Messages

Thank you Kizzie,  yes the primary issue is trust. I was abused my  father, who kidnapped me from school after my mom kicked him out. My brother and I were taken as leverage so my mom would take my dad back.  When my dad got a girlfriend and didn't want to save his marriage, I was put in a foster home,  but my dad kept my brother.
I joined the Navy at 17 years old and married at 18. During 3 nine month deployments she was a serial cheater.  I married my current wife 2 years after I divorced the first.
Yes I have serious trust issues

Yes, I will.  The submissive part of me says, Let it go, it happened 20 years ago. The other part of me imagines that it started before we married,, and then went on for years after we got married and they talked about how stupid I was not to see what was happening.
I have C ptsd and ADD, now that I'm on Ritalin I was able to focus and connect the dots and so many things make sense

Thank you, I've been trying to convince her to try couples or individual counseling for her. I've been going to therapy for years, but feel embarrassed to bring up things that could make my wife look bad

I recently found out that my wife of 32 years had an affair with her boss before we met. She hinted that she didn't want to. I tend to believe that because she has a very negative view of sex, and our personal life has been nearly non-existence for the past 15 years.

What bothers me I think she has restarted this affair at least once during our marriage about 20 years ago. I've tried to talk about it with her, but she gets angry, close to violent.
Do I just let it go because it's the past ?  I honestly think my wife has used sex to control some of the men in her life. Looking back to the beginning of our relationship I feel that she did that with me.  Forget and stay with no sex life ? I feel unhappy and unloved she resists physical contact,
some times even hugs,,  but at 62 years old, starting over doesn't sound appealing.

Dollyvee, Thank you for your understanding reply. I'm sorry that you had the experiences that caused shame. I like your idea of undoing the source of anger. I think abusers project their own feelings of shame towards others.
It helps me to hear kind words from you.
My wife had a pretty typical "normal" childhood and  can't possibly understand what how it feels to be abused and betrayed by parents.  I haven't even told her everything thats happened to me.
Thank you again for your kind words

A week ago my PTSD was triggered by a neighbor who thought it was humorous to block me when I tried driving past him.
My anger went ballistic, it felt exactly the same as when I had been continuously harassed by a higher ranked petty officer in the military.

I talked with my therapist whom I've been seeing for about 18 months. She was zero help and suggested that I may have caused the incident. I ended the session after 15 minutes and canceled all my future appointments with her.
I know I'm angry, I usually bury my anger deep down.
My wife is lashing out at me for being angry and for me trying to isolate from family.
She said I'm mentally ill and that was probably why my father rejected me and put me in foster homes.
Does anyone else feel a total lack of support from the people who are suppose to care ?
After 30 years of marriage I'm trying to figure out if I can afford my own place