Messages

Thank you all very much for your warm and Kind Responses. :-)

I would like to respond but your kind answers are entitled to something more Elaborate which I can't handle presently.

The more I talk to my T the more I can see the Blessings in being the SG.

Yes, resiliency is one of my favourite themes as well and I think all your remarks are exactly to the Point.

Please forgive my spelling, my browser does that and I gave up fighting him.

Looking Forward to talking to you more on the Weekend.

Best wishes for now.

Thank you all very much for your nice and warm hellos.

I'm looking very much forward to talking to you about issues nobody around me except my T can relate to. 

A good night's sleep is so precious, I've come to value it above a good meal (....because a good meal isn't as rare to me as a good night's sleep is...).

So very true, keepfighting. Exactly how I see things. Good sleep is THE one thing you can't buy. Of course you can buy meds but they don't do you much good.

Like you, I've stopped obsessing about my weight and taken up exercising instead. It is very beneficial to my overall sense of wellbeing, and it is also a good 'flight'-response when all the craziness is getting too overwhelming. Dubble plus!

I think that is a very healty point of view. :-)  I too move to stay movable (if that makes sense) but who has problems with joints will get me. And to raise my mood. That luckily always works.

And I don't see any reason to still strive for bodily outlines that 18 year old have. I'll shortly be sixty and I think I should be allowed to look it. My psyche is more important.

Cat, that

It's perfectly fine to aim for a C.

is a Thing one can't stress too often.     I recently Keep learning it because I've taken up Music, to learn to Play an Instrument. Hard work at my Age.

Better to pick which things I actually want an A in.

Very good Point of view. Stress your strengthes and don't waste time to Change perfectly normal mediocrity in other Areas.
I handle things the same way.
Much to the distress of my DH, a perfectionist.
From a quite disfunctional Family too. You get the Picture. 

Forgive me for my spelling. My browser insists of correcting and is responsible for all those big capital letters. I can't get him to think English and gave up on correcting "him". *sigh*

Thank you everyone for your warm welcome.

I'm sure I'll learn a lot here.

Presently I'm reading Pete Walker's "Tao of Fully Feeling".

I must say: One of the most important books in my life, definitely one I would take with me to the proverbial island if I only could take one.

It is very validating to read about what others have experienced and how to put things in place, to read about "emotional human rights".

My parents did each and every one thing to me that Pete listed as emotional abuse and neglect. The new thing I just now come to see: Not only my father. My mother was not much better.

She preferred her safety, her being taken care of financially on a rather high level to the wellbeing and sanity of her daughter, her kids.

What I keep wondering about: My T keeps telling me my reactions are very sane, encourages me to experience my rage and my grief.
That I came out of a family like this in pretty good sanity seems to be a small wonder. I keep asking myself where I got my resilience from.

Is it simply "some are stronger" ?

Maybe some higher power gave that gift of resiliency to me when planting me into that family?

Dear fellow fighters for sanity,

the definition of sanity seems to shift lately. 

Currently I'm in a situation I can't escape. I have to deal with family members who are entitled to their opinions. Which they excessively make use of.   ;-)

I can't make them agree and they can't make me... The conflict will be sveltering for a long time from now on. No escape.

What that does to me: In the previous weeks I felt rather ill due to having to de-hoard a family member's house. My lungs didn't like that at all.

I'm almost sixty and my lungs are not my only health problem.

My joints as well behave as if their expiration dates have been reached.

So lately I couldn't sleep and felt lousy all day. Barely could function.

What I have taken up lately is to take anti-inflammation drugs against the joint pain, red wine (moderate amounts) and yesterday even a Benzodiazepine to sleep.

Today I feel ok even relaxed as to the conflicts that of course haven't disappeared.

And I'm quite willing to feel like that every day even if it means daily drug use.

I even gave up on staying slim. I now visit the gym to get the amount of exercise that is beneficial to my joints. I will use Benzodiazepine to sleep, probably healthier than half a bottle of red wine that works as well.

And my lungs probably will require Cortisone to be able to stand the molds of fall and having to enter the hoarded house.
If they make me fat I can't change that presently. The silver lining would be that could get me to clear out my wardrobe, to get rid of garments I will probably never again be able to wear.

In short, I'm really getting old. And putting up with it.

What I'm working on is staying assertive in the unavoidable conflicts and stopping JADEing to family members as I had been used to do for decades. Much hard work laying in front of me.

Sorry for the rant. I suppose I'm not alone. I don't feel inadaequate any more when getting for myself what I need to cope, even if that's a bunch of medications I would have skipped in former times.

Probably many of you have similar experiences?

I have to keep my introduction short and curt as the story of my childhood is somewhat unique so I won't go too much into that.

I hope my very personal things will suffice as an introduction: I was diagnosed with cPTSD.
That finally gave me an explanation for many years of suffering that some time ago finally became unbearable. I sought help.
And I received help. Many, many valuable hints to coherences I couldn't see for myself.
As I don't trust my own perception. Well, they trained me not to do that any more... I of course was a cheeky, an obnoxious and ingrateful brat that they had to trim and punish a lot. To his own best of course *lol* ;-)

I was raised in a family that was *.

The silver linings: Both parents never really bonded with me, so I didn't feel too much obligation except staying in line, but not caring and so it was easy to detach.

The darker side: Compassion with my sibling who had it worse than I nearly kills me. It really is very difficult for me to get out of the FOG concerning him. But I have to bc not asserting my needs makes me depressive.

A lot learned so far, lived through a lot of grief and other feelings. But still a long way to go...
I'm confident to find many valuable hints here as well.