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Thanks so much for the support sanmagic7 and Hazy111.

As is probably to be expected some days are better than others but the overall trend seems to be positive. I do sometimes have nightmares about things related to the recent drama but not anything that seems to impact my waking life.  I'm eating and sleeping better and making it to work fine. I actually think work is helping me by keeping me busy and interacting with other people. I'm just focusing on baby steps right now.

Hazy, I did leave the other place around the end of December or beginning of January. I know it was the right decision and with everything that's happened there is no way I would have had time for it anyhow. I'm so glad I crossed paths with you there though and learned about this site!

Thanks sanmagic7 and hazy111. Sorry you're dealing with overwhelming family issues too hazy. I've been offline for the last month. I started working full-time again probably 5-6 weeks ago out of necessity and it's been fine. One thing positive I can say about this whole situation is that I've become very empowered. I feel quite capable and I'm sort of proud of myself for the way I have handled everything. I didn't get down on myself or blame myself and I feel I have been able to look at everything pretty objectively. I sort of get why it happened but that doesn't make it ok if that makes sense.
One thing that happened that was very enlightening was talking to my mom on the phone a few weeks ago. Just when I could have used some understanding or kind words all I got from her was negativity. Finally I just ended the call by telling her I had to get back into work. No wonder I have issues... She is obviously older than me and has dealt with infidelity herself and all she could manage to do was gripe and complain. You would think a person who has lived through it could manage to show a bit of understanding.
Oh well, I suppose some people never change or even realize they might need to explore their own issues. On the one hand I feel pretty alone in the world right now but on the other I feel I've really stepped up for myself which is fantastic!

That means so much sanmagic7.

Yesterday I ran into my neighbor and we have made plans to start walking together after work. I'm really excited. I've started doing  other things to take care of me which feels nice. Today I woke up feeling more hopeful than I have in quite sometime. I realize I will still grieve but it's nice to have some hope and positive emotions in the mix too.

I just have to get some things off my chest. I don't know this man at all anymore. I don't know what he is hiding in the office but it's highly disturbing. It's either drugs (I suspect he is continuing to use cocaine) or if he is up to no good with financial records. He might also not want me to have access to our computer for some reason. I had hoped we could split in a civilized manner but now I highly doubt that can happen. I just started working full-time last week and it's getting real old real quick to have to put up with his drama and dishonesty and keep up my performance at work. I guess I'm just going to have to ignore him tonight and call a locksmith while he is at work. I can't believe all of this has happened the way it has. I suppose I'll eventually calm down and get over it but it's just crazy that this is my life right now and there is a new crisis related to him nearly everyday for close to two months. 

Thanks again sanmagic7.

I can't wait for him to leave. I got home from work and was getting the trash cans throughout the house emptied for tomorrow's pick up and when I tried to get in the room that's our home office it was locked!!! He is up to no good as usual.

You're so right about boundaries sanmagic7. I'm still learning but I think I'm getting better.
The last three days I've done better eating and sleeping so that's positive. I can tell I'm still grieving but I'm sure that is normal.

Oh my sanmagic7, how right you are! He asked me if I wanted to go go watch the super bowl with him tonight to which is said "absolutely Not and you were supposed to be moved out by now" which was followed by a bunch of excuses. I think he is in complete denial. I'm going to give him a date that's real soon that I expected him to be moved out by as you suggest! Thanks a million.

Thanks for the virtual flowers sanmagic7! Here are some fireworks for you for being such a huge help to me through all of this! 

I just got home and H isn't here but it doesn't look like he has moved out either. I should have known it wouldn't be easy. I suppose I will ask him when he is moving when I see him next. On Wednesday night he said he needed a couple of days so I think I've given him long enough. He has plenty of family and friends he could stay with but all of my family is 2-3 hours away.

