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Wow you describe it exactly how it is!
Waking up in the middle or very beginning of an attack. I'm still not sure whats starting it. Meds have help some. Makes for a very unreliable life. I never know form one day to the next how i'll be. I find the more my insomnia acts up the worst the anxiety is. I've tried to explain it the best I can to doctors and I mostly get this blank stare.
Thank you very much for your share. It really helps knowing your not alone.

Thank you...

It is so true, we have still slowed right down for this to process. I just need to vent sometimes where I know someone can hear.

I started a work book Seeking Safety with my therapist, on advice of my Shrink. I was not prepared for the sadness.  I'm a 40 year old white male and I dont think Ive ever cried so much in my life. We are trying to do the first section and I have to stop it, it has been 3 freeken weeks!!! lol My wife teases me non stop (in a fun way).
My alert ness is way up as well. I see her everywhere. and Dreams sooooo many dreams.

Everything I build for the last 30 years is coming down and it's scary as ...(well you know)

Thanks for listening.

Wow...this is a hard one. I've been trying to work on this one for a couple months now and well...feeling like a failure again. It's not that I deserve my love any less than the next person. They just deserve it more. I tell myself all sorts of fantastical things to keep this lie alive. I feel like this one just might be the one to leave alone. The one thing that I can't fix (and I can fix anything hahaha). I know there has been progress since I finally broke so bad I couldn't keep going. Like a Ponzi Scheme finally crumbling down after 30 years of avoidance and distraction. Anyhow I digress.
So we soldier on one foot in front of the other down the path. Maybe one day we will learn to love ourselves as much as we are deserving, but not today.

Thank you for your kind words of encouragement 

Hi I'm a 41 year old male.
I was abused as a child by my mother. I had turned my back on her 20 years ago, but I have a son now and I guess my love for him broke my brain. My life fell apart about a year and a half ago. I got really depressed (to the point of suicidal thoughts). They were not new but shaking them this time was almost impossible. My anxiety attacks made it impossible to be reliable, so I stopped working and stayed in my room basically for almost 8 months. I started therapy with the help of my lovely wife. It has helped a little. I find the meds hardly change anything.

My therapist is working to get in to see a shrink. I hope that will help some more.
I found you guys after a year of reading as much as I could (insomnia is good for something haha)

Its hard for me to imagine that there are others out there who hurt the same as I do.
But this site has spoken to me like nothing I have ever been exposed to.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post

Mius