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Thank you everyone for posting your own struggles with the inner critic.  It's been a constant nagging companion of mine for more than 60 years.  Both parents were narcissistic, emotionally immature people who lived in a constant struggle for power with each other.  Neither had any interest in parenting, so I took on the job of trying to be perfect to get any approval.  Of course, the approval didn't come but the drive of perfectionism stayed>  After years of therapy and meditation, the IC is much less actively abusive but the feeling of never being enough is always somewhere nearby.  I have a volunteer job I love, working with animals, but the IC always lets me know I'm not doing enough and not heroic enough no matter how hard I work or how tired I get.  Then when I stop 'doing' the critic fires up and even at a low level the SI often starts in with messages like I'll never be enough and don't really matter in the world, etc.   My own dogs have literally saved me from going all the way down the hole many many times.   I wish I has a stronger human support system, but I have always had social anxiety and that has made bonding tough.  Thank you for the time and space to vent.

Its worth noting, bluepalm, that the neglect we're talking about from decades ago would land mom in jail today, as it should.  I know I have minimized to myself the extent of the neglect and abuse and that just doesn't work.  My family appeared to be a healthy, all american middle class nuclear family with enough food, clothing and shelter provided.  My parents considered that to be all that was necessary for parenting.  Of course, the real damage being done wasn't visible to outsiders and that's part of what made it so insidious.

Thank you both for the    it feels great!
I was diagnosed with major depression 25 years ago and have had several good therapists, two of whom suggested there may be PTSD.  Like many, I partially dismissed that as improbable because 'no single horrific event or wartime episodes occurred so how could it be PTSD.'   Then suddenly last April the veil tore and it has been flooding out ever since.  I had done an admirable job of suppressing!  I feel lousy now, and look longingly at the TV adds where people my age are depicted riding Harleys along the coast or traveling the world or hugging grandkids and I just feel like crap.  Dealing with SI is a daily event.  I feel panic when this feels like the 'new normal'.  I am so grateful to my dogs and a few  kind people, plus a good therapist, for staying with me while I wade through the #$*&!   

This is an old thread and I apologize for the late contribution.  Its for myself mostly.
I was not wanted by my father, and apparently there was much conflict and stress while i was in utero because I was a surprize sprung on my father.   My mother told me he refused to ackowledge me, touch me or pick me up when I was a baby.  She also told me she was suicidal (and obviously depressed) when i was in my first year and was threatening divorce.  My father was institutionalized for a breakdown around that time. 
Mom also left my sister and I alone for hours when she left the house to drive who knew where.  Often when my father got home from work he had to change my diapers, and I can only imagine the resentment he felt (and transmitted to me) while he did this.  At least once the police were called when my sister was wandering the yard naked, in the snow, when she was 3 (and I would have been just a few months old).   I remember being locked in my room in my crib for the afternoon nap that lasted for hours and no matter how much I cried out mom didn't come.  Was she even in the house?  I'll never know.  I also never spoke until I was 3 years old.
Both parents were completely self absorbed and neglecting.  My sister got some attention from my father but me, none except anger and slapping.  I was never considered interesting enough to bother with by my father, and only if I was cute or sad enough to entertain her  was my mother good for more than a few moments attention.
I have never had a deep sense of safety anywhere or with anyone, and it is still a struggle 60 years later.
Thank you for the space to vent a little.

Thank you everyone for the welcome!  I'm 62 years old and sometimes feel like I 'should' be further along in this recovery, but when therapists in the past told me I had PTSD it just didn't really click because there was no major, single-event trauma.   Of course, having depression I was able to not waste all that therapy time and money!  I was also helped by reading two Alice Miller books and being able to acknowledge contempt for my parents' so-called upbringing methods.  Even now its difficult to put that to paper.

The worst thing now is becoming more aware of the relentless inner judge, ever-present and always vigilant for listing all of my shortcomings.   Being human has never seemed to be okay; it just wasn't ever enough.

I have just found this site, and want to reach out to others in recovery.  I have had years of 'good enough' therapy and have been diagnosed with PTSD, but only recently came across Pete Walker's book about complex PTSD.  What a lot of 'aha so that explains it' moments!  Struggling daily to recover from depression and realizing that there is a real person in here!
Struggling with insomnia too and strong tendencies to revert to the freeze and its veil of hoplelessness.