Messages

 

Thank you 3R 

Hi guys,

I've just had a really nasty message from someone I used to spend a lot of time with - a message through a mutual acquaintance in fact. We all have cptsd.

While I don't particularly feel like I've lost a friend (the friendship deteriorated over the last few months before we stopped speaking anyway), I feel battered by her negativity and personal attacks.

At first, I just felt a bit numb. Then I felt angry. Then pretty sad. And now just numb about it all again. I've blocked her and said mutual acquaintance, so it's unlikely to happen again.

Just reaching out for a bit of moral support or something.

I really enjoyed that RR, thanks for sharing!

Hi RR.

Just wanted to say I've read your post and it's very relatable. I guess our models for anger weren't healthy ones at all.

I was told that actually the root emotion of depression is anger, by a therapist last year. Im starting therapy again soon and intend to bring this up.

I usually take my anger out on myself. In the times I've tried hard not to do this, I've lashed out at others something terrible.

Just wanted you to know, you're not alone. Apologies for not having any better advice.

Dear slipping,

I'm very sorry to hear that these ex friends psychologically abused you. I can only hope that the damage they did will not linger, that you will be able to move on very quickly, be able to trust others (and learn that there are true friends out there who are not vindictive psychopaths), to not play into their narrative of feeling ashamed.

I don't know your situation but your post certainly triggered me as it sounds all too familiar. So please forgive me if my reaction seems a little strong. We are emotional beings, and it's not your fault (rather more likely a symptom of your PTSD, possibly from dealing with people who retraumatise you, especially if they are narcissistic enough to have studied your grief and previous trauma) if you had a strong, emotional reaction.

I hope that, if you need it, you can find the right medication, the right supportive social network and the right therapist to get you through this tough time.

Don't let the * get you down. You're worth millions more than them 

I guess DBT would help here?

My inner critic comes out sometimes and she frightens me. I like the idea of making peace with her rather than being cross with myself every time.

Thank you so much for sharing BH. I'll book mark this page and might not in down in my diary.

Recently I've been focusing on a theme "I am nobody's responsibility but my own". This is a really helpful theme for me as I grew up with virtually no sense of independence or individuality. Your post was really helpful

Thank you for sharing woodsgnome, that was beautiful.

I'm happy to see the porch is still in action. I'm brewing some apple and maple tea this morning, and wish I could extend the offer to you all.

Hey Tee, I dont have any real words of wisdom but wanted to wish you all the best for the interview. I've found the best way to conduct myself during an interview is be smart and confident. I found that visualising I already had been given the job helped with that. Good luck!

Hi Oz,

I hope you feel welcome here. You aren't alone in these difficulties and I hope that joining the forum will help you continue to grow and reach out to others.

  thank you Tee and 3R

I had a friend who I had a really complicated relationship with from a young age. We met up a bit last year and I struggled a lot to maintain any sense of autonomy - she would suggest things, I would do them, I found her manipulative and emotionally controlling.

I kept going with the friendship, trying really hard to overlook the things I picked up as negatives. I kept overlooking and forgiving her because to be honest, that's my nature.

But things got way out of hand. I tried to get distance between us but it just wasn't working, until I had to tell her I was at breaking point.

Now I know she would have perceived things differently from me. I know she has her own struggles to deal with and yes, she also went through a lot growing up.

My problem is that I think of her almost every day and regret the way things went. When we were still in contact I struggled because I regretted the way things were and just wanted them to be different. But nothing would change because I couldnt really explain how I felt she was taking advantage of me when I was really ill, confused and depressed.

Did I do the right thing? It's constantly playing on my mind. I hate that I have cut her off because that was something she was afraid of. Very complex situation...

Well I've had a really good day and start to my long weekend. I managed to get to a yoga meditation session in the city and meet some new people. I managed 16,000 steps which is amazing for me, as someone who periodically sufferes with agoraphobia. Just sitting in the cafe after group, chatting, felt a bit surreal. Maybe I dissociated a little but I think it helped.

I did feel guilty that I was late to pick up my daughter. I struggle sometimes to find a family/friend balance. The kiddo didn't seem to mind though.

Meditating regularly has really helped with these negative thoughts, just to observe them and then deal logucally and appropriately.

Had a nice time with friends this evening too, although maybe wasn't my usual self. Perhaps just a little bit tired.

Someone mentioned recovery doesn't have to be perfect and that felt like a relief of a realisation. Negative self talk is under control (although my spending, after shopping today... :/)

Woke up to thunder and lightning which sounds pretty

Hi Blueberry, I really like the idea behind your journal. I might make mine an action focussed journal too.

Well done for getting that email sent.