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Messages - Kizzie

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It's got nothing to do with him or them, it's pure 'past coming up'. I'm lucky in that their mother knows and understands - she's a good friend. I have apologised to the children a few times over the years and reiterated that the way I reacted had nothing to do with them. They seem to take it in their stride. Their mother thinks they do too. I hope it's the case.

I quoted BB b/c I really do believe as parents/godparents we need to help our families understand it is NOT them, that we love them and try to do our best despite the symptoms we struggle with. 

I know that if my parents had ever said they explained they behaved in certain ways at times because they had suffered trauma it would have meant it wasn't me and that would have mitigated a lot of the inevitable shame, worthlessness, feelings of defectiveness that I felt believing it was me.

A couple of resources that might help: - You thought you were “over it.” Then you had kids of your own, and your childhood abuse was being re-lived through flashbacks and panic attacks. You have been afraid to tell anyone, because you are so scared of what might happen. But you are not alone, and there is help. - Children don't need for parents to be perfect, they need to know they are loved and that you are trying.

I haven't had to deal with this Caoilainn but if it were me a few questions I would ask myself are:

Do I know him well enough to trust him with this information?  (because no doubt you will want to explain how you developed it)

How will I react if he does not understand what is Complex PTSD and the symptoms I live with? (it can be hard to deal with if he invalidates, minimizes what you're dealing with)

How will I feel if he chooses not to carry on with the relationship because of my having Complex PTSD?  (feeling rejected/abandoned are also hard to deal with so you need to be prepared).

Not to be a Debbie Downer, just trying to urge caution.  It may be something to run by your T also.


Discussion About Psychoactive Substances / Re: Psilocybin
« on: June 01, 2020, 05:32:58 PM »
Interesting article about psilocybin I came across today - Get Ready for Pharmaceutical-Grade Magic Mushroom Pills by S. Love, Vice, 27 May 2020.

Interesting article about psilocybin - Get Ready for Pharmaceutical-Grade Magic Mushroom Pills by S. Love, Vice, 27 May 2020.

What is Complex PTSD? / Prevalence of CPTSD
« on: June 01, 2020, 03:12:04 PM »
I came across a 2019 research article when I was working on the CPTSD bibliography about the percentage of people in the USA with Complex PTSD and its an absolutely staggering number:

An estimated 3.8% which for the US population of 331,002,651 = 12,471,600

We all knew the numbers were high but it's still jaw dropping when you see an actual figure.

Reference: "ICD-11 PTSD and Complex PTSD in the United States: A population-based study"

Any research we participate in has the potential to help us down the road so tks TR and Bach  :thumbup: 

General Discussion / Re: I want to hide
« on: May 31, 2020, 05:28:07 PM »
That sense of being pulled back is definitely common OceanStar.  Pete Walker refers to them as emotional flashbacks when we 'regress' to a younger self and the feelings we had then. 

There's also a saying among trauma survivors that captures this:  "I'm not stuck in the past, the past is stuck in me." We have a lot of unprocessed trauma that is not integrated into our self, it's stuck if you will and that's where we go back to under stress/are triggered. 

So perfectly normal for us and it really does take a lot out of you so hope you will take time to rest and let the effects subside.  I used to feel like I was hungover and in fact found out I was in a sense from all the chemicals/hormones released into my body.  Along with reducing stress and getting more rest, I would drink a lot of water to help flush them out.

Hope this helps.  :grouphug:

Sorry to hear you are dealing with being triggered Contessa, but glad you chose to pop in here and talk about it. Knowing there are people here who get it and that you will be received, validated, comforted and supported can be an antidote to spiraling. I'm also glad it's starting to lift :grouphug:

United Kingdom / Scotland - Resilience Learning Partnership
« on: May 29, 2020, 12:55:42 PM »
Resilience Learning Partnership is a: and education provider, specialising in psychological trauma and lived experience. All our educators and trainers have lived experience, as well as the relevant professional experience to deliver such work.  Where members do not have the professional skill set already, we work with them to develop those skills within a project format.

At Resilience Learning Partnership, we specialise in bringing the expertise and knowledge of people with Lived Experience into the training and development of staff within the public, third and private sectors. We do this by tapping into the unique understanding and resource people with Lived Experience bring to our work by feeding it directly into staff training and development.

General Discussion / Re: I want to hide
« on: May 29, 2020, 12:02:28 PM »
I've found that I need space, a lot of it to figure out what I am feeling and why when I am going through an EF.  I used to feel guilty or whatever for needing to but I came to see it as necessary, much like a diabetic needs insulin or someone with a broken leg needs to rest and elevate.

It makes sense that we need to feel safe during an EF because we are more vulnerable, but also to turn down the volume on additional stresses (people, sound, light, etc) so we have the energy to deal with it. 

So FWIW I say hide away if you can and if/when you're up to it post here and/or talk to someone you trust to help process what triggered the EF.


Just 'pinging' this as I've seen some posts leaning in the direction of advice giving.  Instead please make suggestions, share your experiences, give your opinion but try to stay away from statements like "You should/should not  _____________".

Thanks everyone!


Therapy / Re: ISTDP Therapy: Thoughts?
« on: May 29, 2020, 11:24:46 AM »
FWIW I think it's awesome you spoke up GettingThere   :thumbup:      :applause:     

I haven't heard of Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy either but it seems like you're finding it a good fit so far and that's what counts. 

Note:  Accelerated experiential-dynamic psychotherapy (AEDP) is a form of psychotherapy that focuses on healing-oriented techniques and aims to achieve a transformation in client behavior by exploring the in-depth processing of difficult emotional and relational experiences.  See

My name is Shaan McGhie and I am a graduate student in the Graduate School of Arts and Sciences at Harvard University working on a study that seeks to understand daily fluctuations of emotions in people who have experienced a traumatic event. This study has been approved by the Committee on the Use of Human Subjects at Harvard University.

This study will be completed online over the course of two weeks (a couple minutes a day) and participation is completely voluntary. The study involves answering brief questions (1-2mins) through an app multiple times a day.  All people who complete our study can receive up to $25 for participating, and selected participants who complete more than 90% of the surveys will be entered to win one of three $200 amazon gift cards.

 A few important things to know about the study are:

  • Participants must live in the United States
  • All information collected will be kept completely confidential.
  • Participation is voluntary. The link we provide will send you to a website that asks some questions to determine whether you are eligible to participate. If you are eligible, we will provide you with a description of the study and you can decide whether or not you want to participate. Also, if you start to participate and decide you no longer feel comfortable or are no longer interested, you can end your participation without any penalty or punishment.
  • This study will include only trauma survivors fluent in English who are 18+ years old and own a smartphone.
  • We will also provide links to treatment and informational resources throughout the study.

To participate, copy and paste the following URL into your browser search bar:

If you are not interested in participating but you know someone who might be, please feel free to forward this information and the link to the study.

If you have any questions or concerns feel free to contact me at


Tks for this SigNature, I added it in a new section I just developed here -   Love BlueKnot by the way  :thumbup:

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