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I'm not sure what is considered normal, if anything at all. But yes, I have definitely experienced that. I tend to have quite drastic seasonal moods. Summer is awful for me and has been since I started school as a teenager. I think the sudden loss of a routine sends me spinning - not seeing friends as often, not having a reason to get up/leave the house, seeing people's pictures on Instagram and feeling like I should be having the time of my life when I'm really feeling completely isolated. After finishing education, I started working in education, so that's never really changed. Summer is hard and this summer has been particularly hard (thanks, Covid). It doesn't help that I have a fairly extreme heat sensitivity so I feel physically uncomfortable too.
But I love autumn/winter. I love going back to work, getting back into a routine, feeling like I have a purpose and something to live for. I love the cool weather and the changing colours of the leaves, the feeling that September represents a new beginning. Autumn makes me feel energised.

Last week, I was the lowest I've been for years. I struggled with negative thoughts, I couldn't stop crying, I started engaging in impulsive/reckless behaviour (which is not like me usually), I felt directionless and worthless. Then on the 1st September, it was like a switch flicked and I woke up feeling not just better, but absolutely amazing. I've spent the last few days on a real high. I have so much hope for my future, I'm working on healing past hurts and accepting what life gives me, I've been exercising and eating well. I feel really, really happy. I know this isn't a healthy cycle, but I've been in it for over 10 years. I'm not quite sure how to break it.

I know this is a pretty old thread, but thought I'd jump in anyway because I've been thinking about this a lot lately.

I was home-schooled for most of my childhood, but when I did go to school as a teenager, I was probably every teacher's dream student. I paid attention in every lesson, I got my work in on time, I was polite, I was never disruptive in lessons, I helped other students when they didn't understand something. One of my teachers actually used to direct other students to me when they needed help with something. She would say, "I'm just helping _________, could you ask Alwayslikethis?" I realise now that was another example of me being given too much responsibility, but at the time I didn't find it weird because I was so used to being given adult responsibilities at home it just felt normal. And, actually, I really loved it because I looked up to my teachers and wanted to be one myself, so I liked being given extra responsibilities. In my mind, it elevated me higher than the other students and got me closer to being on the same level as the teachers.

I was really desperate to please the teachers and I feared being reprimanded. I once got into trouble for helping another student too much (i.e. I did his entire assignment for him - I was desperate to please everyone, basically) and I felt so humiliated I worked extra hard for teacher approval after that because I felt like I'd let my teachers down and had essentially failed them. I think from an outsider perspective, I just seemed like a great student, but the reality is that I was just desperate for approval from adults in my life. Everything I did as a child was to gain adult approval.

Thanks to both. I woke up feeling much better this morning and started my day off with a Zoom exercise class, which helped a lot. No time to overthink and feel sad while you're lunging and squatting! I think Blueberry was right about the inner critic. I think it didn't help that I'd just spent a week with my family, thinking about family dynamics and past traumas. I didn't get to spend a lot of time with my mum and then snapped at her just before I left - got myself into a funk where I wanted to be kind and enjoy the time I had with her, but found it really hard to stop being snappy and defensive. I always end up feeling a lot of guilt when I get into one of those moods, so I had a big cry when I got home and started thinking a lot about my relationship which recently broke down. I've been finding it harder to move on than I have in the past and I think that's partly because it was so good and partly because I've been generally quite depressed recently, but I'm scheduling some therapy for myself next week, so I'm feeling more hopeful for the future.

I just needed to vent/wallow a bit last night. Thank you for listening

TW: childhood sexual abuse, abusive relationship

I'm feeling a little more unbalanced than usual because of a variety of factors, but I'm beginning to question if I really know how to have a healthy relationship. I was sexually abused as a child by two people I trusted; watched my mum either have unhealthy relationships with men or swear off men completely; although I always knew my mum cared about me, she was quite emotionally distant when I was a kid and never expressed affection. As a result of all this (and other factors), I spent my childhood and adolescence craving love, but feeling unlovable.

From 16-20, I was involved in really unhealthy relationships with guys who were only interested in sex. I wanted more than just sex, but didn't know how to say that. I worried that expressing my feelings would make them run and I was just so desperate to be loved, I just went along with what they wanted. I tried a few times to resist when they initiated sex, but one of them used to guilt trip me until I gave in and another used to wait until I was really drunk. With both of them, it was excruciatingly painful and I'd feel confused, upset and a little violated, but also desperate to sleep with them again to please them and make them love me. Both of them kept me at arms length and made it clear that they didn't want anyone to know that they were sleeping with me, which made me feel like I'm something to be ashamed of -- like, maybe it's embarrassing to be attracted to me?

After my last relationship at 20, I vowed to spend some time alone, to work on myself, to like myself more, to learn how to establish clear and healthy boundaries, and to raise my standards. I spent 4 1/2 years single, not even dating and I thought I'd made good progress. I started a new relationship earlier this year and, for 3 months, it was the healthiest relationship I've ever known. I've never felt so respected by a man and, actually, I'm not sure I've ever felt more respected by anyone than I did in those first three months. He NEVER pressured me to do anything and he always checked in to see how I was and he was so nice I sometimes found myself wanting to cry because I just never realised how nice it felt to be treated like that. I felt like an equal partner in the relationship. Then Covid blew up and we went on lockdown. We couldn't see each other and it activated my old insecurities. I found myself getting super needy, messaging all the time, trying to get him to talk to me about his feelings. He became really distant and closed off. We broke up 3 months into lockdown (after 6 months in total together). It was the most respectful, amicable and peaceful break up I've had, but less than a month afterwards I found out he was back on Tinder and I feel like I'm back at square one. I feel like I'm desperate to be loved, but I also feel disgusted when people are affectionate towards me, so I choose emotionally unavailable men who always stay a little bit detached. But I end up feeling worthless and unlovable when they don't give me the love and affection I crave -- especially when they all said to me they weren't ready for a relationship and then jumped into a relationship/onto Tinder immediately after breaking up with me.

Sorry for the long, rambling post, but I just spent a week with my family and it's given me a lot to reflect upon. I'm not sure I've ever had a healthy relationship and, even when I thought I finally did, it circled back to the dynamic that I'm used to: chasing and pulling away. Part of me wants to move on and seek a healthy relationship, but part of me is scared of getting hurt again and there's a part of me that thinks maybe the problem is me and that people are better off without me in their lives.

Hi everyone. I'm a 25F from the UK. I've been in and out of therapy for anxiety and depression since I was 17. At 22, I went into therapy for PTSD after witnessing a violent crime and had a great therapist who helped me unpick not only the recent trauma, but a lot of trauma I endured in childhood, although she never used the term CPTSD. I didn't discover that until a couple of years later.

TW: abuse

I was sexually abused as a child, and also raised in a single-parent household. My mum (who raised me) suffered poor mental and physical health throughout my childhood and, as a result, I and my siblings were somewhat neglected. It's been hard for me to accept that because I love my mum and know she loves me and never felt like I had a bad childhood, but I'm starting to realise how much of my upbringing wasn't 'normal' and how much it's affected me throughout my life.

I've never been good at opening up to those close to me, so I don't feel like I can talk to anyone in my life about what happened and how I feel about it, so I'm hoping this will be a  space where I feel like I can be honest about my feelings.