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Messages - SadieMist

#1
Family / Re: 1 800 Hoovering ?
August 09, 2015, 06:06:33 AM
Thank you so much everyone for your responses.  I never thought about calling the company to block deliveries.  Will definitely give that I try.  If that doesn't work, I'll just try giving them away, unless the fancy strikes me to let flowers have the brunt of my anger.  I haven't tried that yet. It might be quite cathartic.  I smashed 100 mason jars once, throwing each one in anger about what has happened to me.  It was one of the most therapeutic things ice done. 

I have walked this road alone for so long. Therapy only goes so far.  Most of my friends just tell me how sorry I will be that I went NC when my parents die.  They don't understand I think my biggest emotion will be relief.  I never knew a community like this existed.  I have learned so much from this community and am so very thankful for it. 
#2
Family / Re: 1 800 Hoovering ?
August 07, 2015, 06:08:12 AM
Excellent idea.
#3
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Hi
August 07, 2015, 06:06:45 AM
I am so glad I found this website too Ingochild. 
#4
Therapy / Re: Searchable Databases for Therapists
August 06, 2015, 06:00:12 AM
This isn't specific to CPTSD but it might help someone narrow the search to clinicians that specialize in trauma work as all EMDR therapists have at least some training in trauma.

https://www.emdr.com/find-a-clinician/
#5
Family / 1 800 Hoovering ?
August 06, 2015, 05:43:44 AM
About 3 years ago my mother hung up on me when I drew a boundary she didn't like. 6 months later, she sent me flowers for Christmas.  She continues to send me flowers every Christmas, using 1800 Flowers.  This year, she sent me flowers for my birthday too on addition to trying to give me a phone call (which is new).  I've grown to hate receiving flowers.  Often truffles accompany them.  The sight of truffles now make me nauseated.  Just the sight of that 1 800 Flowers box sends me into a depressed tearful state for at least a week (progress because it used to be a solid month).  I have gone NC because I just can't take the verbal abuse, threats of abandonment, and actual abandonment anymore.  I wish I could just not accept the delivery but nobody is there to say "no thanks" when the box is delivered.  I am putting this post here, in complex PTSD, because just the thought of subjecting myself to ANY interaction with my parents is terrifying to me.  My therapist suggested that I could write a letter, drawing boundaries, he would help...blah blah blah.  I have NO idea what he said after that because all I could do at even the thought of contacting them was feel overwhelmed and terrified. 

??? I feel just ridiculous to be so tortured by a floral delivery.  I feel trapped because I'm too frightened to contact them to stop the Hoovering.  Does anyone have any thoughts/ advice?
#6
Hi NyxBean,

I am in in the United States, in Texas, so I really don't know much about the services that are available in Scotland.  That said, I do have some thoughts to share based upon my own experience.  I have found CBT as well as DBT and EMDR helpful in addressing my complex PTSD.  It seems to me, however, that person is different so every road to recovery is different too.  What works for some doesn't work for others.  The important thing is to get started, which you are obviously are doing.

Re: question #2.  I am a speech therapist by profession.  I essentially think about different treatment techniques that I have learned as "tools" that I can use to help my patients achieve their goals.  My guess is that a psychologist should be happy to inform you about what treatment techniques he/ she has to help you achieve your goals.  Here in TX, I see a therapist that is well versed in all the treatment techniques I just mentioned. 

Re:The whole memory thing, I can only speak to my personal experience.  I have an entire year missing from my life.  I have tried to remember but I haven't been able to.  I really sure that I want to gain memory of that year.  I have chosen not to worry about it because I can't control how much I remember. 

I wish I knew how to answer you questions about Aspergers but, like I said, I don't know enough about Scottlands healthcare system to understand the whole evaluation process. 

Hope this is  helpful to you.
#7
General Discussion / Re: Just had the worst therapy
August 06, 2015, 04:33:38 AM
Wow.  So sorry to hear about your bad experience.  Very unprofessional. That sounds horrible.  I certainly wouldn't go back. 
#8
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Hi
August 05, 2015, 05:22:59 AM
I have a diagnosis of PTSD/ complex PTSD.  I have been in therapy for a few years as a result of being raised by parents that prob have personality disorders (my therapist and I are in agreement they prob do) and from being sexually abused by a relative that moved in with our family when I was in high school.  I do not remember an entire year or more of my high school years.  I am now 40 something but I have just started to deal with my junk a few years ago.  I have gone NC with my parents but they have started hoovering, prob triggered by my sisters impending wedding.  Their hoovering has been very triggering for me so I went looking for help/ information/ support and found this support forum.  I literally chased my husband out of bed a few nights ago in my sleep by holding onto him so tightly that it was painful.  I am thankful that I have found this forum and have learned much from it and from Out of the Fog. 
#9
Frustrated? Set Backs? / Re: Do we have to forgive?
August 05, 2015, 04:30:26 AM
A few thoughts re forgiveness:
--(Ditto that) forgiveness does NOT equal reconciliation. 
--Forgiveness does not mean that you are "okay with what happened" (I'm sure not okay with what happened to me) or that you shouldn't be angry.  Angry and "mad as *" are probably appropriate emotional responses. 
--Forgiveness IS relinquishing the desire/ right to collect upon a debt that someone owes you, which is impossible to collect anyway when the debt is emotional.  By relinquishing that debt, you are then able to focus on you and your healing, instead of on how much you would like to hurt the other person. For those of us who choose to follow Christ, we give that debt to Christ to collect. For those that believe in karma, karma collects the debt. 

As far as the whole "honor your mother and father" thing...Christ said "Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?" Pointing to his disciples, he said, "Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother." Matthew 12: 48-50.  Also, for many of us here, the most honoring thing that we can do for our biological parents is to draw boundaries not put up with their evil crap.
#10
Frustrated? Set Backs? / Re: Bad therapy?
August 05, 2015, 04:02:13 AM
I see that this post was in June so I hope that you found a therapist that is right for you.

Re: the whole EMDR thing.  It is a tool, kinda like a scalpel, that is only as good as the person using it.  RE: my own experience with EMDR... I've done EMDR 4X and found 3/4 sessions to be incredibly helpful.  I found staying grounded essentially impossible during my first EMDR session.  I found the website below, shared it with my current therapist and we headed to the barn for equine assisted EMDR.  It was night and day difference in the results.  Something about the equine environment helped to keep me grounded.   I was able to do all other sessions in office.  Also helpful to me was doing longer two-hour sessions.  It was impossible to complete/ get to where I needed to be in a regular 45min-1hour session.  Your supposed to feel relief/ lighter after EMDR, not more triggered.

http://www.dragonflyinternationaltherapy.com/equineassist.html

I know that equine-assisted EMDR is not for everyone but hope that it is helpful to someone.