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UPDATE...so, we're doing a form (I guess) of attachment focused EMDR...installing safe attachments...installing safety...only 2 sessions so far...what I've noticed is (physically) I have a lessened state of "armoring"...my breathing has slowed down, and is smoother (I was at 22-24 breaths per minute very rapid and shallow) now I'm down to 12-13 breaths per minute...In feel a little calmer. That's all so far...

my therapist was trained by Pat Ogden and Janina Fisher... here's their site...  https://account.sensorimotorpsychotherapy.org/directory.html

I'm currently doing EMDR over Zoom...

Getting ready to start pre-verbal EMDR...as I have no traumatic/triggering memories to desensitize with typical EMDR. Dissociative amnesia has blocked all feelings attached to my past. Therapist was asking for a 1-10 on the S.U.D.S. and I'm like...maybe a "1" if I really try... so, I'm wondering if anyone else has tried pre-verbal (felt sense) EMDR...and what are your feelings on it...

Here's my question...my form of dissociation:
Hundreds of times a day (not exaggerating) I can be in the middle of a conversation, or driving, or watching tv...etc. and my consciousness will "split" . If we're having a conversation, I break eye contact, and when I "come back" if I notice that your facial expression hasn't changed, my mind will bridge the gap, and fill in what I believe happened...I'm almost always able to keep the conversation going (I own a tourist store in La Conner) it sucks watching TV, because on the episode recap, it never seems to be what I remember...it's not "just daydreaming"...also, I've recently learned how to dissociate in cases of extreme dysregulation, to not "lose it" with the person that inadvertently triggered me, so, as I feel the dysregulation coming on, I "split" and keep a calm self carrying on the conversation, while my other self slows my breathing down to, hopefully, 6 breaths per minute and concentrate on slowing/stopping the "hamster wheel" in my gut...
The dissociation isn't negatively impacting my life, in so much as I've been able to adapt to it, but we were wondering if you had any insight...when I "split" my therapist says my vision goes up and to the right...which is supposed to be a sign of hyper focus...
Anybody else experience this in this way

Thanks Kizzie...update on a different thread between you and I...I found someone "local" that takes my insurance...and was trained by Dr. Pat Ogden...should be just who I need...I hope...

I've been considering a SPECT brain scan for ADHD/OCD and cPTSD ... but they also scan DID...   https://www.amenclinics.com/conditions/multiple-personality-disorder/#:~:text=Brain%20SPECT%20imaging%2C%20a%20state,toxins%20that%20may%20cause%20similar

I have recently "found out" that the amount and clarity of my childhood memories differ from "normal" people...I have what are known as "flashbulb memories"  or psychogenic amnesia...I've spent hours and hours working on a time line for Lifespan Integration...just one memory (1967 red house) for each year...and even using my sister, and kids I grew up with...I still can't account for 1968 and 1975...I'm 58 years old...   https://lifespanintegration.com/ 

Phoebes...copy-n-pasted from another post of mine... 

I have chronic insomnia and obstructive sleep apnea...(and before we start, yes, I'm about 30 lbs. overweight, but had it before I gained weight) I take Ambien or Lunesta for about a week at a time, before I start building a tolerance, and have to wean myself off of one, while taking the other (to avoid rebound insomnia) I only sleep as long as the medication keeps me asleep...I take medication every night at 9:00 and get in bed and read until medication kicks in. I sleep, usually, till about 1:30 or 2:00 when the medication gas reached it's "half-life" then I take another dose to carry me through till 5:00 or 5:30...I'm leery of CBD, because I'm a clean poly drug addict (clean 20 years) , I can't take melatonin (even though it works real well) because it exacerbates Restless Leg Syndrome...but with a CPAP and a full face mask, I manage to bring 15 apneas per hour down to 0.8 per hour. Average person has 1.1 per hour. They don't know why... but  trauma is a common denominator in close to 2/3 of apnea sufferers...I'm sure insomnia is much higher.   (click on both links...they work...one about trauma and insomnia...the other apnea and trauma)   

Kizzie...welcome... Gabapentin for RLS...  I've got RLS, too...I've tried both of these to no avail...  ropinirole (Requip)
pramipexole (Mirapex)

anybody crying...for any reason...even frustration...yelling...coercive control...

Everybody's trauma is 100%...

So sounds like my experience...when I was about 12 (probably summer of 6th grade...because I was wearing shorts) a neighbor kid asked what was wrong with my legs...I said "those are my bruises"...he said "your bruises?" I said "yea...from my whippings" he said "what do you mean your whippings?"...that's when I found out that everybody didn't have whippings...after talking to the other kids in the neighborhood...I realized I was the only one...next time i was whipped, I called the police...probably 1972-1973...I remember the police coming to the door, I pulled my pants down, showed them...and they said they had no proof who did it...and left (I have had EMDR done on that memory...) I have no memory what so ever what happened after they left...(I have psychogenic amnesia or flashbulb memories of my childhood...)

I have chronic insomnia and obstructive sleep apnea...(and before we start, yes, I'm about 30 lbs. overweight, but had it before I gained weight) I take Ambien or Lunesta for about a week at a time, before I start building a tolerance, and have to wean myself off of one, while taking the other (to avoid rebound insomnia) I only sleep as long as the medication keeps me asleep...I take medication every night at 9:00 and get in bed and read until medication kicks in. I sleep, usually, till about 1:30 or 2:00 when the medication gas reached it's "half-life" then I take another dose to carry me through till 5:00 or 5:30...I'm leery of CBD, because I'm a clean poly drug addict (clean 20 years) , I can't take melatonin (even though it works real well) because it exacerbates Restless Leg Syndrome...but with a CPAP and a full face mask, I manage to bring 15 apneas per hour down to 0.8 per hour. Average person has 1.1 per hour. They don't know why... but  trauma is a common denominator in close to 2/3 of apnea sufferers...I'm sure insomnia is much higher.   (click on both links...they work...one about trauma and insomnia...the other apnea and trauma)   

   .https://www.sleepfoundation.org/articles/connection-between-ptsd-and-sleep-apnea
https://www.brainline.org/article/ptsd-and-sleep-problems-double-whammy#:~:text=PTSD%20seems%20to%20disrupt%20sleep,staying%20asleep%E2%80%94and%20daytime%20fatigue.

  Bach, I feel the same way 

Me too...Can we all just raise our collective hands... The only other place I relate/fit in is on a Facebook group CPTSD SUFFERERS AND SUPPORT...you guys are "my peeps"...
I thought I fit in at AA/NA...but in retrospect...I was just identifying with the CPTSD symptoms being spoken about in AA/NA terms...if that makes sense...there is so much trauma under the surface that never gets addressed in AA/NA...they're just treating a symptom...