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Messages - GoodbyeKitty

#1
Hi, I am new to this forum. I found a therapeutic technique that has been helping me a lot.  I have CPTSD.  I spent my entire life going in and out of therapy, exploring spiritual avenues, etc. etc.  Nothing has hit the mark as well as Associative Awareness Technique (it is a physical therapy modality because it involves touch).  I am off all sleep meds, and quit them cold turkey because I began to actually feel tired at night.  I have also weaned myself from the psychotropic drugs because they were only clouding things over.  Each drug I tried plateaued within weeks, and the side effects sucked, especially since I had to go into higher and higher dosages.

My battle is not over, but maybe there is hope.  I am feeling the changes in my body as areas of chronic pain are clearing up.  I have to hold on to this information because I still go down the "I don't want to live anymore" sewer.  Now that my nervous system is more regulated I am trying to find a way to gather self esteem so the low self esteem triggers don't slay me so hard.  CPTSD is the gift that keeps giving.  It has been such a difficult battle because the relationships I established over my lifetime modeled the prey/predator relationship I had with my mother - no matter how much I tried to avoid this!

It seems to me that modalities that are based upon the freeze response (see Peter A. Levine's book "Waking The Tiger" http://www.amazon.com/Waking-Tiger-Peter-A-Levine/dp/155643233X) are perhaps our best hope, because they address the actual physical damage that has been done to our nervous system.  "Mental Illness" should be classified as physical injury to the nervous system.  Unfortunately psychiatrists and big pharm will do everything they can to stop this from happening because those drugs do not address the core issue - they only tighten the lid on what is brewing underneath.  God forbid their holy profession be exposed for the sham that it is.  I am sorry if I offended anyone for whom the drugs work.  They just don't work for me.  My mother is 90 years old and has been on meds since they came out.  She is still having horrible nightmares from her childhood.  The only thing that helped her was AAT but now she's in a nursing home and she can't get it.  They are going to send their PT's for training though - who knows.