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The inner child is a term used to describe the emotional needs of you when you were little that sadly, went unmet by your caretakers and pop up today to remind you that you need to nurture yourself at that age. Meaning that you need to look at what you endured and what you deeply longed for at the ages you were abused. I got this concept early in my recovery reading an ancient book called the inner child by a pioneer in the field, Dr. Charles Whitfield. It was so illuminating that even though i was near the beginning of my recovery everything rang true on a deeply feeling level as well as an intellectual level.
Once you understand what it is that you needed that you did not get during your childhood which is first and foremost, love, joy, and safety. You will explore what you liked as a child and what you can DO to make yourself feel safe by doing some of the things that made you happy at that age.
This is pretty succinct so i hope it helps you.

This post is beautiful and lyrical thank you Woodsgbome
What a Yuge-just kidding- gigantic step for you and your younger emotional self-
I don't think you need twitter as a platform, i really enjoyed reading this interesting deeply connective post. The more you make your emotionsl self-all of you-birth to however old you are now-happy-the healthier you become. Ain't healing grand when it isn't filked with pain? Though pain is necessary i prefer the times i am nurturing and fullfilling my passions which calms my nervous system.
Today i saw so many sea creatures it was amazing. I climbed on the cliffs by the ocean out to the rocks where the cormorants dry there wings and saw so many creatures it was amazing. I will modify this post this once i have accurately discerned the snake variety i saw among ng others.
I think yo found the secret which is to see that your connection to nature will heal you.
I an an aethete  nature is breathtakingly beautiful, especially the seascapes.
I am not in nature - writing mode when i post on these forums-i give myself a break from work. Suffice to say that i am overwhelmed by the beauty of the myriad creatures that populate this Earth. They love me and feed my soul. The gull glides above the cliffs enjoying the the beauty of the seascape below with its cliffs jutting into the sea and brilliantly striated rocks, as i do sitting upon them. It's amazing and at the same time like the gull offers me new perspective on the drama of the narcissist in my life.

Hello.
I was abused by my adult sister ten years my senior beginning when i was two from memory but probably earlier. She was so psychologically violent that to this day I have been unable to trust anyone. I suffer insomnia and deep grief and anger. My mother told me at 4 she was "done"  raising her kids so she basically abandoned me except when my adult sibling abuser and psychopath engaged her in abusing me too. The time my mother said that was the psychopath's my sisters worst abuse my mother could no longer deal with the monster that is my sister and do she certainly couldn't take care of a baby.
My father worked until 8pm and drank because of the dysfunctional abuse by my adult sibling abuser and mother screaming for her to behave.
My sister was born without empathy so she faked it for certain non-nuclear family members and in front of those outside the family to get attention. She played  the "good grandaughter and big sister" in front of her friends and my grandpatents and behind closed doors she did evil things to me. My father often called her off of me when she pretended to "tickle" me and i was screaming in pain.
She used to say the cruelest things to me and then tell me she was being nice to me-Crazy!

The emotional abuse was constant and insidious. There were constant comments to degrade me passive aggressive cruel things she said taunting me constantly and making fun of me while i was developing and she was fifteen to 27 years old!!! 
The reality is I was a pretty and very giving little girl whom my father favored and I was noticed and beloved by everyone in the neighborhood, her and my middle sister's friends, neighbors and she hated me for this.
She systematically took the time to denigrate me with viciousness in the form of character assasination when i was FIVE until 18 when i expelked her from my life. Then she did it behind my back.  every chance she could and every single day after school as I was a latchkey child. She called me an ugly kid, she said kids who are cute when they are little aren't when they grow up. I had a cute little nose and she relentlessly made fun of it to the point that i got body dysmorphia. She hit me every day after school terrorizing me and scaring me so that i was hypervigilent making sure no one else at school would hurt me and degrade me like she did.
She told me at five that I was responsible for my grandfather's heart attack how was i to believe anything else? My mother abandoned me she took advantage being a female psychopath of my defenslessness and love for her as my big sister.
She told me from the time I was three that I was "the bad seed".
This is what psychopaths do;they project themselves and their sick twisted minds and behavior onto the victims they torture.
Part of me believed her because "why would my big sister who tells me how good she is lie to me?" i was accepted to a modelling agency at five and they told her "don't call us we'll call you."  I modelled my whole life until a few years ago when i began writing about my travels.
This is the first time I have reached out to a forum and told the truth about my psychopathic adult sister abuser.  She is a psychopath and she harmed me in every way.
I stopped eating at six and did not grow physically for a period of ten years when we finally moved away and i got away from her. I built self-esteem all the boys noticed me.
She violated all of my boundaries making fun of all my thoughts and interests and ideas. She said only weird boys liked me. She would say "(cousin's name) moon (cousin's name) stars"  about my overweight and culturally non-attractive cousin three years younger then she would say my name and say "eww. " she consistently criticized my appearance every character trait and behavior mocking me viciously and laughing at me. SHE WAS AN ADULT AND I WAS A YOUNG CHILD.  It was a nightmare froM which i still suffer insomnia and the inability until now hopefully  to trust anyone. She was scathingly cruel and used the psychology she learned at school to harm me with her words even worse labeling  with all of these now ridiculous things i never had but she made me such a nervous child i bit my nails ground my teeth and had migraines and nosebleeds from the chronic stress of having to hide what was being done to me by an adult when i was a little girl.
One day though there appeared to be a glimmer of hope. She locked me in a room again and wouldn't open the door she had slammed  so tightly. She had to call the superintendent to come up and open it  i was friends with his son and daughter and when he came up he found hand prints and nail marks where my sister had grabbed me and he screamed at her saying"you are an adult woman she is your baby sister are you crazy?! What are you doing?!! "what is the matter with you if you Ever do this again I am calling your father!"  he took me downstairs to be with his family. I was shaking from fear. A few times i peed in my pants because of her psychopathic abuse.
She told me i was the worst and did not deserve to live.
She repeatedly beat me and degrade me treating me like a slave from age five until 14 and told me she would kill me if i told our parents.
She enlisted other family members through her mask in her abuse-two adult uncles.
Now i know thay all the anger i feel towards politicos who abuse their power and those who pretend to be what they are not and Lie to people bother me so because of the torture by psychopath  that  i have survived.
I am a very happy person now creative and joyful since retaining an attorney to protect myself and keep her out of my life. It turns out that psychopaths have no boundaries and though i thought i expelled her from my life at 18 as late as 2012 she was still interfering in it. I was horrified as you can imagine to learn this do i got an attorney to ensure she would not enter my life again or she would be disturbing my right to a peaceful life.
I made it a point to go to san francisco where she once lived up until 2007 to obtain affidavits of firmer neighbors who stated she was an abusive person relentlessly abusing her husband-an orphan at 14 and her next perfect victim.  It was so bad someone called the police and three years after the fact of her move to new york these people were STILL discussing her psychopathic behavior
Armed with these affidavits i entered my attorneys office and drafted a letter stating that if she involve herself further in ANY way in my life we would take her to court present the evidence and her children could be taken.
I welcome any positive support in ny telling my story of torture by my adult sibling abuser, who is a psychopath.
I am learning to trust people again and i see they are not out to harm me brutally as my adult sister did.
Thank you.

When you feel and have compassion for yourself recognizing what was done to you, you will cry. Sometimes it feels the crying will never end. In 2013 i cried so much and deeply and for so long, for months on end.  it was so cleansing. I realised the full weight of what had been done to me as a little girl by an adult a DECADE older and by other ADULTS fooled by the deviant.

Yes disordered people project their blame onto people but in private. They do not do it publicly. Publicly  they say they love the person and that they wish the best for this person. Personality disordered people are dishonest. They are not forthcoming. They would never say"please don't let me project ". Don't be manipulated by a covert narcissist.

I had 50kids at my six yr old birthday party the whole neighborhood loved me. I was extremely social  and popular. My jealous eldest sibling 10 years older ritually narcissistically abused me and i became avoidant of social situations because i have been afraid ever since that i would be terrorized. But No ithink you are confused with projection of the narcissist versus projection of a situation.
It is normal to project a situation which lasted for DECADES onto others that remind me of my narcissistic abuser. Thank God I don't look  like her she looks like sjp very witchy which reflects her inner self or lack thereof. She wanted to be Me and stole my identity wearing it as a mask in public while abusing her family in private.

Yes i project the torture i went through on witchy women. Itis normal. Which is why i admit yo it to see if i am wrong. Sometimes i am, most of the time i have proven tobe right and the witch is a narcissist.