Those words were such a comfort , more than you know, sanmagic7.
I'm visiting my parents right now and even though it's a bit triggering it's good to be away while he is hopefully moving out. I haven't heard from him which is good. I'm going to try going no contact and if he needs to discuss business about selling the house and related stuff I've asked my brother to be our intermediary. We work for the same company so I'm going to try to find someone to be an intermediary there too. Thursday after we decided to separate he texted me about how sorry he was for hurting me and I asked him to keep it all business. Yesterday he asked when I was leaving to see my parents and when I asked why he wanted to know he replied that he was going to see if I wanted to have dinner with him. I just think no contact would be best because all I have the strength for right now is to hold down my full time job and take care of myself. I'm all drama'd out! It been nice to get away.

please excuse me while I record some uncomfortable feelings. I'm mad and sad that the other woman gets to keep her husband, her home and her pets while I've basically lost everything. My whole house is tainted besides this one tiny room that I'm sure they didn't go in for their sordid affair. Once my house sells I will not be able to keep my dogs because I'm sure I will be in an apartment. I don't even know where I will live but I'm moving away from this city because I have no family here. I don't even feel comfortable keeping most of the furniture because they talked about their 'lovemaking' in my living room! Ok I'm done for now.
I'm ready to get back on track with my life and self care.

I just want to record the facts here so if and when the hoovering starts back up I will be sure to remember.
1. He had a six month long emotional and physical affair.
2. He lied and deceived me the whole time.
3. He continued to lie when he was caught
4. He acted like I was crazy and paranoid
5. He belittled me repeatedly
6. He left me just when I needed him most (that's a song too)!
7. He had another person in my bed, told her he loved her,  made fun of me and said he didn't care if I came home and caught them.
8. He spent our household money on drugs and alcohol when he was with he behind my back.
9. He continued to blame me throughout.
10. He has been disrespectful and emotionally abusive.

I'm sure I will think of more but that's a good start.

  how would I have gotten through this mess without you and others here? It's so comforting to have a safe place to talk over this crazy making drama.

I already feel better. He texted me today saying he was sorry for hurting me and I just replied something like "I know but we need to keep it all business from now on."

My adult daughter is proud of how well I'm handling everything and I'm glad to be setting a good example for her!

H and I mutually agreed last night that he will move out. He pulled it again where he said he would be home at 8p.m. and he did come home but was hanging out with his brother smoking pot and drinking until 9:30. I'm embarrassed to admit the number of chances I've given that man and he literally doesn't even try to change. Despite sometimes using the ' right words' his actions speak of total disregard for me and our marriage. I let him suck me back in after he slept with another person in our bed and he still continued to lie. Of course he says it's because he didn't want to hurt me further but the lies are just as hurtful (if not more so) than the infidelity.

You're the best sanmagic7.

He's hoovering me back in but I'm at least out of the fog enough to see it I suppose.
So the Monday morning after I exposed the affair to the other woman's husband and told him about the audio recording he made a sudden 180. The night before he was literally going to go see her on her side of town and asked me if I would pick him up if there was any trouble! I said there was no way I'd be bailing him out of anything to do with his girlfriend. He ended up tagging along with me to go get some dinner and the whole time was saying rude stuff about how I taught him everything he knows about deception. I gave him a chance to come clean about the drugs but he lied some more.
So he called her to break up nine days ago and literally spent an hour on the phone with her. Seriously. Then I found out this weekend from the other woman's husband that back in November when my husband was on a business trip the girlfriend went and stayed with him at the hotel and she lied to her husband saying she had to go out of town for work. It was right around my birthday and he was 'too sick' when he got home to do anything with me. I asked him twice this weekend if he was with her on the business trip and he blatantly lied again. He finally admitted the truth two days ago. Tonight he made some dumb comment that I didn't really have evidence besides a parking ticket that they were together on that trip. I'm so at a loss right now. I do think it's safe to say I'm dealing with someone who is extremely ill. I know what I need to do and now I just have to muster the strength to kick him out and change the locks. What a mess. Wish me strength everyone. I'm sure I'm dealing with a pure narcissist at this point.

I left a voice activated recorder in my bedroom when I went out of town and got hours worth of disturbing and disgusting evidence. They have been meeting at her house and hotels just as I suspected. They were telling each other how much they loved and missed each other blah, blah, blah. They were high on cocaine Friday night.
I reached out to the other woman's husband today because I thought he deserved to know. He confronted his wife and she told him I was crazy and paranoid. I'm sure she is calling my stbx husband about this!
My goodness, that man is trying to destroy himself and everything around him. It's very sad. I don't even know him anymore.