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Messages - Kizzie

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Hello and a warm welcome to OOTS Witness   :heythere:  I agree with BK that its a big step you have been able to see/feel the enmeshment for what it is versus the care/love it's often described as by those trying to keep you in the family/group.  Scary, lonely but also freeing, that's the mixed bag of detaching from those who would keep you in your prescribed role.  It's like you can breathe finally, or at least that's what it's been like for me. I hope it comes to that for you also  :hug:  A lot of us here have been through a similar journey so there's lots of support and encouragement  :grouphug:

2
Introductory Post / Re: Been lurking for quite a while.
« on: July 21, 2021, 04:18:14 PM »
HI and a warm welcome to OOTS Chamomile  :heythere:   Glad you decided to post and I hope our retro style will continue to be comforting  ;D 

So sorry for all that you have endured in terms of relational abuse, it's always hard to know there are so many of us out there who have gone through horrible things most often at the hands of people who should have kept us safe.   :grouphug:

3
United Kingdom / UK - Womens Aid
« on: July 20, 2021, 04:24:58 PM »
Womens Aid

Womenís Aid is a grassroots federation working together to provide life-saving services in England and build a future where domestic abuse is not tolerated. Services in Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland are operated by our sister federations.




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I also want to welcome you to OOTS mgn2021.   :heythere:   I'm sorry for all that you have gone through and continue to struggle with. 

Along with your friend, H and therapist, I hope being here is another source of insight, support and encouragement for you as you work on recovering/healing.   :grouphug:

5
General Discussion / Re: Big T vs Little T Trauma
« on: July 17, 2021, 05:27:47 PM »
Quote
"Trauma is a fundamental feeling of threat. Itís a perceived lack of safety. And itís different for everyone. Trauma is more about the impact than the cause; itís about how the trauma is ďrememberedĒ in the body. It is not up to us to judge, or quantify or size up the impact of someoneís trauma. The only person who can do that is the person who feels it."

This is from BluePalm's post in the first post at the top of the thread. I think personal perception of trauma is key, but I also think it's important to understand that we do all share the same core wound because no matter the type of RT, our self undergoes ongoing attack. 

RT is life threatening not just physically (threat of killing or badly injuring the body), but for all forms of RT it is psychological (threat of killing or badly injuring the soul). It can range from covert N abuse to overt physical abuse, but if it results in the shared symptoms of CPTSD it is all Big T imo.

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There's nothing more you need to say, how you feel is coming through loud and clear.  Tks :hug:

 

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The Cafe / Re: Lovely & Sweet Book
« on: July 17, 2021, 04:59:25 PM »
I love it because it's not directly about trauma or daily inspirational quotes or the like, it's just sweet and charming and lovely.  Highly recommend if you're looking for a gift for yourself or someone special  :yes:

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The Cafe / Just a Cool Video
« on: July 16, 2021, 05:34:54 PM »
Looks like something out of a movie - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-4Lkfeqnug

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TW - May be triggering for some. 

Womanís Children Remember the Night Their Dad Killed HerJennifer Magnano was killed by her husband Scott Magnano in 2007 at their Connecticut home after years of physical and emotional abuse, including coercive control. The murder was witnessed by two of her three children. Now they're all fighting to get a law titled Jenniferís Law passed in her name. The law seeks to include coercive control in the definition of abuse in the court system in order to protect women and children.

The coercive control law was passed in Jun 2021. 

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Announcements / Banning Members; Trolls
« on: July 16, 2021, 04:57:08 PM »
I had to make the difficult decision to ban a member today because they frightened another member in PMs and was starting to make inappropriate/questionable posts here. Please know I do not do this lightly but have dealt with this kind of issue since 2014 and have learned to trust my decisions.

Sometimes it is a member who may appear supportive and friendly but starts to show who they really are as time goes on and that is what has happened in this case.  This member may or may not have been a troll but they exist on the Internet and they often take the approach of being really friendly.  Once members start to like them and relax around them they then start subtly disrupting the board and pushing boundaries & guidelines, seeing how far they can take things and what they can get away with. (Lots of vids and docs about trolls but here's a good one - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NDACegAYuso.)

This may or may not have been the case with this particular member but for everyone's safety I have enough concern to ban them.

Kizzie

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Recovery Journals / Re: A Safe Place To Be Visible
« on: July 16, 2021, 04:39:10 PM »
Sending hugs Bach  :hug: :hug: :hug: and care that you will come out of this soon.  It's really tough we know but we are here and we truly do care  :grouphug:

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I am pinging this to remind all members of this guideline which is in place to help keep everyone safe.  Sadly we don't know who is who on the internet and there are those we definitely don't want to engage with and give out any personal information about ourselves (which is why we are anonymous). 

I had to make the difficult decision to ban a member today because they frightened another member in PMs and was starting to make inappropriate/questionable posts here. Please know I do not do this lightly but have dealt with this kind of issue since 2014 and have learned to trust my decisions.

Sometimes it is a member who may appear supportive and friendly but starts to show who they really are as time goes on and that is what has happened in this case.  This member may or may not have been a troll but they exist on the Internet and they often take the approach of being really friendly.  Once members start to like them and relax around them they then start subtly disrupting the board and pushing boundaries & guidelines, seeing how far they can take things and what they can get away with. (Lots of vids and docs about trolls but here's a good one - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NDACegAYuso.)

This may or may not have been the case with this particular member but for everyone's safety I have enough concern to ban them. 

Kizzie

13
Really sorry to hear this Renaissance.   :hug:   :hug:   :hug:  If you would like a hand searching for social housing/services/supports where you live please PM me (I will not reveal where you live to anyone), I'd be happy to help.   :yes:

14
Introductory Post / Re: hello (new member intro)
« on: July 12, 2021, 04:48:03 PM »
Hi and a very warm welcome to OOTS Misty  :heythere: 

Like all of us it sounds like you've been through a lot and I really hope you find info, support and even comfort being a part of this community.   :grouphug:

15
Friends / Re: Dropping Everyone Like Flies
« on: July 12, 2021, 04:44:50 PM »
My S actually went/is going thru something similar at the moment and he did what you did, opened up with the friend he wants to keep while not engaging with the person who is a drama guy. It has helped he and his friend to have a more authentic, closer relationship.   :thumbup:    :applause:  to you both, it's not easy to take the risk as we all know here.

Hope you are able to work out the other situation!


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