Hi there!
I never know how to introduce myself on these things. I've been a member of various message boards for half my life, since I was a teenager, but haven't really found anywhere regular to post since I left my last eating disorder-related forum ten years ago. I have chronic mental health problems related to trauma, and while I am suspicious of pretty much all diagnoses (I'm a therapist and a PhD student in the field of trauma, so half of my life is spent picking holes in mental health research), CPTSD certainly fits me best of all the labels that don't really fit me very well. Relational Trauma Response seems like it would be an even better description.
I come from a long line of traumatised women who were abused by their mothers, so I started my life with attachment problems because my mum was really unstable and never sought help, and then I experienced various forms of abuse and neglect throughout my childhood and teens, some from my parents and some outside my home. At 35 years old I am way more functional than any of the psychiatrists I saw as a teenager predicted - I have a career and an education and a long term relationship after a lot of false starts - but I am still in a lot of pain a lot of the time and it sucks. I've been in and out of therapy for almost twenty years, with lots of short stints with therapists I didn't click with particularly well, but for the last 2.5 years I've been with a really good relationally-oriented therapist and that feels like it's finally going somewhere. It's incredibly hard - I get triggered by feeling cared for by her, I get triggered by feeling disconnected from her, everything she does hurts in some way. But it feels really necessary too, so I'm committed.
When I'm not losing my mind or working, I am a giant nerd - birdwatching, Star Trek, astrophysics, all forms of nerdery are good with me.
I look forward to meeting you all!
I never know how to introduce myself on these things. I've been a member of various message boards for half my life, since I was a teenager, but haven't really found anywhere regular to post since I left my last eating disorder-related forum ten years ago. I have chronic mental health problems related to trauma, and while I am suspicious of pretty much all diagnoses (I'm a therapist and a PhD student in the field of trauma, so half of my life is spent picking holes in mental health research), CPTSD certainly fits me best of all the labels that don't really fit me very well. Relational Trauma Response seems like it would be an even better description.
I come from a long line of traumatised women who were abused by their mothers, so I started my life with attachment problems because my mum was really unstable and never sought help, and then I experienced various forms of abuse and neglect throughout my childhood and teens, some from my parents and some outside my home. At 35 years old I am way more functional than any of the psychiatrists I saw as a teenager predicted - I have a career and an education and a long term relationship after a lot of false starts - but I am still in a lot of pain a lot of the time and it sucks. I've been in and out of therapy for almost twenty years, with lots of short stints with therapists I didn't click with particularly well, but for the last 2.5 years I've been with a really good relationally-oriented therapist and that feels like it's finally going somewhere. It's incredibly hard - I get triggered by feeling cared for by her, I get triggered by feeling disconnected from her, everything she does hurts in some way. But it feels really necessary too, so I'm committed.
When I'm not losing my mind or working, I am a giant nerd - birdwatching, Star Trek, astrophysics, all forms of nerdery are good with me.
I look forward to meeting you all!