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Welcome to the forum!!!

Welcome sarals!!!

This is a place of understanding and healing. People here actually understand what you're going through and that fact alone can make things better.

I'm glad that you found OOTS.

  Congrats kizzie!!!

Thanks everyone for the positive words and support!

That is generally the problem, if you ask me... if you don't like the T, you won't get as much out of therapy. I was really fearful that we wouldn't mesh like me and my former T, but I got lucky. The fact that my old T referred me may have helped. They are approximately the same age and their demeanor seems very similar.

Yes, Blueberry, I meant EMDR, I am just unfamiliar with the therapy. (I will be acquainted with it soon.)

Perplex - Yes, it was a very good experience for me, but don't get me wrong. It was difficult and at times i didn't know if I'd get through. I kept doing the work, though, no matter what. My former T said that i am one of the most resilient people that she has ever known.

Kizzie - You can count on an update.

My Therapist and I have been working together for almost 10 years and have made huge progress for me and my personal life. we recently reached a point where the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy reached it's effective end and for the ongoing C-PTSD work, she recommended that i see a Trauma therapist.

This morning was my first appointment and I have to say that I may have gotten lucky and found a good match on the first try, although this was a referral from my CBT therapist who knew me very well. It's frustrating to make an appointment... wait... meet them and not feel comfortable, or just not seem to mesh, but it appears that I may have struck water on the first drill, so to speak, and for that I am eternally grateful.

We met for the typical 50 minute session and covered just a bit of my story and what we are trying to accomplish. I mentioned this forum to her and she said that she has another client that has mentioned it as well. I told her that i thought that this was an incredible place and to date the only place that i have EVER found that understands what I am dealing with. Kudos, Kizzie!!!

She said that she believes that it will take about the first 4 sessions to get to know me and create realistic goals for therapy.

I recently read that the Admin here was successful with EMRT and it's a big part of what this trauma therapist does, although she combines it with other therapies. I was really apprehensive that today wouldn't go well, and I am happily surprised that we seem to be a match and that she seems to be confident that she can help.

There may be hope for me yet...

imprinting is the act of bonding that takes place at life's earliest stages. The dictionary definition is the recognition of a parent or some other object of habitual trust

Welcome. I hope that you find peace in your life. I am really glad that you found this forum. You will find acceptance and support here. This is a good place to express yourself because other people here actually get it. I have never found anyplace like it..

[IS]

Things that have made me feel (even slightly) better:

It's okay. or  It's going to be okay.
It's not your fault.
That IS messed up.
You didn't deserve this.
I love you
you deserve to be loved too
I've got this for you
I've got your back

That's sound advice! Thank you!

I believe that many of us share common experiences as our particular brand of "damage" comes from a specific set of circumstances. Thanks for the kind words. I also married a woman who had a very strong sense of family and a strong sense of home. In my 33 years of marriage I have learned the ways of family and mourn for the loss of mine.

I finally have a desktop computer again. Now I think I can become a contributing member to this forum.

I already appreciate all of the support I have been given here. You guys are awesome!

Hi everybody.

Today marks 30 years since my Father died.

He was my primary abuser and is responsible for much of what I suffer with today.

When your primary abuser is a parent, it alters your entire sense of reality. All of the typical answers don't apply because the people that should give you strength and support are the people who abuse you. There is no place for you to find unconditional love, and there is no place to learn how to love and how to accept love from others.

I know I'm kind of rambling, but it feels right.

Normally, I don't give this day too much thought, but lately my Therapist and I have been working on my issues with him that still haunt me. This made today more present in my mind and therefore, more unavoidable.

I am sad. I am angry. I am confused. I am lonely, and I hurt.

I just wanted to get it out somewhere as I don't feel comfortable sharing things this deep with anyone, except maybe my wife.

Welcome! I'm glad you found this forum. It is in my mind a unique place as I have never found any place where they actually understood cPTSD before I found this forum.

Please be sure to share your feelings here as people really get it and will respond in an understanding and compassionate way.

I have been slowly opening up here, trying to document some of my journey as I heal. If nothing else, it makes a great journal.

I hope that you find inner peace with who you are and what you have experienced.

Hugs

***PRE-EMPTIVE APOLOGIES FOR A LONG POST***

Yesterday I returned to youth coaching. Bowling, for the record, as I bowled in college and still love to bowl competitively.

Yesterday was the best day that I have had in several years.

Originally, I was coaching when I worked at my old job. When they laid us off, I had to take 2 jobs to replace the income and I had to work on Saturday mornings.

When I took my current job, the part time money helped, and so I kept the part time Saturday job.

The owner of that store suddenly decided to close in March of  this year. I was given only 2 days notice, but I had been promoted recently at work and so I seriously was starting to question the value of working 6 days per week.

Yesterday felt like such a success! The kids (age 7-12) are just at the age where you can teach them solid fundamentals and really have an impact on their game for years to come. It is also an age where bowling should be play and it should be fun, so coach Mike has only 2 rules: Rule #1: Bowling is fun. Rule #2: If bowling isn’t fun, do something fun instead.

Meeting the kids for the first time is fun, I try to take a very positive and cheerleading attitude when I am coaching them and sprinkle in a little bit about swing mechanics, balance, lane conditions, targeting, and of course, lane courtesy.

The parents are always funny, especially the first week. They’ve got to let you know about their child’s needs, strengths and weaknesses. I have one Dad that is a little overbearing with his son in his coaching. Fortunately, we have a policy of no parents in the settee area, so the boy just stays up by the lane and I can coach him independently of his Dad. He already commented that bowling was more fun yesterday.

By the end of the session, the kids were smiling and happy, I had made some new friends, and earned the trust and respect of more than a few parents.

This is a huge thing for me. I haven’t felt this type of satisfaction in a very long time. When I broke down a few months ago, I hoped that a day like this would still be possible.  I believe that this was a huge step for me, and I wanted to share.

I hope that it encourages others to keep working at getting healthy.

I’m sorry for rambling but I felt like I should explain why I coach and why it means so much to me.

I don't think that we blame ourselves as much as it is the fact that we were conditioned to accept responsibility, oftentimes even when it is not our fault st all.

Hi Andy.

Of course it's ok. You did not choose to be abused. Abuse chose you. I know very well how societal stigma can seem invincible, but it's not.

Someone commented earlier that OOTD seems gender neutral and I believe that it is. I have felt welcomed here and validated.

This is a great place to share. I even started s journal here. My therapist has wanted me to journal for a long time. I've never felt safe doing it at home. Somehow this is anonymous enough to make me comfortable.