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Messages - Boatsetsailrose

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Thank you rainy
Thank u San really gives me hope

I'm. Really reaching a stage in my life when not having a partner, my own family, pets is getting me down. I have cfs /fibro too so its v hard to develop consistency to actually get a partner... And who wants to be with some one who spends so much time on the bed!
So many people have lots of close people and some hardly any...
Life seems so unfair at times..
I know there are much worse things happening in the world
Feeling lonely is horrible I really am struggling...
Any thing that helps you with it I appreciate to hear

Been in a flare up with CFS /fibro since being on hol... Its been 2 wks now..
Feels intolerable this time.. The social isolation..
Went to church this morn and may have made my physical health worse more prolonged but so needed social contact..
It was good, got v tearful and others were there to support.
Got some numbers.
I've decided I'm going to develop a 'flare up team' if people can offer practical /social support..
Everyone needs people in their life right... The phone and Internet are great but can't replace real

Medication / Re: Reducing off meds...
« on: August 29, 2020, 04:56:42 PM »
Hi blues cruise
Good to hear u and thank u for sharing..
Glad u are resourcing what u need, learning about self caring andfeeling  processing emotions.
I've just reduced again to 5mg the drops are easy to do the reduction so  def recommend.
Yep gps give such a short time span in terms of advising coming off..
I've been quite tearful this past few days but it also feels so good to cry! Ive cried v little over the past yrs on citalopram.
I feel ready and equipped to feel my emotions in all the range... To resource from other sources instead..
My prayer is that I've done enough trauma work which I feel confident I have.
I like how u talk about the brain and its safety net that's exactly how it feels... A recalibration.
I didn't realise the last 10mg could be the hardest until I read it which gave me come confirmation.. Makes sense really as at higher doses the dose left in the brain is still significant. Next reduction to one drop 2.5 and then I'll be off...
It's felt v drawn out but I'm glad I've pursued this way of doing it to give myself the best chance of it not being too much. Many people don't get off due to withdrawal symptoms so doing it over what I think will be about 5 mths by the time I'm off seems sensible way...
One day at a time hey for all of us on our recovery journey to self care, self compassion and gentleness.
Hope u have a good day..
Ps yoga and meditation are the best!

Hi blueberry
No problem
Good to hear you when ever u have it... Sometimes we don't hey and thats OK..
Ah yes that's a good way to look at it
'step back phase whilst re group..
Yep I'm again looking at the pattern..
I'm grateful I'm getting more life because of this the emotional impact  when it's a set back feels bigger....
Keeping a diary of activities and flares and remembering I'm not as bad as I was so to keep in that groove...
 re group to find the new balance..
Thanks blueberry...
Hope u are well today..
I will make an effort to be on a bit more so can support others..

Thank you kizzy..
Always good to hear others experience on physical Co... And what's been helpful...
Gee like we need anything else to contend with..
Another facet of the long term problems hey..
So grateful to know it could be part of that and that there is help and support Inc research...

Hi both
Thanks blueberry for the hug
Thanks kizzie... Yes it is frustrating and upsetting at times isn't it. I didn't know u had it too. Today been having some more acceptance around it.
Do u have a pattern to yours?

I was convinced I'd healed from my severe fatigue /pain issues. Just had amazing 2 wks life was opening up again. Been having chakra healing.
I'm still hopeful and the fact I had 2 good wks is great..
Back on the bed now... Fed up frustrated

Medication / Re: Reducing off meds...
« on: July 15, 2020, 08:48:59 AM »
Hi slim
Good to hear u..
Morning from bristol, uk
Good to hear the depression hasn't returned..
I've been having intensive chakra healing too and really feels some shifts in my energy and the changing of brain structure. I can also see much of my depression was actually self pity... Might sound a bit harsh but some of it was just my default setting. Now I know what happened to me re trauma wasn't actually anything to do with me, I could have been any girl and that my parents are trauma survivors themselves it has given me a healed perspective. I still consistently need to work with not self beating but I can see many of my patterns led me to deep low mood and now I have so many tools to exit before the drop.
So grateful..
I hadn't heard of the cheese grater method I assume it's the slicer part of the grater? Hard to gauge what a 1mg is? Did u do this method? I I am going to ask for citalopram drops to reduce further... Good to hear about that method as a back up..
Mind website has some good advice around med withdrawal and the longer its been on etc also withdrawal effects can get more intense the lower the dose which I def identify with...
Gonna stay on this 10mg for a good while before dropping again... If I do drops I think I'd need to drop to 8mg will speak with GP about this...

Medication / Reducing off meds...
« on: July 14, 2020, 08:18:09 PM »
Hi all
Haven't posted for a while and it's good to be back...
Need to also reach out and acknowledge newcomers is good to do that as I was new once!
I'm at a stage in my recovery where I've just finished an amazing piece of therapy... Been doing intensive trauma work of varying kinds for the past 5 yrs +..
I'm now reducing off ssri.. Have done so before but with unhealed trauma was too much and went back on.
I now feel at this stage that I can do this and keep walking with support and slowly doing it. I'm currently on 10mg it was 30mg.this last reduction has been the most seems big and overwhelming as I come back into a more feeling view. I'm so grateful to be at this place it's been work to get here and I've had incredible support. It's just the fear of not being in control (not that I was before but the meds give that cushion.. If I keep it in the day /the moment I'm OK.
Any postitive stories around coming off and staying off would be great...
Or indeed anyones experience of reducing...

