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Thank you all for your replies here. I'd forgotten I'd posted this and my husband returned a few days later after this post.  He has left again since and is now back at his friends house. I need to find the strength to persevere this time and to believe I can do this on my own. My youngest daughter asked if Dad could move out this time and I think that changes things a lot.

This is an encouraging read - thank you and well done.

My husband moved out last night to stay with a friend. I'm feeling very mixed right now - the grief is incredible but with that is relief and hope because anything could happen now.
I'm very anxious - I struggled to get sleep last night and ended up awake feeling very ill with stress symptoms too for some of the night.
I've been a solo mum before so I'm trying to remind myself I know I can do this although  it feels more threatening in someways right now - with Covid social distancing and for other reasons.

Thank you - a tribe and a place to be will be a blessing.

Sorry I deleted this - I get ocd obsessions that mean I struggle to talk about things or leave something like this post visible. It's due to the trauma I think and I know I need to work further on it. My husband moved out last night and the ocd is much worse today. I will make a separate post about that.

Hello,

I registered a couple of weeks ago but have struggled to come here and read/post until today.

I don't really know where to start and find it hard to talk because my trauma has resulted in severe ocd/Scrupulosity which tells me I am not forgiving if I talk about anything and that, where ocd is concerned, has terrifying consequences.

I do need a safer place to talk and be with people that get it although I'm sorry anyone has had to go through any of this stuff.  I have PTSD with dissociative seizures and I struggle with self-harm as well as severe ocd.

I'm waiting for High Intensity CBT at the moment. I've already had that for ocd but now I know the ocd is connected to the traumas I'm now waiting for PTSD therapy.

My family and I are extremely isolated and have very little support. I'm finding it hard to trust people and my own social awkwardness means people often don't seem to warm to me. It keeps the cycle of shame going so I just get more socially awkward and isolated.

Thank you for reading this.
Sassy