alone. I hope you can rest a bit, the trigger passes and there is some reprieve. It's hard to feel like we need to or want to care for others who are trying to care for us, when for me, I could barely tell what I needed at all in those moments. Everything shuts down and it's not our fault. It's the way we learned to cope, to get through.

I missed your earlier post as well and want to say, It takes great strength to  choose your well-being, in stepping away from an abusive relationship, over the pain of losing loved ones. Perhaps if your B can find some help with this other family, there will be room for repair for all of you down the road.

Agreed San and Snowdrop.  That kind of history writing, whether it's related to good memories or hard memories seems to really shake things up, like an un-earthing of pieces of past. It is hard work!

I like the idea of writing down the triggers as a way to put them somewhere so you don't feel like you have to hold them until your T comes back.  Thanks for sharing San.

Keep on taking care of you. I love that you are listening to your inner being and saying, ok. A few days on the porch are needed. And you are so worth taking this all at the pace that feels safe and hopefully manageable. I know it's been so hard.

Snowdrop, the work you are doing is so amazing, your journeys with your parts and the resolution and healing, the unburdening you are able to experience is so beautiful! And, so inspiring.

Also, wanted to say a big Yay! for being able to speak for your Self in your work situation. I'm so glad to hear you were met with compassion.  I think this is a fairly common thing that happens, yet for so many of us we are so prepared, expecting from years of training perhaps, the absolute worse. 
i believe each time we have an experience like this, a positive experience related to caring for ourselves, it really contributes to literally rewiring those pathways. When we just know in our being that we are worthy of feeling safe and honored in that.  When our bodies no longer hold that sense of panic, for me related to being seen.  I look forward to that being the anticipated experience.

Thank you so much for sharing your amazing journey. You are so strong, walking with compassion for the parts of you and it seems, finding peace and healing in that.

Snowdrop, Wow. You are amazing. I have been working on clearing too, literally cleaning my garage--boxes unopened for years. It is exhausting as there is a lot of unseen baggage that needs unpacking loaded into each box as well. I love how aptly you stated "I've noticed that clearing stuff out mirrors the unburdening process..." It really does.

I am so inspired by the way you are able to check in and listen to the parts of you, identify feelings and love and support them all so compassionately--doing the physical work and the emotional work hand in hand.

Thank you for sharing your journey.  Big 

Arale, thanks for posting this.  I sat with the word "damaged" for a moment after reading this, feeling into it. That is how I've felt my entire life. I suppose to varying degrees, some degrees more functional than others for sure, but always damaged, broken, no good, useless, thrown out. Often, I felt like there was no hope for repair, too broken, too damaged.

I never felt angry about that, just more worthless. I think that would be a healthy shift for me, to feel angry that something so precious was taken from me--my future me, brave and strong, confident and whole. I think you're on it though, as you posted you understand the why now--that you were injured and things that seem easy for others are extremely difficult for those of us who were injured. Makes so much sense to feel "damaged."

I appreciate what 3R and Blueberry have added, it gives me hope. I can say too, that the more I understand that I was injured, the more I understand that I am a human being, worthy of love and care (and that has taken time and is still very much in process), I feel less broken, that repair in some ways, perhaps in may ways is possible and is beginning to happen. I didn't believe it was possible before.