Good insight lily pad... Its interesting to start to see the relationship between the 2...therapy has helped me a lot to be more in touch with inner critic

General Discussion / Re: Is she a narc ?
« on: June 09, 2020, 03:32:59 AM »
Hi three roses
Thank u for your response
That is just on parr with how I have been looking at it this past week.
It is from her damage and has NOTHING to do with me...
I have that book! And had actually put it in the charity bag so I'm gonna dig it out and re check it out with regard to this person...
Thank u dear and I hope this finds u well

Hi eyes so blue
Great to hear you..
Yes, my understanding is cfs is an umbrella.term for a collection of symptoms that aren't truly understood. There is no conclusive science and so the medical world often scratch their head and in my case I've definatley experienced that 'glazed over look on the doctors face. In my case I have been referred to the hospital under a specialist service for cfs but there is no medical imput or further testing etc. The treatment is by a physio helping me to look at lifestyle changes /self care.
Interms of meds. I only take a stronger anti inflammatory when the pain with fibro is unbearable.
From the research and forums I have been on trauma /severe stress is a definate component of cfs type symptoms.. The body speaks the mind and all. Many of us had a virus and that on top of emotional stress was the tipping factor. In my case I def know stress from cptsd and life has been the tipping point for me.
My experience is that I started to get unwell when I was working as a  nursr the stress was just too much.. My mental state was deteriorating as I put down my addictions and cptsd was diagnosed.. I've pretty much lived for the past 4 yrs in bed a lot either due to mental, physical health and both. For me things have got worse not better. I let my career go nearly 2 yrs ago and haven't worked since, I can't. At my worst I am really unwell with severe exhaustion and all the collection of symptoms that come under cfs.. I'm just been on bed rest for a week the only energy I have is for eating. I experience a lot of physical stuff with it, shortness of breath, dizzy, glands, headache, non restful sleep and the list goes on.
For me having this diagnosis has been helpful as I have been able to read research, join forum and get extra support. It is v isolating. However I don't write myself off and as u point out if I take the label away I'm left with physical wipe out from a largely nervous system problem... I'm tackling mine from lots of treatment angles.
So glad to hear of your success in lifting symptoms via your attitude that is great.. Not something that many can do from what I have heard..
Keep up being well and not being in another label that you don't find helpful.
Keep thriving dear...

General Discussion / Is she a narc ?
« on: June 06, 2020, 12:24:26 PM »
There is a women in my recovery programme who I've known for 5 years..
I became more friends with her and stayed at her house few times ..
I now don't speak with her on recovery calls or interact with her due to her condescending ,superior and iron fist attitude. I used to take it on calls cause she used to say helpful recovery stuff but the way it was delivered id get in a bad mood and in the end wasn't worth it .
She openly says she has bpd and in some ways I think I've denied that as she has good eating disorder recovery.
Over time I've just hated her more and now I cant stand her .
This morning she was on the zoom meeting and get what she is the secretary surprise surprise .someone else was leading the meeting and there was an issue with sound .I spoke to the host and said I don't think the leader is on the line ...with that said person said ' Yes she is on the line ' in a sort a authoritative slightly aggressive way ....
My anger went off like a rocket (internally)  and I was close to saying something of which I didn't and am glad I didn't...I wanted to say why do u talk to people like they are idiots !
I'm now wondering if she is a narc she seems to fit the bill ...really inflated sense of self importance yet I know from her that she has crushing low self worth..
I'm not saying i don't have some personality issues to work on and my goodness i can be condesending and ego at times too..
I want to work on this anger I have towards her and be able to let it go ...its only eating me up..she is a sick person and I don't need to interact ..
I have thought about not going to that meeting but it is one of the UK meetings and I need to be there to help newcomers ..
My lesson from today is to not offer any comments about the meeting ,just do my share and be quiet ...
I need to not focus on this women and expect her do what she does and know it's nothing to do with me ...
It helps me to reflect on my own behaviour and when I'm being self righteous ego etc how that must be for other people ...glad I can see it a bit more in myself and can work with it ...
Any thoughts /experiences on the behaviour i describe about her ...the condescending ,superior ,iron fist type ...
Any ways to think abouT it deal with it ?

Yes, it's so easy for outter to become inner... But grateful I get to see it a bit more clearly these days..
After all this is an attachment disorder.. I don't like that part of cptsd... But am so pleased my attachment is the best it's ever been with myself... And nope resting hey... Now a whole new area of relating outwardly... Gee... This is work!
But I am going to give myself a bit of a break I think... I'm just ending CAT therapy and need to allow myself space..
Perfectionism can jump on for me and I expect a great deal of myself..
Breathe take space let life flow for a bit boat's...

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