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I can relate, professionals I have seen say my sister fits borderline to a T.  Yet, I think it is the willingness to get help and move forward that counts.  I feel it is an illness that can be treated as long as the person is willing to get what they need.  My sister is not willing to work on herself because the problem is with everyone else.  For this reason I am working on distancing and planning my move.

Thank you for your reply,

You hit the nail on the head with pointing out that "she is not willing to work on herself because the problem is with everything else." Good job for focusing on yourself and planning your move- I have been doing the same. Stay strong!

I do the same!

My sister has borderline and...

She is honestly starting to scare me. The way she looks at me with those eyes and stomps around the house. The way she is 30 and talks to my parents as if she is their little baby. The way she kisses me on the head before she leaves and treats me like a baby even though I am 21. I swear, ever since she has been visiting for the summer (she is a professor so she has summers off) I have been on edge, because I am waiting for the moment that she snaps, goes hysterical, or blames me for something I didn't do. It's making me really depressed, like I have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning lately cause I hear her voice in the kitchen and it's so piercing and I am so scared! Agh....

I really just needed to share that...anyone who can relate, please post it would be really appreciated right now

xx shosh

Yes, definitely. 

But I do it one step at a time though. Maybe because my mother is extremelly neurotic, I deal well with situations of stress and try not to overwhelm myself. But when I do get overwhelmed, I take a deep breath and think "Baby steps, one foot at a time"

Since you're starting over at a new place and everything, maybe look for a routine you really like. Go for coffee at a certain place, eat something that makes you feel good, cook for yourself at dinner, look for good recipes, etc. Pamper yourself.

I love this, such good advice

[let it all in]

Run a bath
Fill it with epsom salt, bubbles, your favorite smelling soap...etc
Close your eyes
*OR just lie down and relax in a comfy chair or bed
Put on a love song. (The Only Exception by Paramore is one that I like)

Instead of thinking about a time you were heartbroken, or even your current partner, think about yourself. Take all that love and passion that the singer is singing and let it all in. Hug yourself and sit in awe of the love you are showing yourself by attempting to recover from the trauma that occupies your mind day and night. Appreciate that unconditional love and forgiveness you are showing to yourself.

It is a tool that I have been using since I was a teen and it helps me fill that loss of love that my father failed to show me.

If you are hesitant to try something like this out of fear of being too vulnerable with yourself, refer to the quote below.

"If you are truly strong, there is little need to emphasize it to yourself and others. Best to take another track entirely and direct your attention where you fear most to look. You can do this by allowing yourself to feel, even to cry, to not have to have opinions about everything, to not appear invisible or unfeeling to others, but instead to be in touch with and appropriately open about your feelings. What looks like weakness is actually where your strength lies. And what looks like strength is often weakness, an attempt to cover up the fear; this is an act or facade, however convincing it might appear to others or even to yourself." -Jon Kabat-Zinn

xx

[actually my friends and my boyfriend, not just distant people I spend all my time with.]

Wow... after reading the link that  Kizzie posted about shrinking the outer critic I think my mind is blown...

I have friends and an amazing boyfriend but a part of me doesn't really feel comfortable or feel really connected to them....the "thought substitution" part seems like an amazing activity to try to help me feel like they are actually my friends and my boyfriend, not just distant people I spend all my time with.

Whew, thank you for posting i'm gonna go rethink my entire life now (haha)

xo -Shoshie

[It's time to work a little harder.]

Dear Slipping,

It sounds like you are feeling regretful when you said, "I lost my chance 2 years ago", which I realize is probably a horrible feeling, but you have to be there for yourself. Look inward at that horrible feeling and care for yourself, do nice things for yourself, and heal yourself. You have the ability to do it!! Just start small. Get to know yourself again. Make slow and gradual efforts to heal your pain and get back up. The fact that you can sit down with yourself and type all of that out shows how strong of a person you are for admitting to how you are feeling deep down. You are further into recovery that you probably realize.

And, if it helps, while reading what you wrote I can relate almost to a T. My dad is really narcissistic/crazy/out of damn mind, if you will, and my older sister has BPD. I grew up being emotionally abused by both of them. Around 19 was when I started realizing how much they affected me and I started dating abusive people. Then I got really bad (I was self harming thinking of suicide) and went to a counselor. I was so sure that I had BPD and told her about how sure I am that I have it. She almost laughed and told me "You do not have BPD." She also told me that I am a very warm and empathic person, and that I would even make a great counselor. I was told I only have 'severe depression" but I know that its more complex than that...after being on this site I see how I have a lot of the symptoms of C-PTSD.

Anyways, year went by and I started doing all this self care and I was doing so much better for that whole year. Then I met this guy who seemed charming at fist, but before long he was gaslighting me and emotionally abusing me. When i finally had it in my to break up with him he threatened suicide and doing scary stuff and I had to move out of my apartment because I didn't want him to know where I lived anymore. He even lied about having genital herpes and gave it to me, which makes me regret him even more. Im like 110% sure that he ACTUALLY had BPD, not me. Just as everything was going right, I got the rug pulled out from under me and my world collapsed again.

