Messages

rainy, it feels like there's such a wealth of information out there now. I struggled to find info for years, but now, there's more than I can possibly look at. I'm very glad the internet is there to provide all these resources.

Hope, thank you for the good wishes and the hug, same to you! 

 

Happy new year 

Thank you, Not Alone and sanmagic 

I am doing better. I am feeling more hopeful. I'm continuing to find more resources online to help with understanding myself and what is going to work to heal this thing called CPTSD.

Never give up.

 

Thank you, sanmagic, Armee, dollyvee, Hope and Not Alone  It's been a while since I've been here. Things were a bit tough for a while, but are improving at the moment.

I don't have a whole lot to report, but just wanted to come here and wish everyone a happy new year. May 2022 bring you much healing and joy. 

Feeling very low today. It's not been a good week. The pain has gotten bad again. I just feel like I'm stuck in a cycle, wash, rinse, repeat. Nothing gets better. The things that hurt so much keep coming back, I feel the pain, but it doesn't improve. It incapacitates me. I'm feeling depressed and don't have it in me to manage daily things again. I'm having doubts about therapy. This just feels like more of the same where nothing helps. I can't change the past and I feel powerless to change how I feel. I feel like the past has a huge grip on me. Memories keep coming and they hurt just as much the 1000th time I think about them as they did the first. It's not getting any better.

Thank you rainydiary and sanmagic 

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I have some distance today from the parts that blended so much with me yesterday. I am going to see if I can now try to get into more Self and provide some connection and care.

Sending comfort and care 

A blanket week sounds very comforting, I hope it helps you feel better.

Not Alone, definitely not easy. 

dollyvee, it did feel a bit dismissive to part of me at first, but I understand that was not your intent. Thank you for your support. 

Snowdrop, thanks for the hug.

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I had another session today. It was intense. Parts were very blended and would not/could not make space for Self. It was a very painful session. Parts are very much resisting allowing Self to be around. Parts could not take in my therapist's presence either. This left all of me without any comfort. Today has been very draining. I have a part that blames me for all the pain that's there.

rainy, sorry you're in a similar spot, I hope things have improved, although I know you've got a lot of stress with visitors at the moment.

Armee, things are shifting around, parts are communicating but it's been organic without me trying to initiate dialog. Things are feeling better.

dolly, the urgency is there, because there's a lot of pain and it often feels intolerable. Parts want for the pain to go away, but with other parts blocking, that can't really happen.

san, thanks for the hug, it helps to express things and have them be heard. 

Larry, thanks for saying hi, nice to hear from you 

san, I don't know if IFS is something you have done or want to try. It can be helpful for pain. You can tune in to the pain and get curious and open about it. You can dialog with it and tell it you are there and acknowledge it. Say whatever comes to mind and makes sense to communicate to the pain or body part.  Ask it what it wants to tell you. It may seem strange but it could help. If not, nothing lost. I hope you find relief soon. 

Thank you rainy and dolly 

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I am very tired tonight. I had a big dip in mood over the weekend. I tried to do some IFS on my own from a different perspective. It didn't go very well, I didn't have enough Self and parts of me got very, very upset. I have been thinking a lot since, trying to figure out how to do this. There is a lot of internal feedback and there is just so much information, I feel I can't possibly process it all and make things a bit more coherent for myself.

One thing is clear and that's that a part of me is very angry with me and won't really unblend. So many reasons and so much unprocessed stuff is held inside me. I don't know how I'll ever work through it all.

I hope you had a nice bike ride