once again, you brought tears to my eyes, armee, and when i went to bed i could imagine being tucked in and cared about and it was lovely. thank you for that image. and thanks for the validation about going thru anything w/ c-ptsd. i forget how much of a difference it makes, how much of an impact it produces, and how much more difficulty it can cause in anything remotely out of the ordinary. so, yeah, big things, repeated things, are going to cause more than the usual problems.
blueberry, you've done so great maneuvering thru your move, i commend you. thanks for the support. since i got to the states (well, that was a tremendous move in itself) 5 yrs. ago, i've lived in 3 different places already. i actually cannot envision another move. like my mind freezes at the prospect. but, yes, one foot in front of the other.
hey, notalone, i agree w/ your T. sleeping is supposed to give us rest, allow our everything to regroup, yet at the same time it's also when our subconscious can run wild. i've had a fear of not being able to sleep for so many decades, now, and that's playing a part here, too. hopefully, that part is going into its own bag, cuz i really don't have reasons that i can't sleep in or go back to sleep or take a peaceful nap anymore. sometimes it's hard to remember that.
and, i agree, even virtual searching can be extremely stressful. best to you w/ all that. thanks for you support.
i was able to purposefully stay up to do editing last nite, and it was great. normally, i'm anxious about getting to sleep, falling asleep, staying asleep, but i was able to put all that aside last nite and do what i wanted. i slept well and long enough. maybe i'm beginning to be able to look this dragon in the eye and say 'you have no power over me' (i know that was from 'labyrinth' but what the heck - it worked here for me!)
haven't had anxiety since fri. nite, either. putting that concept in my head about having c-ptsd seems to have settled something down which had been restless and overwhelming. so much fear around sleep for so long, so much aloneness surrounding it. geez, at least w/ one-night stands, i usually had more touch, more validation as a woman, and more desire toward me than i had from all 3 hubs combined! weird to think about it - where it was supposed to be a given, it was taken by their own crapola.
so, we still wait. we have to get the paper from my D's friend saying she's employing my D, and i'm not sure when that will happen. soon, i hope. sitting on this uncertainty is driving me mad! ugh! well, pretty sure we'll get what we need in the next two weeks, which will allow us to know if we have a place to live or not. i'm frozen when attempting to picture what leaving here might look like. frozen, yet it's still buzzing around the back of my mind that in a few months we might be homeless. too much.
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