But here I am. Having yet another catastrophe (abusive boyfriend, herpes and all) just made me work harder at taking care of myself. I do yoga and meditation now. I eat healthier. I exercise. Im taking baby steps, I have been looking for opportunities to engage in the world around me through school and hobbies, and I am even beginning to actively seek out people I am interested in rather than let people come to me all the time.

Please, take care of yourself, and use this set back as a wakeup call. This doesn't mean your life is over, it just means that It's time to work a little harder.

xo Shoshie

[confused]

What a great thread with great responses...spreading my love to all of you:

My oldest sister has BPD (I suspect as a result of nature and nurture)  and I have been to counseling and *begged* my counselor to tell me whether or not I have it too and she almost laughed and said "You do not have BPD." She even told me that I am very empathic and I would actually make a great counselor.

"Are you joking?" I thought... It's so weird. On the inside I am so sure that there is something severely wrong with me and everyone can tell. I self harm sometimes, I am afraid of people sometimes to the point where I have to lock myself the nearest bathroom and have a panic attack, I have depression and anxiety, I have dissociated during sex, I have a history of being with abusive boyfriends....but she told me that I seem like a very strong, warm, and likable person.

Its really weird..I was even runner up for prom queen in high school. People seem to not notice anything wrong with me at all...I have had people single me out and tell me how great of a person I am. What other people see in my DOES NOT MATCH what I see.

I haven't been officially diagnosed with C-PTSD but I STRONGLY identify with all the symptoms. I think because I grew up with a sister who has BPD who emotionally abused me for so long, my C-PTSD comes from the fact that I am on the abusive end of my sister's BPD.

So, I really don't see how someone could make BPD and C-PTSD same diagnosis. I hope this doesn't offend anyone, but I think BPD individuals are more likely to be abusive, while C-PTSD individuals are not.

We are very sensitive, very insecure, very down on ourselves, very confused about how to get on in this world. We are afraid, lonely, isolated, and we feel misunderstood. Our depression and anxiety might make us unreliable or neglectful sometimes in our relationships, and we might shy away from people a lot,

but we are not overtly abusive like BPD individuals have the tendency to be.

Does anyone else agree? I am a Psychology major in my undergrad, so obviously I am not credible, just speaking from observation.

Thanks for reading

xo

I hear you...

I have a neglectful dad and my older sister has borderline personality disorder...

I dissociate during sex sometimes and it's hard for me to snap out of it when that happens.

I rarely climax during sex but I just keep trying different things till I do.

Don't give up

Xx

I am an extrovert...it's very difficult, because I end up in abusive friendships again and again....I let people take advantage of me.

Also I was runner up for prom queen and I recall thinking "what the *, people actually like me?"

It's like I am a people pleaser who assumes everyone hates me...

I am realizing that I just accept the first people who want to be friends with me or want to date me, since I don't ever think I can do better.

What I ought to start doing is actively seeking out people who I feel seem like good candidates for fiends and be the one to initiate.

Xx

Okay. So I have had both suicidal thoughts and I have self harmed during panic attacks. (I was neglected by my father and my older sister has BPD)

To cope I punch things like my pillow. I listen to music and dance. I do yoga. Meditation helps.

If I am in public I go to a bathroom stall and breathe for a moment.

But as you I know....sometimes nothing helps. And the thoughts get overwhelming. At these times I lay down under my covers and "detatch." This is actually encouraged in meditation and it's kindof like just sitting with yourself, deep breathing, and existing in the world. I look out my window and just exist. It's kindof existential but it helps me so much. It's kindof like being at peace with my dark place and accepting it.

Remember, these thoughts are like a storm. They pass. When the sun starts to come out chase that feeling. Run towards it. Get back up and keep going.

No matter what always remember that feeling pass. Once I truly understood this I have been able to cope with my internal storms.

Xx

I am 21 yr old college student who was neglected by my father and my older sister has BPD. I am also still recovering from abusive relationships in my life.

When I have nothing going on, or have a night with no plans my mind will go straight to self harm...even though I have done so much self care and am in such a better place, my mind ruminates on self and harm and thinking "I'm nothing" or "no one likes me"

It's so rediculus! Especially because I know that I am a great person! And that it's not true! But that inner critic keeps coming up...

Just wanted to share because this is what I'm going through right now. Usually I just brush it off, but I want to know if anyone else can relate. This website it so encouraging and I am so happy I found all of you.

Thank you for reading. Spreading my love to all of you. We can do this.

YES oh my goodness yes.

It is relieving to even hear you say that. I was neglected by my father and my older sister has borderline PD so I grew up in a toxic home. Just this past year I get out of a horribly abusive relationship too which caused even more trauma.

I have been doing a lot better, but just last month I was having a panic attack at home in my room and it turned into a screaming fit. Like bloody murderish sounding screaming. It was scary, but afterwards I felt so much better.

I told myself "That will be the last time you cry so hard about all this"

It was almost empowering because I felt like I let out my rage in a positive way.

Youre not alone. You have been through trauma. It is healthier to cry and scream than hold it all in. Allow your body to do its thing.

xx