Menu

Show posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.

Show posts Menu

Messages - BeautifulCrazy

#1
I have a CPTSD diagnosis and my hypervigilance comes and goes. It always has.
When I am experiencing an emotional flashback, I am nearly constantly hypervigilant.
Sometimes a little something can trigger me into a hypervigilant mode and I can shake it off quickly.
If I am tired or run down or stressed out, I find I almost default back to hypervigilance. Which is draining. It can be a yucky cycle.
I notice the more I grow and progress with therapy, and in life in general, the less time I spend in a hypervigilant state. I am triggered less and less often too. When I was first diagnosed I was in a hypervigilant state most of the time. Now I would say I spend 10% or less of my time feeling that way. Despite the progress I have made, as of last month, I still fit the criteria for having CPTSD and still qualify for therapy to treat it. I hope that helps you somehow.

#2
There is no free online support group at this link.
There is a newsletter. When you sign up for it you get the first month free.
#3
Dear RA-Survivor
Thank you for your honesty and courage sharing your story here.
My heart aches for you and all that you have been through.
I feel so hopeful for you and so glad you are here!!
#4
Woodsgnome,
I'm sorry you are having a rough go of things right now.
I want you to know that I value you. So often I find things in your posts that are thought provoking, inspiring and encouraging. I appreciate the way you express yourself when you write too, your intelligence and insightfulness really come across. I wish I could do more than just offer these words. Take care friend.  :grouphug:
#5
Other / Re: Our Wonderful Healing Porch - Part 7
January 21, 2020, 05:26:09 AM
This is my first time on the porch.
It's sooo lovely.

QuoteI am cared about by the loveliest people I've never met
Thank you for that Sanmagic.

I'd like to share briefly in your circle Boats...
I'd like to share my admiration of everybody here.
I admire your courage in allowing yourself to be vulnerable here.
I admire your willingness to share after so much hurt.
I admire your honesty in self-reflection.
I admire your compassion and love for others.
I admire your dedication to building and maintaining a safe space here.
You are beautiful.

Now I think I'll go sit by the fire and quietly strum my guitar.
#6
General Discussion / Re: New year rehaul
January 04, 2020, 07:00:28 AM
Boatsetsailrose

Hooray for your progress and commitment to yourself!
:chestbump:

Your original post made me lol. That's me to a T!!
The part that made me gasp was this:
QuoteI keep looking and thinking of the reasons why I don't allow my passions to come into ignition... I have ideas but don't really know...
Who cares! Its like when I work it out then that will give me the permission.. NO

I just Need to start something and be consistent... Do the journey..

Oh my gosh.

I thinkthinkthink...
I have good ideas! intentions! plans!....
I thinkthinkthink some more...
I read! research! immerse! oversaturate! overwhelm! and thinkthinkthinkoverthink!
When really, like you said...

I. Just. Need. To. Start. Something.

Yup that felt like a punch in the gut.... lol. So obvious! And that goofy, overused quote about a journey of however many miles beginning with a single step.....  :doh:  Ooof! Sudden, visceral understanding.
And then, practically right after, you said...

Do. The. Journey.

Do it. That doesn't mean plan it! read about it! research it! argue with myself about all the possible outcomes! whys! and why nots! wherefores! and doubt! and fears! and insecurity! and fearfearfear! and all in my head! do it! overdo it! and now it is so done! and now I am so done with it!
:blowup:

I need to just (gently) take the first step (however small) on the journey. Put on the red Nikes and Just Do It.

Thank you for the simplification and the kick in the pants!!
I wish you every joy, and lots of forward momentum on your dancing, drawing, painting, creating, singing closet queen self stuff!! I am cheering you on!
~BC
#7
General Discussion / Re: Art as Therapy
January 04, 2020, 05:48:02 AM
I hope you keep posting about your art as therapy!
A few years ago I was so lucky to be part of an art therapy group for women who had experienced trauma and domestic abuse!! It was one of the best things that I ever participated in. The group lost funding and was discontinued and my personal progress lost a lot of momentum without that real-life support group :( I fantasize about running my own group one day for people with c-ptsd! I wish I had the resources, time, energy and self discipline to invest in doing more creative things right now. I know from experience how cathARTic it can be! Do you know yet what your first project, first step, first medium used is going to be? I am excited for you! (My inner child is grinning and giving me a picture of splattery warm mud hitting the pristine side of one of those big metal shipping containers. A memory? A wish?) I'm feeling inspired to maybe have a bit of free flowing creative time tomorrow and see what transpires. Thank you for your super inspiring and affirming post!