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AD - Affective Dysregulation (eg Anger, Numbness, Derealization) / Re: I suck at anger
« on: January 17, 2020, 06:10:37 PM »
I hear you RR, me too :yes
Pete Walker has an article that really helps me in which he talks about anger as deep hurt and grief over what we have gone through (or are going through). The basic idea is that "safe angering" helps us to "redirect blame where it belongs" and lets us grieve. Here's the 1st para:
Angering Diminishes Fear and Shame
Angering is the grieving technique of aggressively complaining about current or past losses and injustices. Survivors need to anger - sometime rage - about the intimidation, humiliation or neglect that was passed off to them as nurturance in their childhoods. As they become adept at grieving, they anger out their healthy resentment at their family’s pervasive lack of safety – at the ten thousand betrayals of no-one-to-go-to for guidance or protection, no one to appeal to for fairness or appreciative recognition of their developmental achievements. [My book, The Tao of Fully Feeling, Harvesting Forgiveness Out Of Blame,outlines a safe process for angering out childhood pain in a way that does not hurt the individual or anyone else.] Angering is therapeutic when the survivor rails against childhood trauma, and especially when she rails against its living continuance in the self-hate processes of the critic. Angrily saying “No!” or “Shut Up!” to the critic, the proxy of her parents, externalizes the anger. It stops her from turning her anger against herself, and allows her to revive the lost instinct of defending herself against unjust attack. Moreover, it rescues her from toxic shame, as it reverses Erik Eriksen’s famous equation: “Shame is blame turned against the self.” Angering redirects blame where it belongs.
Pete Walker has an article that really helps me in which he talks about anger as deep hurt and grief over what we have gone through (or are going through). The basic idea is that "safe angering" helps us to "redirect blame where it belongs" and lets us grieve. Here's the 1st para:
Angering Diminishes Fear and Shame
Angering is the grieving technique of aggressively complaining about current or past losses and injustices. Survivors need to anger - sometime rage - about the intimidation, humiliation or neglect that was passed off to them as nurturance in their childhoods. As they become adept at grieving, they anger out their healthy resentment at their family’s pervasive lack of safety – at the ten thousand betrayals of no-one-to-go-to for guidance or protection, no one to appeal to for fairness or appreciative recognition of their developmental achievements. [My book, The Tao of Fully Feeling, Harvesting Forgiveness Out Of Blame,outlines a safe process for angering out childhood pain in a way that does not hurt the individual or anyone else.] Angering is therapeutic when the survivor rails against childhood trauma, and especially when she rails against its living continuance in the self-hate processes of the critic. Angrily saying “No!” or “Shut Up!” to the critic, the proxy of her parents, externalizes the anger. It stops her from turning her anger against herself, and allows her to revive the lost instinct of defending herself against unjust attack. Moreover, it rescues her from toxic shame, as it reverses Erik Eriksen’s famous equation: “Shame is blame turned against the self.” Angering redirects blame where it belongs.
and a good book BB. When I get the "stress flu" (great term!) rest and less stress are what seem to bring it down. 
and 
Anyway, good show if you're looking for something to watch. 