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Update:
I am now on two types of medication that works very well with no ill side effects, and my seizures have stopped.  I am still unable to work due to triggers and social impairment, but I am recovering and my quality of life is so much better. I would like to add that nutrition plays a large role in mental health.

There is hope. Never give up.

[Trigger Warning]

Trigger Warning

I am 47 years old and have been struggling to recover from a lifetime of trauma.

I ripped my entire hand open on a nail when I was 4 years old. When I was 5, I witnessed a grisly fatal car accident, then later that year found my neighbor and adopted Grandfather dead in his yard. In the first grade my teacher used to shake me and lock me in a dark closet. The same year, I fell face first on the blacktop while running in from recess when a boy pushed a tire in front of me. My upper lip was torn almost off and I had to have it surgically put back together.

My mother is paranoid schizophrenic. She and my father divorced when I was 7 and my mother got custody of me and my 2 sisters. As a single Mother to us girls, she tried to kill us a lot. We saw too many terrifying and confusing things. We experienced horrifying traumas. My Mother had already been trying to kill me since I was a baby. I remember being a baby and how she set me out in the ocean and watched as the waves took me. My Sister rescued me.

I ran away from home at 12 and was put in a foster home. The father tried to french kiss us and put his hand up our nightgowns to wake us up. He also worked us like slaves. I ran away from the foster home at age 14 with a 28 year old abusive psychotic man. After a year of horror with him, I wound up on the streets experiencing many horrors as a teenage prostitute.

I was arrested, put in juvenile hall then returned home where, at 15 years old, I met my first husband. I spent many years of torture rape and imprisonment with him. The worst years of my life were with him, and I lost my identity.

I escaped at age 23, completely lost and numb. I've worked very hard to get where I am, but have had many additional relationships that were emotionally abusive.

I have CPTSD so bad now that I have non-epileptic seizures. At last, I have met the most loving gentle man and, at last, I have a healthy relationship, but now I'm falling apart with multiple triggers every day and seizures. I can't work and I'm a wreck.

I'm about to start medication in a week and I'm terrified. I'm fighting with everything I have.