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Messages - Cocobird

#1
Physical Issues / Re: Twitching and convulsions
July 05, 2016, 02:59:29 AM
i have twitches and shakes when i feel threatened. Doesn't happen often anymore.
#2
i definitely have a routine. i get up, read email, work (i'm a tarot reader for a website. Then i take a book and go out for lunch. When i get back, i clean up a little. At night i watch TV.

The downside is that when someone or something causes me to change my routine, i sometimes have a panic attack. i miss the safety of knowing what to do next.
#3
Frustrated? Set Backs? / Re: Setback
June 26, 2016, 06:59:49 PM
Thanks! Unfortunately, after doing all of those things, i did nothing for two days and felt miserable. i need to keep telling myself that any progress is good, and i'm much better than i was a year ago.
#4
Frustrated? Set Backs? / Setback
June 26, 2016, 01:20:37 AM
i thought i was doing really well.  i went swimming, did some work on my apartment, and planned to join a gym. i decided i was getting my old life back.

After a couple of days of feeling depressed and doing nothing, i realized i had done it again. Tried to convince myself i was cured. The truth is, i'm not getting my old life back. i can make progress and improve, but i still need to take things a little bit at a time. if i try to do too much, i get in trouble.
#5
i think it's important for me to realize that i was a victim -- a child of abusive adults who didn't take care of me. Once i admitted that, i could stop blaming myself for what happened. it was not my fault.

Once i got past that, i began to think of myself as a survivor.
#6
Successes, Progress? / Definite improvement
June 21, 2016, 04:47:46 PM
  My PTSD was diagnosed about three years ago. it was because of many things, beginning with an abusive childhood.

One of the symptoms i hated most was losing interest in things i used to love. Swimming had always been a passion of mine -- couldn't wait for summer so i could swim, and went swimming every day.

For a long time -- years -- i didn't swim. Didn't see the point of doing that, and just didn't want to. This bothered me.

Yesterday, i went swimming for the first time in three years. The water felt wonderful, and i loved being in the pool. For me, this is real progress. i'm slowly getting my life back.
#7
General Discussion / Re: Whom have you told?
March 26, 2016, 09:04:57 PM
When i was first diagnosed, i told quite a few people. And some of them were fine. Others pretty much stopped talking to me. And that was fine.

My daughter has been supportive, and that's wonderful.
#8
General Discussion / Jury Duty
February 06, 2016, 04:35:33 AM
I got a notice for Jury Duty last year. I lost it and emailed Jury Services to find out my account number.  At the same time, I requested to be disqualified because of my PTSD. I just can't imagine being able to do that and gave them several reasons.
Earlier this week, I got a notice telling me I did not show up and gave me a phone number to call. I couldn't get passed the IVR -- it didn't give me enough time to key in the information they were asking for.

Using my account number, I wrote to them again, sending them a copy of my original email and some of my symptoms. Today I got an email back, telling me they were rejecting my request, and to schedule a new date when I would be available.

Help! I just can't do it. It's kind of far, and I don't drive freeways. Just thinking about it triggers all kinds of emotions.

What can I do! Do you think having my therapist send them a letter would help?

Thanks!
#9
General Discussion / Re: Physical Ailments with CPTSD
February 05, 2016, 07:11:50 PM
I've fallen a couple of times recently, which has been very painful. It's hard to get things done, and then I start criticizing myself. All of this has caused a PTSD relapse, and I generally feel awful. I know this pain will clear up. Any suggestions to help me through this grim period?

Thanks!
#10
Other / Re: Skin picking
February 05, 2016, 07:05:13 PM
I have been doing this for a while. I mainly pick at my scalp, under my hair where it won't show. My therapist told me this is OCD behavior.
#11
General Discussion / Minor Relapse
January 30, 2016, 07:42:13 AM
I fell about a week ago, and bruised my ribs and my face was black and blue. The doctor said it would take a while to heal. I took lots of Advil for the pain. Bad idea. My GERD flared up, and my asthma was getting bad. So I did some research and found that these are common side effcts. The next day I bought Tylenol. Stomach has calmed down, but asthma symptoms continue. Just congested when I try to do much of anything -- no wheezing. I guess I'll have to wait it out.

In the meantime, all kinds of things are triggering me. The book club book bothered me a lot, so I decided, after some nasty dreams, to return the book and not go to the discussion.

Last night I had a very weird dream about my ex. When I woke up, i I worked myself up about the rotten things he had done.  I did get out. It was five in the morning, but I knew that staying in bed and getting more stressed wasn't a good idea. So I got up and did some other things around the house. Woke up again at 9. I haven't had triggers like that for a long time. And my house is a disaster, since I can't clean and that bothers me.

This too will pass. Thanks for listening.
#12
Anxiety / Panic Attack
January 04, 2016, 03:40:11 AM
I had a nasty fall a few days ago, and I've been down on myself for not being able to do more. My apartment is a disaster. Yesterday I had to buy parrot food, but I needed to take some asthma medication first. While I was waiting for it to start working, I finally opened the benefits package from my insurance company. They have raised the prescription deductible to $360. I freaked. I'd saved $300 for it, but I had to use that to get my car fixed. I kept thinking -- how am I going to get the money for this?

I got to the bird store okay, and felt kind of out of it when I was waiting in line. Then I went to Denny's for lunch and read. But  once I stopped reading, my breathing got bad, my hands were shaking and I was terrified. All I knew was that I needed to go home. Driving home was a challenge, but after I sat down for a while it all went away.

Any panic attack suggestions? I haven't had one in over a year.
#13
I've always felt like an imposter -- a lot. I think the worst time was when I was working in a corporate environment, where I had to be careful. Any time I said something real -- a lot of people gave me very funny looks.
#14
I reminded myself that I am functioning and feeling better. Sometimes it just doesn't feel like it.
#15
The Cafe / Re: Today I feel ..... (Part 2)
December 29, 2015, 10:18:53 PM
I feel anxious. I thought the holiday season was over, but my daughter invited me to hang out for a while on New Years Eve with Tom's family. I can't drive after dark, so it seems kind of silly. I am still decided what to do.