Messages

Hello ellachimera
                          I'm in the same boat, I just found out I had C-PTSD last year. Now I'm working on trying to avoid triggers so I'm not spiraling out of control. My Mom has NPD so at this point any dealings I have with her have been triggering me. Then my inner critic starts by making me feel guilty for wanting nothing to do with her.

                          I was also misdiagnosed in my 20's as bipolar & depressed, when I was neither. I spent most of my life not really knowing what was wrong, but feeling empty & unloved.

                          I'm also new to OOTS, but find that reading others posts have helped me so much. I see so much courage on here. I hope it helps you too. You belong here with us 💜

I tried writing a journal to figure out when I started to feel the emotional abuse from my NPD Mom. I would get a few sentences down  then would have a flashback and start crying uncontrollably. I just recently got diagnosed with C-PTSD, so it's still pretty new to me.

I guess it depends on if it will trigger you or not, and how it effects you if you're triggered. For me it takes days to bounce back. You could try and just stop if it seems to overwhelming.

I did find that when I started to write the abuse down I remembered stuff that I had suppressed for decades, maybe that was part of why it was just too much for me.

I find myself constantly studying people to try and see if they are trying to use me in one way or another, not sure if that makes sense. My Mom has NPD, and I think it turned me into an empath, which is tough. I can't be around any negative energy or I get really drained.

I've never really had anyone there for me, even my husband is very quiet and struggles with communication, he has his own issues. Maybe my self critic has something to do with that.

I'd love to have a friend to lean on, but at this point I've kind of given up instead of feeling like I'm unlovable.....again my inner critic.

I also have LC with my NPD Mom. I'm contemplating going NC, since every time we do have an interaction she just sucks the air out of the room. I just can't stand being around someone who is so self absorbed.

Do you find yourself getting triggered after speaking with her?

Hi Ecowarrior888,

You are definitely understood here, and not alone. I feel like having C-PTSD can make us feel so isolated. I don't know anyone IRL that has it, besides myself.

Thank you for sharing 💜

Hi Sam
            I was misdiagnosed as having BPD in my 20's, I'm now 44. I spent years trying different therapists, I knew I wasn't depressed but there was something going on. I thought it was a godsend when I was first diagnosed as bipolar. I was on quite a few medications, nothing ever worked. I was really close to having a nervous breakdown, so I checked myself into a local hospital, then realized I didn't belong there either.

            This was all around the time I met my husband. I think moving in together helped me. I ended up stopping my medication. It wasn't until my stepdad's death that I learned about C-PTSD. My mother just became ruthless. I was actually in counseling for my marriage and we uncovered some issues between my Mom and I. I immediately began therapy for my issues with my Mom.

            I was able to realize that the long term emotional abuse from my narcissistic mother has been my problem, I developed C-PTSD. I'm very lucky to have found a therapist that helped me uncover all of this.

             I do think that a lot of the symptoms can be the same, and since C-PTSD isn't really a mainstream diagnosis it's easily overlooked.

              I'm so happy that you found this website in your 20's, I wish I had.

Hi Regret,
                You wrote "the life I was living at that time was not my own", that is exactly how I feel when looking back on most of my life. I feel like I'm trying to figure out who I am before my coping mechanisms kicked in.
               Thank you for sharing, and please know that you are not alone. 💜
   

Otillie,
           Thank you for opening up and sharing with us. I do feel that it helps in the healing process, which always feels never ending. I noticed that your avatar is a cat, do you find a deep connection with animals? I only ask because we have 4 rescue dogs, and I find that they help ground me, and the unconditional love is just the best 💜

            You mentioned that you thought your Mom was a N, I'm assuming you mean Narcissist? If so, I know how that feels. I've felt empty and unloved most of my life. I think not having an emotional bond with parents is just so difficult to get over. Everyone around us has all these positive interactions with parents and it just makes me feel even more alone.

           I guess part of being human is just trying to find where you fit into the puzzle of life. We all deserve to be understood and validated. We are ALL special, even if our parents don't think so.

I had some intense therapy about a year ago. I felt my life was just spiraling and really couldn't figure out why. I'm not depressed, and had been misdiagnosed as bipolar back in my twenties, I'm now 44.
I guess I just really wanted to know why I was different from everyone I know.

I was able to peel back the layers of my life to realize that I'm not the "problem". I've lived my whole life trying to please my Narcissistic mother. While that may sound harmless, it's made me very unhappy and now I'm dealing with Complex ptsd.

I'm very fortunate to have found a therapist who has been able to help me reach this conclusion. It's just awful to feel unloved and invisible by a parent. I'm going to start seeing my therapist again.

I'm tired of being on the hamster wheel of "why" this has happened to me. I seriously want to heal and just find happiness in my life.

I need some advice from those who have gone NC. Every time I have some little interaction with her it just sends me spiraling down. It's definitely a trigger and I get sucked into a black hole of thinking of all the emotional abuse.

I am an only child, so I tend to give myself guilt about the whole NC thing.

Hi Oscen

I know this thread is alittle older, but I am a new member and just discovered it. I was just diagnosed with Cptsd last year stemming from lifelong emotional abuse from my NPD Mother. I'm 44 and most people I share with look at me like I'm crazy, so I only share with a few close friends and my hubby now.

I see emotional abuse as a silent killer. I feel like I'm bleeding out from a million little paper cuts. I'm not sure if that makes sense? I was misdiagnosed as depression & bipolar earlier in my lifetime, I just keep reliving flashbacks and when my Mom was still in my life I came close to an actual nervous breakdown twice.

I was lucky to find a counselor last year that really helped me get to the root of all my pain. I've felt invisible my whole life. Anyone, even a parent can say they love you, but if you constantly keep getting ignored or invalidated you don't feel it.

I'm also dealing with an emotionally abuse NPD Mother. I have to say that trying to tell them how they've hurt you will completely blow up in your face. They will deny it and for me I just felt even more invisible.

I agree with others advice, keep it between you and your Mom. I'm currently working on going NC, but I live close to my mother and after years (I'm 44) of brainwashing me about how close we are, it's been a struggle.

I think it's great that you live so far away. I've been playing the "busy" card a lot when I avoid her. I'm not sure we even really have to tell them we're going NC. I almost feel like we're wired to please everyone and put ourselves last, which is tough to break.

I wish you the best 💜