I had that every day of my life for all my years of recovery up until i realized the true nature of my psychopath/covert narcissist abuser 3 years ago.
Once i shifted the shame to my abuser i had a new spring in my step and woke without fear and dread.
I think the fear related to taking on the shame the narcissistic abuser projected onto me and she did this with intent yo harm-all personality disordered people do. I intellectually knew i was not yo blame at 18 but putting the feeling in place took sooooo much longer.
I'm sorry we have had to endure that but once you see you were the victim of abuse and have no shame you'll wake up feeling safe.
If we feel shame about the abuse it is akin to feeling guilt and this in turn causes fear.
I think you should read the book Healing from Hidden Abuse. It is so helpful in placing the blame squarely where it belongs. I hope you do well. I don't think i am going to stay around this forum. I get a bad vibe.
Take Care.
Babysister

We all are our inner child. But we need to address our adult needs and the needs of the child we were when the pain of abuse occurred be cause she is hurting. We can do this in a number of ways:there is a wonderful book by mark price on connecting with your inner child. It costs 2.99 on amazon and is the best one i have read.
Crying is great both for your adult self and your inner child so don't think too much when expressing anger or crying. But you must nurture yourself with things that make you feel good emotionally. Think back to your favorite foods and cook yourself something. I love spaghetti with my grandma's special sauce and when i'm feeling down i make that for myself.

So really the question is what makes you FEEL fulfilled and better. If it isn't reading a book or watching something an adult would enjoy, it is possible that your emotional self-that part of you that is young-your inner child needs nurturing. What brought you peace as s kid? Did you like funny cartoons or disney movies, climbing on rocks or swimming? Do one of these things and see how you feel-if you feel joyful you will know it was a younger part of yourself that needed tending.

 
I still have days, which follow nightmares about my abuser, where i am exhausted and my creativity is low. I find swimming helps me and purifies my energy anx then i feel re-energized and am able to complete my tasks. But i must take time for the pool on days like that. Pay attention to your dreams some days are exhausting due to our quality of dreams/ sleep the night before.

[a client cannot fail at therapy.]

but, you're not the failure, a client cannot fail at therapy.  when i was in training, it was pounded into our brains that whatever is happening with the client, be they stuck, not moving forward, having an attitude, being resistant - whatever might be going on with the client, it is always, and i repeat ALWAYS up to the therapist to take a fresh look at the situation and do something different.  the fault and/or responsibility never lies with the client.

Sanmagic
Wow that must be old skool therapy Sanmagic because most therapists I met were happy to blame clients for their own failure to understand narcissistic abuse. The people who really need therapy are Narcissists and Psychopaths-and they are never going to get it because they refuse to admit to their personality disordered psychosis-their victims are not pathological so other than Marriage counselors I don't see how the occupation "therapist"  :blahblahblah:helps anyone.  I am speaking in terms of those abused by Narcissists which is a majority of people seeking therapy.

I put the covert narcissist out of my life when I was 18.  I looked back only once and that was a colossal mistake. For me, she repulses me so much that I could never have contact with her.  However it is with her flying monkeys that I have recently realized I had to go No Contact with as well in order to fully heal and I find that each day brings healing and I have unburdened myself of 1000 lb weight on my chest crushing me.  I have a new spring to my step I feel proud of myself not ashamed and this was only possible through acceptance that the covert narcissist was projecting all of her insecurities onto me deliberately and deliberately abusing me.

I just want yo let everyone know i found the best book i have ever read and have been given so much comfort through reading it. I happened upon it accidentally on amazon and it got 130 out of 130 5 star reviews so i decided to read it. I am so grateful.

It is called Healing from Hidden Abuse:A Journey Through The Stages Of Recovery From Psychological Abuse. I always maintained there was NEVER anything wrong with Me. And i knew I was right even if i still felt HER shame the shame projected ONTO ME by my psychopath "caretaker" My adult sister a decade older. Shame on her!
I hope this book helps everyone.

Good luck everyone with this book.

Actually i did NOT find that book helpful at all. There's a really good summation by a therapist on amazon. Com reviews as to why his book is ineffective.
I researched and found books by christine courtois and babette rothschild and they are truly amazing! I hope these books help you.

Distinguishing non-harmful people from what your abuser did to you? This has been my most difficult issue and caused me to isolate because in every face i see  the potential for harm like my abuser. I cannot help it. It is not something i "see"  visually;it is a feeling of panic and general fear i have around people. People are a trigger for me. I love myself and my own company and i had a huge breakthrough realizing it is my adult sibling abuser i feel not the people around me  now i am taking steps to form friendships. Any advice, books, ideas welcome. 

Wow! Thank you!! 6<3 i need to change my settings because i came back to the site thinking no one replied:( but then i saw YOU GUYS!!!!  SO glad you are here. Thank you for the welcome and also the description of the Witch about sums it up. She even had her flying monkeys, my uncles do her abuse for her while she wasn't there    hugz. Let me know how to folliw this forum bc i thought i set my email to get new threads posted but alas, no. I have to go back and read that long introduction. 😊 i admit i didn't reaD the whole thing-i was do excited to post and get it out there  <-- this emoji is hilarious!