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OMG!!! So sorry honey. I hope you make a speedy recovery. 

Good job! This is exactly what you need to recover....

This is a really good video on forgiveness by Ross Rosenberg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6pROjCwsE0


I think the important thing is not forgiveness, but whether it is eating you up on the inside. The big, big thing is to control stress and to eventually make your perpetrators a non entity in your existence. Forgiveness is such a dodgy word with multiple interpretations. The key is to be in a place where they are not even in your mind, as your life has grown enough to push them out

SC thanks for the wonderful thread. That is a really good list you have started there.

Here are some of mine (I also do your list too)

Hard core meditation and time alone.
Painting
Long, long walking (now up to 6-12 miles at one time)
Practicing listening to people very closely...very good for staying "grounded"

Yes, keep being disobedient to your inner critic.....it took me a while as well. Now I spoil myself all the time with hot drinks. taking clothes to the cleaners, and getting my toenails painted....

YA :bighug:Y!

yay guys keep this beautiful thread going!!!

Very deep conversation guys, I have been through it. Yes, I think it is your brain trying to consolidate emotional memories.

Keep it going.

Well, if people want to judge us for sticking up for ourselves, I say screw that! So what? Don't need  people around who do not support your recovery.

Oh Sweeties, this is the painful part of brain remodeling. You know how physical therapy hurts and sucks? Same, exact thing, except it is your brain...

It is gonna be OK. Digest those * feeling, one spoonful at a time. Here is something I want you to listen to...lot of good technical advice with releasing emotions.

Look at the talk called

Self-Generated Emotion
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/against-the-stream/id313540278?mt=2

Take care, Kiddos.

OMG yes. 

SC, thanks for posting. The depressed feeling are gone. I get no deep sense of abandonment...but that is not to say that it ain't that, either. But I do agree, it is from being too "close" as you say. It was like a fatigue.

On other thread, we had a really good discussion on sex, and it was deeply enlightening on a personal level.

Well, I had sex all this weekend with a really nice guy. It was a totally positive and seemingly healthy experience.  I really needed to get laid, and so did he.

Well, he left to go back home this weekend and I was ready to have some quiet time. A few minutes later, I started getting really depressed. I was watching my inner state very closely. I suddenly remembered that after I had fun casual sex about 8 years ago in the past, I felt the same way.

This is not abandonment feelings. This is not a moralistic self loathing or regret. No shame. It was a totally wonderful time. This is some sort of triggering of some script in my head that made me incredibly depressed inside of a few minutes.

The thoughts that have been going through my head are unrelated sadness events about how problematic my attachment mechanisms are. But this depressive thing, which is the worst than I have had in months and came on like a tsunami, is mostly a mystery.

Again, I deeply appreciate Ya'll and would welcome thoughts oh this. It is perplexing.   

 

No, you don't HAVE to forgive, just as long as you are at a place where you are not eating yourself up, it is OK.

Here is a very good video...please watch it all. It helps explain the dynamic.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMPaKJfrZrA